Trouble May be Brewing in Poly Triad

[dixiedelight2]

Sounds like your sexy little triad is turning into an affair for your husband and guest.

[VegasLee]

If you want to admit it or not this "Lifestyle" is causing you a problem.

Any time a "third" is causing turmoil within your relationship then there is a problem. Sounds to me like this "third" you are no longer happy with.

You have admitted yourself that you have no further interest in her and this is supposed to be about ALL OF YOU. Not just any one or two of you.

Bottom line is you are pissed off, you are insecure in your relationship now since you admitted that your worried it might be "You" that is being forced out. It is time to sit this one down, talk it out until it is complete either way. Till it is fixed by her being gone, you being gone or you all are playing by the same rules.

Keep making all the excuses you want but your all adults, fix it or get over it. What is happening now is not good for any of you.

Saying the same things over and over here in your posts is not going to make it better or true.

[YZF]

YZF here: Whoa! Someone has been airing out the laundry it would seem. Looks like there are going to have to be some issues to be worked out. A few things are going to be listed under "Don't go there." Quita leaving, is a don't go there subject. Quita's allowance is "don't go there." Something that has always bothered Jack (short for Jaquelyn) is that she has always felt that I am too generous with Quita. Quita does not work so she deserves some money of her own. Quita has a real laid back, mellow attitude and does not complain about anything. Jack could take a lesson from that.

[VegasLee]

YZF,

Bottom line is YOUR WIFE is not happy about things when it comes to Quita and you have to decide what is more important.

I have been married a very long time and in the Lifestyle even longer.

When it comes to communicating with your WIFE there should be no subject that is "Don't go there". Sounds like your saying "Your way or no way" when you say "Don't go there".

Maybe you both need to stop airing things out here and do it face to face.

With the attitudes are we seeing from the both of you I see crash and burn in your future.

Good luck to all involved. Hope you all get the right attitude and work this out.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by YZF

Quita has a real laid back, mellow attitude and does not complain about anything.

Of course not shes managed to steal someones husband as obvious in the 'don't go there' lines, she doesn't work, and you are her sugar daddy. What would there be to complain about?

Its been a while since we had an incoming train wreck from this sort of thing on the board, should I grab some popcorn?

[LikeMinds321]

Maybe it's time for Quita to return to her husband...who left her at your place last year.

That would make Jack...Carly...Mrs. YZX happy.

LM

[YZF]

Quita's husband has twice contacted her about them getting back together. We (Quita and I) decided that she was better off here. Jack (Carly was a psudonem, but since she is airing things out...) always said that she did not want Quita to go back so we never told her. We just left things as they were.

Quita's husband just left her here and ran off. She has been here long enough to be an equal to not less than Jack. It's only fair.

[PB&J]

Well, if it's going to be fair I guess everyone needs to know everything and the ground rules need to be made clear. Why not sit down and talk instead of using the forum as the sounding board?

[dumbasarock10]

Its been a while since we had an incoming train wreck from this sort of thing on the board, should I grab some popcorn?[/QUOTE]

I'm with you, Chicup. This should be fun. Better than HBO!

[lovinher]

Not sure quite where to start.
It's clear to me based on your comments you have no regard for your wife's feelings on the matter and your two last posts says it all. I have plenty to say but your a waste of time.

Carly-Jack, ditch the attitude and time to start planning. As things are now you are being pushed out. Wish you well.

[gatorvol64]

Train wreck is what I see as well. I'm sorry to have to say that.

Since Jack said she tried to talk with her husband about this and he told her she was overreacting (which to me isn't the case), I have to wonder if that isn't how/why Jack ended up here. Eventually he would see the post and then he may be willing to talk about things.

I'd love to be able to get Quinta's story without going through the interpretation of YZF.

I see so many things that could have been avoided with the mantra of communication. Believe me that is so important. In a poly relationship maybe more so than swinging.

All rules and boundaries should been clearly communicated so that all parties were aware of them and could agree with them or not and could not later say they weren't aware of them. And lines of communication should stay open regarding them. Relationships change and, therefore, boundaries tend to as well.

I have to say, Jack, that if Quinta being more equal was not something you felt you could ever deal with, I think it was a bad idea to have her living with the two of you. I remember your thread about what you wished to preserve sexually as just for you and YZF. You've been feeling threatened I believe.

YZF, we're being lead to believe you were aware of the rules and boundaries. If you wanted those changed, it was your responsibility to state as such to Jack. Not as a demand but as an opening for discussions and maybe re-negotiations on the issues. I'm reading an attitude from you of not caring how your wife is feeling about things. That is most definitely not good. She deserves, as a human being and as your wife in particular, for more respect than that.

As for the language barrier, what gives with that? I would have thought as the one who understands both languages, you would make the effort to make sure they each were learning the other language.

So, Quinta has a bedroom of her own. YZF, could you give me a good reason why if you wanted "something different" you didn't use Quinta's room?

In case you aren't aware of this, I am part of a cross-coupled quad. A poly relationship requires all parties to be able to communicate and it's always an on-going adjustment. A poly relationship doesn't allow things to be swept under the rug as not dealt with as easily as I've seen that done in a monogamous one.

All of you need to decide what you would like here. And to talk this out amongst yourselves. There are some very hurt feelings and insecurity fears triggered for Jack. Those can be hard to get past.

I suppose I should end for now but I have one more question. Did I understand you to say that you haven't told Quinta that her husband has tried twice to contact her? If I did understand that correctly, she is an adult and should be able to make that decision for herself.

Vol

[The Fuse]

We've had a poly relationship or two in our past too. Everything Vol said is right on. Rules and boundaries always have to be understood and bought into, explicitly, not implicitly. They can change, but only if everyone agrees. If anyone has a deal breaker, that's a time for careful negotiation.

YZF appears to be making Quinta "more equal" in spite of what his wife says she wants, and in spite of what she claims he understood were the rules.

YZF and Mrs. YZF appear to be hiding important communications from Quinta, treating her like a child.

Mrs. YZF and Quinta can't communicate in English or in Spanish.

Mrs. YZF vents her frustrations to a bunch of anonymous people on this Board.

Mr. YZF gives his wife an ultimatum about even talking about Quinta leaving.

Sounds pretty bad to me.

[cocpl2007]

Sorry, late to the thread.

Jack, you know exactly what is happening here, pretty obvious to everyone here, and frankly to you too, but you just don't want to admit or face the fact that Quita is stealing your husband, and your husband is letting her, and facilitating her in this effort.

Imagine, should the shoe be on the other foot, the "third" was another male, and you were having some exclusive time with that "third", against all prior understandings and agreements, I suspect YFZ would hit the roof, not be on this board exposing his emotions. He wants his cake (Quita) and the frosting (You, Jack) too.

Jack you know exactly what he is doing to you, and your "marriage" but for some reason do not want the facts of what is happening. You like so many of us here are about to learn it takes TWO to make a marriage work, only ONE to pitch it to the wind!

YFZ "don't go there" what a bunch of C R A P! You have (or perhaps it is already "had") a W I F E and a third, about time you realize it!

[YZF]

YZF and I discussed this today and he was pretty upset about me putting it out here. Because of my job and because of where I live (small Texas town) it is not like I have alot of options about who I can talk to that would understand. Most people would not get past the "swinger" part and probably think I had it coming.

How can we work this out now? The animosity is going to be there between Quita and me so she can't live here anymore. YZF will hold the fact that Quita left against me. Now I find out that Quita's husband wanted her back and I was not even told about it. Quita and YZF kept that to themselves.

I don't see what the big deal is with Quita. So what if she was a Miss Venezuela Runner-up. Seems like YZF and her can't put that out there fast enough like that makes her a big prize or something.

I'll probably move into one of our rental properties and let them have each other, see how long it lasts.

[cocpl2007]

Originally Posted by YZF

YZF will hold the fact that Quita left against me.

Of course he will, you know by what he has been telling you, what he has written here, and your own personal knowledge of YFZ that he bears NO personal responsibility for the breakdown of the triad. Do you really even care if she was Ms. Venezuela, not just a runner-up... what does that make you, lunch meat! Until such time as YFZ reacquaints himself with the fact that you ARE his wife, not Quita, moving into another place and getting on with your life is likely the best "fix" for the moment. Allow your head to clear, and try to put some of this emotional/passionate thinking behind you a few days. Then figure out your future course.

Personally, our hearts bleed for your circumstance. It is unfortunate, and very painful, we're sure.