Hi, Im new!

[Yumies]

I've been lurking on this site for a few days getting a feel for the boards and I thought now would be a good time to say Hi!

Im L, married to M. We were highschool sweethearts and have been married for 7 years. About 2 years ago we fulfilled a long talked about fantasy of having a threesome with another woman. It was great at first and we were hoping for a long term 'friends with benefits' type thing but when it became apparent that our partner was much more interested in M than in me, we broke things off with her.

We have always felt like we needed to have some sort of emotional connection with anyone that we would invite into our bedroom, we just didnt know it had a name untill I found this board

Recently, we have entered into a new relationship with another woman. We have played with the 3 of us a couple times and her and I have played once alone (with M's blessing) but now we seem to be trying to back-track a bit and take things slowly and really get to know eachother. In hindsight, I think we rushed the sex a bit.

M, being the talker he is, has gotten pretty close with her and she seems to open up to him. Her and I are still working on getting to know each other but its coming a little harder, she's a bit shy and Im not super outgoing either so conversation between us tends to stick to casual, polite things, kids, shopping, etc. That part is a little fursterating but Im hoping that it will resolve itself in time. We also started as 'just friends' and see each other frequently at playdates and such where we need to act "normal". We dont get many opportunities to hang out with the 3 of us since she has kids and we have one, so someone usually stays with the kids and lets the other two go out. (ftr, she is married, her husband lives in another state due to work but he is fine with her seeing us)

So, anyways, thats who we are and where we are currently. Im not exactly sure where this is all leading but I would love to see a close relationship develop between the 3 of us.

I look forward to chatting with y'all, hopefully getting to know some of you and have a place to ask questions when they come up.

[two4youinswva]

Welcome to the board!
We look forward to chatting with you as well, and hope you are able to find the info and feedback you need.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board, Yumies

It sounds like you have a good thing going on

If I may ask, is the hubby of this playmate involved when he is at home ?


Either way, enjoy the forums


Fun4ds

[ncmd_couple]

Yumies,

Welcome to the Swinger's Board! Each relationship is different, so it is not surprising that they are working at different rates. But I think that it is very important that you and your lady friend have a talk. Ask her what her fears are, what her expectations are.

I too am interested in the unknown dynamic of her husband. Is this a short term assignment for him and he will be returning soon? Or what is the situation when he visits? And what is his expectations upon his return?

S

[SW_PA_Couple]

I am glad you found us and I hope you will continue to find these forums to be both fun and informative.



~Michael

[Yumies]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Yumies,

Welcome to the Swinger's Board! Each relationship is different, so it is not surprising that they are working at different rates. But I think that it is very important that you and your lady friend have a talk. Ask her what her fears are, what her expectations are.

I too am interested in the unknown dynamic of her husband. Is this a short term assignment for him and he will be returning soon? Or what is the situation when he visits? And what is his expectations upon his return?

S

Well, I guess I should have waited a day or so to post cause I really have no idea what is going on with that now. In talking to hubby, I have found out that things are not exactly as they seemed.

[ncmd_couple]

Yumie,

That is what I was afraid of. I assume that you are talking to her hubby? We will be here for ya' if you need us.

S

[Yumies]

Thanks, ncmd_couple.

Sorry about the cryptic update, I started posting and then had to take a phone call. Well from talking to my hubby, it sounds like her hubby is pulling a lot of the strings and maybe "encouraging" her to do things she's not entirely comfortable with. Im not gonna put her whole life story online but I guess suffice it to say I dont think there is that potential for a close relationship that I was hoping for. I think we can still be friends and even play as long as I know what page we are on and am not expecting any sort of connection but we are still going to proceed with caution.

However, I told hubby about the whole idea of polyamory and he's really taken it and ran, lol. I think I helped put a definition to feelings that we've both had for a while and now he's curious about our first partner and if his realizations might make a difference in how she feels (they have remained friends) but I think thats a whoooole other post.

Sure keeps my days interesting though.

[ncmd_couple]

Yumies,

That is funny about your hubby. We worked our way to swinging because I had found an article about Poly and I said, "that's me!" If the other lady is not comfortable, then you are doing the right thing and proceeding with caution. If your hubby is talking to him, then you should talk to her, then compare notes. You will quickly figure out if they are just not on the same page and working on it, or he is playing games.

S

[Yumies]

Actually, niether me nor hubby have talked to her husband, all this information is coming from my husband talking to our lady friend. Yes, I suppose we should see if we can talk to her husband to get the whole story but Im not sure she would be okay with that. Um, yeah, defintely proceeding with caution....

[ncmd_couple]

Yumies,

Well, I don't think that you two can proceed at all. Keep contact, communicate, but keep her at arms distance. Because if the hubby was good with all of this, then she shouldn't have any problem with you two talking to him. Something just feels fishy about this whole deal with them, and there is no way to tell who is lying about what.

Good Luck!

S

[lustylearning]

One of the wisest things I've read recently is that if you don't know whether or not you're in a poly relationship, you're not. If you're not having four-way communication, you're not communicating.

Good luck.

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

One of the wisest things I've read recently is that if you don't know whether or not you're in a poly relationship, you're not. If you're not having four-way communication, you're not communicating.

Good luck.

I'm a little curious about this. What exactly does that comment mean? Is it that communication isn't present and therefore not poly or is it that, if you don't think of it as a committed relationship it isn't poly or...what? I'm not disagreeing with you so far. I just don't quite know what you mean.

Vol

[lustylearning]

I was, and should have stated it clearly, referring back to the OP's statement, "We have always felt like we needed to have some sort of emotional connection with anyone that we would invite into our bedroom, we just didnt know it had a name untill I found this board." I believe, since this is posted in the poly forum, that the OP is referring to developing a poly relationship. I think people are sometimes tempted to throw a "poly" label on any relationship that involves emotional connection, and I hope - it looks like she is - that the OP proceeds very cautiously. You can want a poly relationship, but if you're not communicating openly about it (within the group I mean), you could be setting yourself up for misunderstanding and pain. I guess my bottom line advice would be, limit that emotional investment until you really know what you're dealing with.

[Yumies]

Thank you, lustylearning, I do appreciate your advice and I agree with you. I guess what I was trying to say is that we are defintely open to and interested in finding a poly relationship at some point but the relationship I was refering to was just in its infancy, so while I would have loved for something more to develop, it just didnt and thats okay.

And yes, I also agree with you in that I should be a little more guarded with my feelings, I have this habit of falling hard for a pretty face and seem to keep finding women that are not as bi as I think they are. Live and learn, I guess