Poly family situation w/children involved (Picking up a roommate, have kids)

[dulciprajna]

Hello all:

First time poster. Was going to put up a blog post that was an "about us" to catch you up on the whole situation, but couldn't find a link to post new blog entries, so I will put it here. If you want to skip it, skip the italicized part below.

This turned into a long post, so the basic question is this: Ever picked up a roommate who had her own children, and the situation turns into a poly family? Experiences in poly families w/children?

We are married, in our early 30s, w/three children. Wife is a school teacher and I do tech support. Our children are 13, 7, and 3 with two girls and a boy. We have been married for close to 8 years now, and have known each other for close to a decade. My wife and I consider each other best of friends.

We are relatively knew to the whole lifestyle. We have gone to a few parties, and have two great couples we hang out with, but other than party games, we have yet to do any actual swapping, just same room sex. She is bi-curious, and I am straight.


Until last March we were doing quite well financially, but the economy took my job (de tuk er jerbs!@#), and so we are struggling to make ends meet. I have a job (two in fact) but this is not equivocal to what I was making. So we need to find another option.

In pretty much every job I have had, the closest friends I make are generally female. My wife has gotten used to that over the years (she had to, lol), but normally she gives some vibe of stand offishness.

There is a friend I have made through work and my wife knows her (I will call her T). T has recently lost her man and is a single mom w/two kids. When her man left her, he really put her in a tight spot. The girl is hurting financially and emotionally as well. She is approx 6 years younger than my wife and I. Her children are 3 years and 18 months, both girls.

Driving to work one day my wife says to me, "you know, getting a roommate would really help us out, and T just lost her man and needs help." This floored me. See, I have a real soft spot in my heart for single moms, and my wife, of course, knows that, but the situation that T is going through is similar to what my wife went through before I met her (yes, she was a single mom when I met her as well).

So I brought this up w/T, and she expressed interest in the idea as well. We would all have to move into a house that is AT LEAST 5br, and we have found such a house (only 2100 sq ft), but at first glance of bills on paper, this would help both us and her out at the same time.

T comes across as a very strong mom, someone who will not give up on providing for her children, so I am not worried about her just quitting work, or having some bad pill addiction, or becoming a drunk... She has a strong will towards raising her girls.

T knows that my wife and I are into this lifestyle, and though we are not experienced, I recall at least one conversation w/her where I said that we have done same room but not really any swapping. She replied, "oh, well, I've done that."

The only thing that really limits T is that she is the uber jealous type. Part of what broke up the last relationship is that she is very much an alpha and keeps a very tight leash. She would read her man's text msg's, and emails, look through his wallet, basically spy on him. Granted, it was with merit. Her man had been caught on two occasions cheating on her, but she has repeatedly said to me that she could never be in the lifestyle because she is the jealous type.




Bottom line, if she moves in with us and we have this sorta "poly family" that will be created (and w/8 ppl living under a 2100 sq ft 5br house, it will be cozy), I will guarantee that the emotional bonds will be strong for her towards my wife and myself. On the few occasions that my wife has gotten to hang out with T, she has always spoke positively of her, and finds her attractive.

The primary goal of course is financial gain for both her and us, but roommates bond, and this would be a pretty strong one I believe. I seriously see the whole poly situation being discussed at some point, and I would not be surprised to see T at least hang out in the room w/us from time to time to play, though she may never wish to swap or join directly.

So, to tie it all together, having read the whole situation, my questions are have you been in a poly family situation w/children involved, and what were the repercussions of that? Any pointers?

Thanks for all who reply.

[ncmd_couple]

dulciprajna,

Well, from my read of this situation, there are a couple of things to consider.

Financially troubling times cause strain in any relationship, as I'm sure you well know.

Knowing someone, and living with them are two completely different situations. There really is no way to predict how the three of you as adults, and the kids, will get along together. Only the reality of living under the same roof will tell you that.

If you all do move in together, are you prepared for the financial strain of a larger place if things don't work out and she moves out?

I don't think that poly plays into this at this point. It might down the road, but you need to cross that bridge when you get to it. But it is good that you and your wife are talking about possibilities so that neither of you will be unprepared if it does happen.

As for the kids. Kids are kids. As adults, you keep adult matters behind closed doors as it should be, and give them the information that is age appropriate and appropriate to their level of maturity.

Good luck!

S