Mixed poly/swinging vacation situation (need advice)

[couplers]

Hi, Petra here. I've been a member for a couple of years, a regular reader and occasional poster. This is the first time I am seeking advice from the community.


If anyone is familiar with my background situation from my posts, you can skip to the next paragraph; otherwise, read on. I am in a sort of mixed poly/swinging situation - married to my husband David and have a boyfriend, Red, that I have been with since before my marriage. Red lives nearby and is monogamous with me; these are the only two sex partners I have. The guys get along really well. We sometimes have an MFM, but usually I play alone because while David doesn't care one way or the other, Red would rather not watch. Another part of this is that beginning several years into our marriage, hubby has had several no-emotion sex partner girlfriends, which I have arranged with single vanilla girls that are unattached. His current girlfriend is Clair. Clair and I met at the gym, became friends, began to discuss intimacies, became social non-sexual friends with her and her bf, and after she broke up with her bf she jumped at my offer to start screwing hubby. In the past David usually played alone because it was difficult enough recruiting single girls just to be his sex partner without the added requirement of satisfying my desire to watch. Clair is one of only two that has let me watch and even participate a little, doing things like touching her breasts and clit while hubby is screwing her, and sucking hubby's dick after he pulls out. As to frequency, Red and I have sex about every other day; David and Clair a couple times a week; hubby and I every day. When David or I have to travel there is no problem with the other spending that time with our other sex partner.


Now the situation for which I need some advice. Three times a year or so David, Red and I go on vacation together, always at least twice in the winter we go skiing. All three of us love skiing almost as much as sex, but get to enjoy it much less frequently. (David says that Red doesn't ski - he wanders, like everything else he does. Mean.) This year we have made arrangements to go out West on a two week trip at the end of December / beginning of January. We don't party; just ski, eat, sleep and screw, then start all over again the next day. In the past we've gotten a room with two queen beds, one for each guy and I would sleep with one of them. It worked out pretty well, except for a couple of practical things in our usual pattern. First, Red is an early riser (I know, hah-hah) and doesn't like me sloppy, so I would have sex with him first early in the morning, but sometimes this wakes David WHO NEEDS HIS SLEEP! Then later in the morning I would have sex with David, and Red would leave since it bothers him to watch. After skiing Red would want more sex, by which time I am happy to accommodate, but then so would David again before we went to sleep. I know that vacation time is sex time, but four times a day plus skiing really tires me out. So this year to solve our practical problems we reserved two adjoining room with king beds, one for each of the guys, where I could go back and forth with no disturbance when screwing to either David's sleep or Red's male sexual ego. Now to the point. I was thinking that since we have two rooms, why not invite Clair? Clair knows the entire situation among Red, David and me. She has skied regularly in the past, so she should be fun on the slopes, and the two of us enjoy socializing. I see a lot of advantages:

for Red - he will have more of my attention and less angst about hubby screwing me (beta male syndrome);
for David - he will have an extended chance to play with his new toy, Clair;
for Clair - she will get to go on a free ski trip (we always are generous with David's sex partners), she gets more time and sexual attention from her new toy, David, and the two of us can do some girls things like shopping or going to the spa;
for me - while I love the attention of two men, this will give me a chance to not have so many demands put on me (I'm the one that ends up being sleep deprived from all the vacation sex); I'll probably get a chance to see hubby and Clair in action which I find really hot; I'll get to spend more time with Red, whom I still love, and I can do things with Clair.

So to the question: should we invite Clair along? I'm almost certain she would go if asked. The fear is with the more people, the more that can go wrong, but the only negative I can see is if the dynamic between Red and Clair turns out bad. But they already know about one another and won't be mutually sexually involved. This was my idea and David, as always, says "Whatever you want, Pet."

[oldrrob]

Damn, I've tried to find a downside to you inviting Clair, especially since she already knows the whole deal. Hey, it may even be theraputic for Red to see David with Clair, kinda takes his focus off of seeing you with David and would surely give him more one on one time with you. I'd go with David's philosophy, 'whatever you want, Pet'.

[couplers]

Good point, I need to test the waters on that. But I don't know if Clair would go another step or not. From what she has told me she has never had a threesome before David and me, not even just soft watching. And Red is pretty self absorbed, interested in who he is screwing and not much else, not even porn. Either way is fine with me, but I've learned from recruiting women for David that it is best not to push it past the comfort level, just to be open.

[N8ture Girl]

I dont know how you do it, I hardly have enough time pleasing one man, much less two! Hats off to ya! Anyway, if the guys are ok with Clair coming then I would go for it and ask her to come. Might take some of the pressure off you.

Good luck!

[sexcupid]

What are Clair and Red supposed to be doing when you are wanting to sleep with/have sex with your husband? Are they supposed to share the other room? Are you going to reserve a third room for Clair to have on her own for the nights that you want to spend with your hubby?

Unless you are going to basically split up into 2 couples for those 2 weeks (you/Red, David/Clair), aside from the time spent having a FMF, when are you going to connect with your hubby?

Although, I do agree...having another lady along to do girly activities would be much fun.

Most people do need a vacation to recover from their vacation...

[lizandtom]

I don't think you can even begin to think about asking Clare until she meets Red face to face. If Red has issues seeing your own hubby with you then a compatibility/chemistry check is in order asap. It can be as simple as drinks, dinner or coffee. If one person gets in a pissy mood over any of the possible dynamics during the weekend, it could get very uncomfortable. I think the conclusion will be apparent at that time.

[dulciprajna]

I hope some day to have a similar lifestyle going. The whole idea of skiing w/another "couple" with my wife, a day of skiing, eating, fucking, soaking in a hot tub, sleeping, yeah... I am down w/that.

[couplers]

Originally Posted by N8ture Girl

I dont know how you do it, I hardly have enough time pleasing one man, much less two!

I don't watch television. Actually, I'm not complaining, I'm loving it. From the time standpoint, it is usually 30 to 45 minutes whenever I have sex during the week, a little longer if it includes me being licked. So even on a "busy" day, I start with hubby in the morning at 5:15, I'm at the gym at the gym by 6:30 at work by 8:30; I can have an interlude either at lunch (1 1/4 hours) or on the way home with Red, then with hubby at night until 10:30 or 11. On Saturday morning I can be done with both of them and back from the gym by noon or so.

One thing that caught my attention last week was a story about some Playboy model that went on a TV program to tell of her sex addiction. She had to go for treatment and therapy. I thought woah, is this me, might I be headed for disaster? She said that some days she stayed in bed all day masterbating. That made me realize that I don't have a problem. After sex I am energized and can jump up ready to go. The guys usually get the sleepies. As I said before I don't drink, gamble, smoke, use drugs or watch TV so I'm entitled to my 2 hours or so of sex.

[couplers]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

What are Clair and Red supposed to be doing when you are wanting to sleep with/have sex with your husband?
Unless you are going to basically split up into 2 couples for those 2 weeks (you/Red, David/Clair),

That is the plan.

[couplers]

Originally Posted by lizandtom

I don't think you can even begin to think about asking Clare until she meets Red face to face. If Red has issues seeing your own hubby with you then a compatibility/chemistry check is in order asap. It can be as simple as drinks, dinner or coffee. If one person gets in a pissy mood over any of the possible dynamics during the weekend, it could get very uncomfortable. I think the conclusion will be apparent at that time.

They have met socially, several times, on weekends when I was meeting Red at the coffee shop after the gym with Clair and she came along. As I said she knew the full situation before starting to have sex with hubby and wanted to meet him out of curiosity. Red is a great guy, introverted, not shy but hard to get to know. I would say there was pretty much no chemistry between them, good or bad.

[Alura]

I think it's a great idea to invite Claire. In my opinion, two couples are always better than a threesome. If Red could only open up a little, think of the combinations and permutations!

Mr. Alura

[couplers]

One concern that I forgot to mention, or perhaps repressed, is the possibility that Clair could get clingy with hubby after being with him for an extended time. Having some caring feelings is not a problem, but this is not dating, like looking for a mate. We are always cautious and I have not pursued some interesting possibilities because of this concern. The women thus far understood very clearly what the situation and what my crazy offer was and accepted it accordingly. I guess we have screened well up to this point because each of the women hubby has had moved on after a year or two, looking for a more traditional situation. And with every one we have remained on genuinely good, affectionate terms with her, even continuing to socialize with two of the women and their SO.

After typing this I realize no one else can help me make this assessment. From Clair's behavior thus far, however, there shouldn't be any problems.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by couplers

After typing this I realize no one else can help me make this assessment. From Clair's behavior thus far, however, there shouldn't be any problems.

No, none of us can truly assess this as well as you can. But, everything you've been saying so far isn't throwing up red flags. Of any sort. It seems like it would be a good and fun thing to do.

From what you've typed, it doesn't seem like Claire is going to get the wrong impression, or allow herself to slip down the slope of thinking she's getting a more permanent attachment with your husband. There will be familiarity with your husband; sharing his bed for so many days will breed that. That can't be helped. But, understanding her role in this I don't think will be a problem for her. She already knows the score, and has done fine so far, yes?

If there's anything that I'm seeing as not having been done that should be done before asking Claire is I think you should ask Red if its ok with him. I know Claire won't be sharing his bed, but she will be on the trip. I think Red deserves a chance to say yes/no.

[The Fuse]

If you aren't looking for deeper feelings to develop between Claire and your husband, spending two weeks together on vacation seems like asking for trouble. People bond during times like that.

I'd invite her; hold a group meeting to review the anticipated combinations and prepare some alternative Claire can use to "escape" if things are too stressful for her.

For example, with 4 beds you and one of the boys can be in one room, and Clare and the other boy can be in the second room. If Claire asks, you could dynamically adjust where the 3 of you sleep in order to keep her in the same bed every time she sleeps by herself (as opposed to her having to seek the bed in the non-sex room).