Is it in our nature

[Professor_Zoom]

I've had this on my mind for a while now, but is being poly, and even swinging in our nature? Society says that you are only allowed to love one person. If a woman is sitting in the park with her two boyfriends and her two girlfriends, and she is openly affectionate with all of them, people will look at her like she the biggest slut, when in fact she loves each of them. I know people look at swingers and must think, "Oh my God, have these people done everything sexually possible, and the only way for them to get off now is to have sex with other people," when in fact it's something that they both enjoy and have an agreement about. I don't think that there is anything wrong with monogamy, but I do think that we limit ourselves. Just like homosexuality is natural. Some of us are, and some of us aren't. Then isn't it also in our nature to be polyamorous? Some of us are and some of us aren't. I expressed this to a friend of mine, and she told me that I'm just a cheating dog and that she feels sorry for whoever I date.

[turnuptheheat]

Could not agree more.

[BamaRide]

Interesting.... There are but a few on the board that know me well enough to know enough about me to understand that I have had a considerable amount of religious training. In fact at one time that was my chosen vocation and why I had all that training.

My departure from the 'church' was not based on a loss of faith. But rather a realization that dogma was implmented by the 'church' to influence social order.

And so it is much so with religion and with social structures that for the order of things it is easier managed in pairs. Nothing says that is the natural order of things or normal.

BamaRide

[mnd7398]

Originally Posted by Professor_Zoom

I've had this on my mind for a while now, but is being poly, and even swinging in our nature? Society says that you are only allowed to love one person.

Monogamy and marriage are religious concepts. We could spend countless hours debating this. It is natural to be attracted to people we find physically or intellectually fascinating, man or woman. It is possible to love many people equally if not truly all of humanity. It is by no accident that making something that unites humanity is used to divide it.

[Rackir]

I think one can look at the incidence of infidelity to show that multiple sexual attractions are, if not the dominance, at least as "normal" as single person attraction.

As for polyamory, I think that the more people one really opens up too, the more people one will find themselves actually "loving" in a very deep and emotional way. However that process tends to be so involved that I think most people, once they have found a person that they can open up too like that, don’t bother going through that extreme and often painful process again with anyone else.

As for polyamory, I think that the more people one really opens up too, the more people one will find themselves actually "loving" in a very deep and emotional way. However that process tends to be so involved that I think most people, once they have found a person that they can open up too like that, don’t bother going through that extreme and often painful process again with anyone else.

But then I am posting while fairly inebriated, so I may be totally off base with this (or may very well be posting complete and utter nonsense).

[BamaRide]

Originally Posted by Rackir

But then I am posting while fairly inebriated, so I may be totally off base with this (or may very well be posting complete and utter nonsense).

I"m with ya!!

BamaRide

[dumbasarock10]

Who's to say what is right and what is wrong? Or what is natural and unnatural? The same people with different opinions, no matter how strong, still breath the same air is you or I. If it's right and natural for you, then you and your partner are the only ones who deserve justification. Just make yourself happy. I constantly hear biased views and varying opinions on the topic and while I find the conversation entertaining at times, I owe them nothing by way of an explanation. I don't care for their approval. And neither should you. Just my thoughts. Although I am not drunk, I may be spouting as much nonesense as Rack' up there.

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by BamaRide

My departure from the 'church' was not based on a loss of faith. But rather a realization that dogma was implmented by the 'church' to influence social order.BamaRide

Same for me. Along with the fact that the people who should be the lest judgmental were actually the most.

So, what you are asking is...is non-monogamy in our nature? Right?

I have to say that yes, it certainly can be. Maybe even is period.

I do find it "natural" to find others attractive. Anyone who claims that they never find someone else other than their SO attractive is either lying or way to obsessed with the SO. What you do with that attraction is the point. Swinging, open marriages and polyamory are ways of admitting this attraction and dealing with it ethically.

I also find it "natural" to love many people. And most agree with that. They just limit romantic love to one person. And, just as above, if you find you love someone else, it is what you do with that love that matters.But I wonder at times how many people would still feel that loving more than one was the only way if they knew they were free to love more than one person at a time.

Now, I have not always believed some of this. Once I left the church and started thinking for myself some things changed. Swinging wasn't hard to do really. After all, I was sharing this with my husband. And I know sex doesn't have to include love. Knew that even as a sunday school teacher and the wife of a deacon.

Now, sharing my husband with someone else emotionally wasn't easy. Loving one person at a time in much more ingrained by society I think. And you have much more of yourself invested in the process of love than just a physical act. You are vulnerable in many ways here.

Through my journey since 2005, through swinging and polyamory, I've learned that people are capable of more than the world will let them know they are. Can everyone get past what they have been taught even if they suddenly believed all this was in their nature? No. Absolutely not. Some won't be able to stand up to the work of relearning and some just will not want to. I was very happy in my marriage of 20 years. I have a different life now in many ways. But I am still happy in my marriage of 25 years. And if it came down to it, I could still be happy with just Gator in my life...sexually and romantically. It's all in the depth of my love for him and what we have come through in this world together.

While I could be happy in a monogamous relationship with Gator again, I will never again believe that is the only way.

Hmmm....so, I guess all that boils down to it depends on what you do with it. I think a lot of things can be in our nature. Whether good or bad. Certainly many bad things are done by people in the world. What you do with things you feel is the answer. No hurting others seems to be the answer.

Vol

[Shelia]

Good luck
Shelia

[BamaRide]

Vol.... Well stated!

I know why your loved.. you have a beautiful mind dear.

BamaRide

[Shelia]

Beautiful minds make beautiful people

[sweet_tna]

I think we, as humans have the capacity for many things, polyamory and swinging among them. As Vol so eloquently stated, it's what we choose to DO about any inclinations we have that makes all the difference.

=)

[BamaRide]

Guess I will come back with how I really feel and 'sweet tna' touched on it. I believe that people are different each unique male female whatever... each of us the 'rules' are different for and we share with those most who's set of standardards match our own closest. But we all are unique... Are we prone to the faithful pairing of a couple? Are we prone to giving ourselves to multiple partners... are we capible of loving more than one person??? YES!

We as a collective group are capiblie of manythings and with each and every new person we are capible of more. Each uniqe, each different... The really neat thing? We have found a group of those things that make us close and have focused on those... not the differences.. but what we share in common.

Why you all are wonderful!

BamaRide

[Chicup]

I am going to briefly get all evolutionary biology on you and state that for humans MONOGAMY (yes all caps) is the natural order.

Now before everyone gets up in arms, its the natural order for a hunter gatherer people, which our genes are mostly adapted to.

Its also completely normal to have affairs without our partners knowledge. Basically we are designed for one mate who we will cheat on.

Added while we are set up for one partner, that doesn't mean there isn't a desire for more, which is seen when there is a disparagy of wealth and power.

Swinging is a way to have our cake and eat it to. Its satisfying our innate desire for affairs while maintaining our pair bond with our mate.

[Additude]

Swinging is a "concept", a different perception of the socially accepted process' of our societies fabric. While proven in our planets biology, monogamy is the default of those animals and species that do "mate for life". Humans have been subject to that concept of monogamy by religion, although biological scientists and anthropologists studying human evolution have a different belief about the promiscuity of the female gender, whose hard-wired sole responsibility within the species is the survival of the species. Hence the adaptation of the "Alpha Male" concept, where the alpha male is typically stronger and are the more aggressive males therefore considered more capable of survival. But alpha males do not typically make the best "providers". Some researchers believe that before the adaptation of the civilized world, the female was promiscuous.... bearing the child of the alpha male while being provided for by another male. Over the last couple of years there have been documentaries on Discovery Channel addressing this. Anyway, my point is, that as long as swinging remains a small slice of society, it poses less of a threat to the social fabric. If swinging was socially accepted by all and common practice by all of society, then we have to ask what problems would exist from that type of social behavioral structure? Religion has addressed this by marriage and monogamy. So although we swingers see swinging as "our whole world" that works for us within the confines of our liberties, we are really just a very small slice and have minimal impact on the overall social structure. Personally, I think swinging would be a huge social problem if it was practiced by all. Not so much the swinging itself, but more so the derivatives of it in the forms of the concept of "Family Structure", Sexual Promiscuity by both male and female, what it would do to the institution of marriage, etc. Swinging works for us, because we know how to work with it. Not all people can do swinging.... but all can do monogamy. Religion protects that.