Questioning Poly again

[Ed & Bunny]

When we first looked into swinging we did alot of research. (Ok we read as many posts here as we could) Of course we looked at the poly aspect and discussed it. We are all to human and there is always the possibility to fall in love with another. While we decided we werent seeking a poly relationship if the right thing came along we would let things happen and see how it goes.

Now over the past few weeks we have had some fellow nudist who are nonswingers living with us while waiting for their new house to close. It was an uncomfortable situation telling them they could stay as we have lived alone for many years now. But they are good friends and we couldnt even think of leaving them on the street when they suddenly had to leave their old place before getting the new.

Now the poly discution has come back up again. We had figured it would be very difficult having the freinds stay with us this long. It has been just the opposite. We havnt felt that our lives have been very disrupted at all. In fact I made sure to tell the couple not to feel like they have to rush next week once they get the keys. I told them to take their time, clean the place good , and do it right.

If things went this well with just friends we wonder what it would be like with a couple we felt alot more for. We talked for a good long while about this. We know there are issues that will come up, but we now know we could comfortably live with another couple. ( well for the short term at least)
We still have no plans to actively seek out a couple for a poly relationship, but I think we are more comfortable with the idea if the right pair come along.

[ncmd_couple]

Ed & Bunny,

We had a close female friend of L's live with us for a very long time as she went through a separation and a move across the country to our area at the time. Having someone stay with you, either for a few weeks, or a couple of years, there is one thing in the back of your mind, they are leaving at one point.

In a poly relationship, with someone living with you and you are wanting it to be a very long term relationship, is much more complicated as there are issues with visitors that can be ignored, and ones that can not be ignored with a long term partner or partners.

But to a certain extent, you are correct, having someone in your house didn't drive you nuts, and probably part of that is that they are fellow nudist. Had they not been, they would have had a more disruptive effect on your daily lives and the outcome would have been very different.

S

[WesternSwing]

Mrs. and I discovered a long time ago that we are very "communal", we like being with other couples especially in a communal setting where we all support each other. So I understand where you are coming from with your post.

Right now we are in a MFM triad and our secondary lives with us. It's definitely different than a MFMF situation though having to split my time with my wife with him, where for 12 years I've had every night with her in my bed, where with a MFMF you wouldn't have the empty bed scenario.

The key to all this though is getting into it with the right people, and it sounds like your nudist friends are even though they are not poly and probably won't go there with you. Just like a monogamous relationship, who you are in the relationship with makes all the difference. Another couple may not work out at all. That is the difficulty with a quad situation in polyamory, you have even one more person to screw-up the dynamics than with a triad, which has one more person than a monogamous or non-poly open relationship - such as swinging.

So keep your eyes open and you may just find that special couple.

Mr. WS

[gatorvol64]

It's been a goal for quite some time for the four of us to live together. I won't speak for the others because, while we've discussed this over time and thoughts have changed I don't know if that is still the case. It is for me and I'll tell you what has changed and some of why.

I would absolutely love to see Tech at least thirty minutes a day. But, for us to all live in the same house, it would have to be one special house. The two woman involved, myself and Kitten, are different. A lot different. And there are some trust issues for me with her. Though she and I do have a friendship. The biggest reason living in close quarters wouldn't work. Some of us need space. Granted I need the most, followed by Tech, Gator and then Kitten. She really doesn't like much alone time at all.

So, it would have to be a very special house or a duplex type of situation. I guess you could also do the houses next to each other...think Big Love.

I still want more time for us all four and I want to see Tech every day. I want regularly scheduled time with him. I want everything we could have while living together but over time we have realized more what we all need for that to work.

It's good that you have realized this is something that you possible could do. I agree with ncmd_couple in that you should really give it some thought...did the reality of knowing they WERE going to be leaving and it wasn't permanent having any bearing on how you felt. Could you still feel so sure if you thought the couple living with you would never be leaving?

Vol

[The Fuse]

This is a really nice post. Thanks for sharing. It is so interesting how certain combinations of greater-than-two can get along so seamlessly. Adding sex and love to that mix adds to the complexities of getting along. And then how some people who love each other are by no means guaranteed to get along in a living situation. It's a special brew of personalities who can make it work.

[Ed & Bunny]

Thanks all for your responses. Our houseguest are just about to move out. They would have been gone except for the fact that the plumbing in their new house was screwed. So we came to the rescue and should have their water on tommorow.

Now for the questions asked. Knowing they were only temporary, I dont think this made a difference to our thinking. It may have made it worse. They were just here but not being integrated into our lives so there was no work to solve issues that make us happy to have our home back. ie... chores and cleanup, the overfull fridge, being heavy footed while we sleep downstairs, and the dogs and the noises they make. If we ever came across a couple we could be serious with these issues would have to be discussed ahead of time.

In some ways we will miss them being here though. They are wonderfull people and good friends and having them always around for socializing was nice. Yes we will miss that. Knowing that the social aspect will be so much more when deeper feelings are involved lets us consider the idea.

Now I am not so naive to think that there are not any other issues that need to be looked at for a poly relationship. If we ever do decide to go for a poly relationship i will be doing more research here and on other sites. We still arent to the point of searching for poly, but if the right situation came along we will seriously look at it.