I am not sure what we are.

[pxjcp]

We are all very new to this.

The three of us are all in our early 50's.
D is a 50 female, very sexual, high sex drive, multi orgasmic
C is a 56 year old male and D and C have been married for 7 years and have a great and loving marriage Neither is jealous.
P is a 54 year old male and has been married to another for 30 + years.

History: at one time in the mid 1990's D and P met each other and had a 5 year relationship (sexual) while married to other people. Their marriages at the time was unfilled, abusive and restricted. They both called off the relationship and P and his wife moved to another state due to work. D divorced the other man. This year P moved back to his home town.

In 2002 C and D had a dating relationship and then married...A fun marriage and we are the best of friends and communicate about everything. C and D both had talked about swinging since both loved sex but D would only do it with someone she trusted. D had heard that P was back in town and spoke to C about contacting P. That contact was made we all met and C could see there was history and wanted to see if this relationship would work. We talked it over with P and he agreed. P is still in a unfilled relationship with his wife, there is no sex in this marriage. She has her life and P has his. The share a large 20 acre farm and P noted " it's cheaper to keep her", and his wife has mentioned to others , if they divorce her money train will be gone and the farm would be split. So they stay together and do their own thing.

Where we are today: C now has a medical condition caused by low testosterone and is being treated. C's mind is all out for intercourse, but his body doesn't last. So C has ok' d D and P to enjoy each other sexually. C has noted an excitement in D since she is now being pleased and involved with two men and C has commented that there us a spring in D's step. P has mentioned that he see's and acknowledges that C and D are in love and he does not want to mess anything up between C and D, he's is not a treat would back away if C and D wanted.

We all now see each other about twice a week, go to car shows, go out to eat together, take trips together and even to the beach for long weekends. Sometimes sex is not even in the picture since we all feel is not all about the sex but the long lasting companionship. And we all feel, we are not getting any younger so might as well enjoy each other with no limits. C and P hunt and fish together and work on old muscle cars as a hobby. C and P have so much in common its at times scary. C medications have helped him recover somewhat and C is able to enjoy time with both D and P sexually which is pleasurable for us all.

So is this MFM relationship swinging or a Poly and is there any dangers involved ?

Thanks D

[The Fuse]

First of all, to the Swingersboard! You've found the right place for discussion, information and support.

Sounds like poly to me. I don't think your post mentioned the word "love", but your relationship definitely goes beyond swinging. Sounds like it works for everyone.

The dangers: you sound smart enough to know what the dangers are. They are there, but personally I wouldn't let that stop something that seemed like a good thing to me. (Of course, I've been known to run off a cliff or two and end up unhappy after impact.) I'd say don't make big monetary investments together. And make sure the other wife is really okay with the arrangement, or at least isn't gathering evidence in a campaign to take away everything P has.

I suggest you take a look around the forums, especially the Poly forum. There's a lot of accumulated experience there.

[pxjcp]

Thank you The Fuse. What we did was to set down and totally discuss this, lay some hard rules out, NO money moves between us., C and I pay for ours, P pays for his.. We don't "live" together full timebut we do communicate and see each other alot during the week. And the love is between C and I. P has feelings but as he told C and I he's NOT in love with me. He's knows the difference. P enjoys the closeness of the friendship we 3 have and as we all say over and over, "we are not getting any younger" so might as well live a little. It's just a really close friendship of sorts with those exiting benefits of sex and doing things together. None of us want anybody else to play/swing with.. We pretty much have enough right here. Sexually it's a blast for me, because P is very large and thick long lasting where C is average but C has other excellent talents that P doesn't. So we complement each other in and out of the bedroom.. The dangers we see down the road are age and those limitations..The realtionship is interesting, kinda poly I guess but kinda closed swinging to.

PS that you for the welcome to the forum .... D

[ncmd_couple]

D,

A belated welcome to the Swinger's Board as well. Interestingly enough, I have 26 years experience of watching a somewhat simular sitation in my own life, though from the outside of the relationship(s) involved. That is a whole nother story.

The situation that you have described can work, and as I said, I have seen one that has worked for over 25 years. The key is keeping the two worlds seperate, P's disfunctional marrage, and the relationship that the three of you have together. It can be done, and obviously, the three of you have been successful at it so far. In the relationship that I have watched, they have been sucessful at it, because they have acknowledged the boundaries of the "different worlds" and work within those boundaries and accept them.

Enjoy life and good luck!

S

[pxjcp]

Thanks S, So far so good...

[Dave_kat]

Welcome to the board first off..

The only question we have with this is why label it. The relationship works for you, everyone's needs seem to be taken care of, and you're happy. While it is in our nature to label things, don't sweat the small stuff.

Otherwise, as long as everyone is satisfied (to include P's wife) you should be free to explore as you desire. Just make sure to maintain boundaries.

The good things about this lifestyle is the strength of friendships that you can make - and friends help each other out. Keep that in mind when thinking about things - you're each helping each other out making sure their needs are met.

[pxjcp]

Thanks Dave_Kat.. I totally agree with you. Not sure why we wanted to find out what we are, I guess through questions comes knowledge.

Otherwise, as long as everyone is satisfied (to include P's wife) you should be free to explore as you desire. Just make sure to maintain boundaries.

Anyway, 'P's wife well that's another story. This is P, she just doesn't care, it's been years since we have had sex so I was thankful when D and C contacted me... Mrs P, is in it for the $$ and to be kept at her current living standards... We have a considerable amount of land which was her's with a large 2 story house which I built and furnished resting on it. So she doesn't want to split the land and I don't want to split the house if you know what I mean. She does her thing and I do mine... there is no interest at all in sex or for that matter taking vacations etc...We do the family thing when the kids come home to visit, we get along but that's about it... PS, I live upstairs and she lives downstairs if that tells you anything.... In our state, there is a old saying.. "it's cheaper to keep her" and she feels the same way.. ' P '

[ncmd_couple]

P,

You and your wife have come to an accomidation that works for the two of you. And your relationship with D & C seems to be working also. As others have said, there is no reason to feel that you have to put a label on what you have. Life is short, enjoy what you have.

S

[slevin]

Originally Posted by pxjcp

In our state, there is a old saying.. "it's cheaper to keep her" and she feels the same way.. ' P '

You might be surprised. I know multiple people in different states and countries that have gotten divorced. In every case the guy was concerned about going broke; in every case the guy has discovered later that he's actually better off financially. Whatever works for you is fine, but you might end up surprised at how things will look after a divorce.

Personally I don't think staying around that kind of negativity would be worth the money anyway!

[pxjcp]

Slevin.... well you could be right, but in my case and in our state to pay her off we would have to sell the land and the house which means we both end up without what we want... Right now we get along... I do my thing with D and C she does hers.. Our kids are grown and we do the kid thing together but there is no sex.. One day one of us will go horizontal and the other will get the whole thing. P