Poly vs Swinging

[K McDonald]

I'm still a wannabe with my wife. To me the idea of her having a poly relationship (if I understand this correctly) is a totally hot idea. I love my wife so much, I would just be thrilled if she could find sexual satisfaction with a man who is better endowed than myself. I would be happy letting her have her cake and eating it, as long as it was something she wanted. So far she has no interest, but she knows where I stand, and maybe some day she'll get turned on by another man, and she'll know that she has the green light. (did that make any sense, or am I totally missing the mark?)

[JandY]

Not sure if our situation is considerd to be Poly.

We are two couples who only swing with each other (does a poly relationship only involve 3 people? Not sure on this).

If we are Poly, we can say that it's not without its problems because people's wants change and grow.

We were so happy when we achieved what we thought was our ultimate goal - another attractive couple that shared our desire for swapping and sharing.

But now 3 of us want to try more, but one doesn't.

We guys want to be free to play with each other (as the girls have always played with each other) but we can't.

If you think that a magical male will make you complete, maybe you're right and good luck, but don't bet on it.

People change. We are greedy by nature. We (or most of us) always want "more" or different.

Once a "taboo" becomes the norm, we tend to seek a different taboo or drop the taboo we once sought in a "been there, done that" fashion.

[ncmd_couple]

McDonald,

Your position of openess with your wife is not an unusual situation. You are open to the possibilities, but at this time she isn't. There could be many reasons for that, and you would have to ask her what they are. But this isn't really a poly situation unless what you are desiring is that the other male would be a long term close relationship. Is that what you are interested in?

S

[Tadahiko]

Speaking for a Poly threesome, Anna was my girlfriend in high school and my first lay. She and my wife have been best friends since 7th grade. Our relationship was borne out of having a great love for someone that we naturally wanted to extend into the sexual realm. It wasn't "we want to swing, but only with one person." The relationship came first.

And just like with a long-term partner, we spend more time doing other things with Anna than we do fucking her. If we didn't genuinely love Anna, it wouldn't have worked for this long.

That being said, Kari and I have had a number of other sexual encounters just for the sexiness of them, and Anna is free to hook up with other mates (although she hasn't chosen to in a long while now.)

In my simplistic view, Poly is about the relationship first, which blossoms into sex. Swinging is about wanting a particular sexual experience and then going out to find like-minded people who can help accommodate that sexual desire.

[ncmd_couple]

Tadahiko,

I think your right about poly being more about the relationship first than it is about the sex as it is in swinging. But I also think that everyone arrives at it differently. There isn't one road map for life.

S

[WesternSwing]

K McDonald, it seems to me that from what you write that you are really looking to swing, cuckold, or a hot-wife situation. The idea of your wife having sex with another man, one that is better endowed with you, is a turn-on. What about her being in love with this man though, and spending time with him outside of sex, like going on dates and movies and strolling through the park holding hands, kissing and giggling over stupid things? That is the difference between a poly relationship and swinging. Swinging is more about the sex, poly is more about an actual loving relationship that includes sex.

Mr. WS

[TheLorax]

I'll echo what others have said. The OP is looking to fulfill a sexual fantasy. Polyamory is more about your emotional relationships. Swingers can be polyamorous and still be involved in swinging and people in polyamorous relationships can be involved in outside sexual contact. In my triad, if one of my partners and I have sex with another person or couple, that person or couple isn't automatically part of our relationship, that's a seperate issue.

To JandY, I wouldn't exactly characterize your relationship with the other couple as a polyamorous one, I'd consider it closed swinging. Unless you have an emotional bond that goes beyond that of friendship with sex with the other couple. There is no hard line though, so if it feels polyamorous to you, I'd be the last person to tell you it isn't

[K McDonald]

Thanks for clarifying the emotional aspect of Poly vs Hotwife or Cuckold. I would never want my wife to get emotionally invested with another man. Keeping it to sex would be paramount for me, but I couldn't speak for my wife. To see her get turned on by a bulge in another mans pants, or to shoot a peek up her skirt to another man would keep me hard for a month. But if she did fall in love, I'd be heart broken.