moving in together

[musclecouple]

We have begun having conversations with another couple about the 4 of us living together, the girls are bi the guys are not, there seems to be love all around, we all get along real well. We're both going to sell our houses and relocate down in FL where we now have a place. Has anybody here done anything like this ? This is a pretty big step.

[LFM2]

I'll be the first to to you to the Swingers Board!

We're not involved in a Poly relationship, but I wish you the best and really want to know how things go.

[JustAskJulie]

That's a pretty big step. Like LFM2 I'm not poly so it's hard to imagine getting to that point with another couple - how did you get there? How long have the 4 of you been entertwined? Did it start as a poly thing? Or did you start as swingers and work into poly?

[musclecouple]

Hi Julie,
This is our first & only experience, we met them at a club about 2 years ago (first time we did that too), we live in different parts of the country. We have been getting together about every couple of months or so, usually down in FL, this has been a monogamous relationship, my wife has no desire to 'swing' with anybody else. They seem to be of the same opinion, and I of course, go along. Whenever we get together it is a fantastic and wild time and none of us can get enough.
This started out as a conversation between my wife and I in bed one night after watching an episode of 'Big Love', saying wouldn't it be cool if . . ., anyway, she, on her own, talked to them about it, and it turns out, their into the idea, and this thing has taken on a life of its own. It's a fun thing to fantasize about, but in real life, their are so many issues. At this point they all think they are surmountable, which I guess is the attitude you have to have, but it is SO big. That's why it would really be interesting to hear from somebody who has done something close to this.
The conversations, as you can imagine have been very interesting. The sleeping arrangements, rotating beds and stuff, pretty wild, think about it, how would it be to actually have 2 wives ?

[JustAskJulie]

There's definitely a lot to consider. Just moving to a different area is a big deal enough without adding on the whole moving in with another couple. What amounts of time have you been able to spend together as a 4some so far? You said you already have a place down there, are you thinking about moving into your own place first and seeing how things go when you see each other on a more regular basis... then working into moving in together?

For me, I would think in a poly situation it would have to be much like just a regular couple deciding to move in together - you'd have to get to that point where you can't stand the idea of being apart, and you already spend so much time together that it just makes sense.

If it's something you ALL feel comfortable and ready to do, that's great. But, it sounds like you are just along for the ride and letting them drive the car. I have to wonder if everyone has really given full consideration to the long-term (and short-term) impacts this can have on the individual relationships within the 4some.

Hopefully, you'll get some feedback at least from other couples who have considered it in the poly situations, if not actually tried it.

[The Fuse]

We've been in a situation where we were considering relocating. The relationship fell apart before we did it, but we would have done it. However, we had already lived with the couple for six months prior to that, so we already knew what it was like.

Please, please, consider the seriousness of what you are about to do. There are so many ways for you to regret this. If you consider the worst things that could happen and decide it is worth the risk, then doing it becomes more thinkable.

Are you and your wife employed in Illinois? Can you find other jobs in your new location? Would you be willing to wait until one of you actually finds another job to move?

Have you considered how difficult it will be for both couples to sell your/their houses in this market, and whether you might end up losing money?

How long have you been under one roof continuously with the other couple? If only a few days at a time, I strongly urge you to all take a long vacation together, like two or three weeks, and live together somewhere like a condo. Or one couple takes a vacation and comes to stay with the other, who is still working. That will give you more of a feel for what daily life will be like. Definitely do all the normal things like cooking, cleaning, getting on your normal sleep schedules, sharing the TVs, etc. And yes, start to negotiate how you would rotate sleeping schedules and everyone's viewpoint on that and how much sex there should be. You may find a few big surprises in the kitchen, the bedroom, etc.

Are there children involved? Biiiig question. How will this affect them? Is anyone going to have to be uprooted?

And the last, biggest question: are you willing to have your hearts broken, or to break theirs, after everyone moves? Remember, most relationships do go south for one reason or another, and I don't mean to Florida.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Are you and your wife employed in Illinois? Can you find other jobs in your new location? Would you be willing to wait until one of you actually finds another job to move?

Just focusing on this. Illinois, thanks to Chicago, pretty recession proof compared to much of the country.

Even if you don't have to worry about the money there is a huge difference between getting together every month or so and living the rest of your days together.

Its hard making a relationship work, its 4* as hard making a 4way one work.

[gatorvol64]

Ok, we are in a poly relationship but currently do not live in the same house. We've been together a little over 2 years and spend a lot of time together. We would like to live together and intend to do so at one point. For many of the reasons stated, we didn't want to initially and can not right now.

We've all four talked and talked about this. While it will solve many problems we currently have, we are aware it will open up new ones. We do spend a lot of time at each others houses and the chores and such, daily living, work out rather well. We haven't combined any bills as of yet though cell phones plans and the like are being researched. And deciding where we would live is another issue. Gator and I have a house that is big enough but not laid out the way we'd prefer but that is a small thing. Living right next to some of Gator's disapproving family is a big thing. Both households currently have older teenagers living in them and while they are generally for our relationship, we do not want to make it mandatory that we all live together. So, we'll probably wait until all are moved out. Selling houses right now would have at least one of us losing money.

I think the suggestions you've received about actually living some day to day life seems more than appropriate. You seem to be just having fun now and if you are only seeing each other every few months, you are probably still in the throes of NRE. While moving in together can nip that in the bud, it can also kill what you have.

Vol

[TheDeal]

This may seem like it's a bit strange, but I would have each of you take a Myers-Briggs test to determine the personality types involved. This will help everyone in determining who is more likely to need this or that kind of emotional help and what types of personalities do and do not mix well. You can read about this at: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia A free test is at: Personality Test

We got pretty close to doing the move in thing when things started to fall apart. It's very important to have a mix of people that regardless if issues, do not manipulate and use passive aggressive methods to express likes / dislikes.