Closing the door

[lustylearning]

I'm curious if any polys here have had an experience when half of a quad simply did not work out. And more specifically, whether the non-working half could gracefully resume a simple swing relationship while the other half maintains a closer relationship.

[ncmd_couple]

Lusty,

Just to make sure I understand your question, say you have two MF couples in a quad, Couple one are good, but couple two the male decided it isn't working, but the female does. Does the male of couple two back off but "plays" now and then while the female maintains the close relationship with couple one?

S

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Lusty,

Just to make sure I understand your question, say you have two MF couples in a quad, Couple one are good, but couple two the male decided it isn't working, but the female does. Does the male of couple two back off but "plays" now and then while the female maintains the close relationship with couple one?

S

lol - using letters may be more helpful

Couple AB and couple XY are primaries. A&X work just fine in the deeper realm, but B&Y do not. Has anyone seen a successful outcome in which A&X remaining intact, while B&Y just keep it in the swing partner realm?

[ncmd_couple]

Knowing human nature, that combo would probably lead to lots of drama. But anything is possible.

S

[gatorvol64]

I tend to agree with ncmd couple on this.

I guess it could depend on how long and how deep the quad as a whole went. If the couple that isn't working out were ever really that close. I would think it would work better if not swinging between the couples resumed. If the couple that works out sees each other only. There are all kinds of configurations for poly relationships.

Mega amounts of communication are going to be called for. While good communication is always a must, this situation would require even more in my opinion.

Vol

[The Fuse]

Been there, had the drama. A&X were poly, B&Y never were. Eventually it crashed and burned.

Also been with Q&W, where the male of the other couple eventually couldn't handle a quad as opposed to a threesome.

I would not recommend either of these two situations. Enough said.

[JustAskJulie]

Not to make light of the situation, but I feel like I'm reading a math problem.

(A+B) + (X+Y) - (B+Y) =

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Not to make light of the situation, but I feel like I'm reading a math problem.

(A+B) + (X+Y) - (B+Y) =

(A+X) My final answer.

[The Fuse]

Ha ha ha... the humor is welcome from my point of view.

[JustAskJulie]

I'm not poly and don't pretend to understand the deep workings of such a relationship especially when you are dealing with two couples involved (and therefore 4?...8? potential relationships).

But, my thought from an outsider is that if everyone is ok with the situation as you explained it then why not give it a try. Allow A+X to continue their poly relationship... and B&Y can continue to play occasionally in a swinger type situation. There's no harm in seeing how it works and it just might work.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I'm not poly and don't pretend to understand the deep workings of such a relationship especially when you are dealing with two couples involved (and therefore 4?...8? potential relationships).

But, my thought from an outsider is that if everyone is ok with the situation as you explained it then why not give it a try. Allow A+X to continue their poly relationship... and B&Y can continue to play occasionally in a swinger type situation. There's no harm in seeing how it works and it just might work.

This is what we thought too. Eventually it imploded. The other couple was never really straight with us about how they saw things at the end, but my feeling is that eventually B&Y weren't all that eager to get together on a swinger basis. I think that's when things went downhill because other feelings intruded -- imbalance, too much feeling in the wrong direction, etc. Eventually the other couple took a series of very quick actions that did not directly address the real issues, but made it clear that something was wrong. My confused and questioning reaction, which was probably a bit too strident, got us cut off entirely.

If I had it to do again, I like to think I would have chosen not to follow the path we did. We tried to manage the imbalance in a way that kept everyone happy. It was only possible for a certain period of time.

[BiloxiCouple]

In all seriousness, I have seen a couple of poly relationships over the years. We were never really close to the people. But both groups of them had problems over the years. Since it is hard enough for two people to make it work, adding to that number has to somehow increase the potential for problems good and bad.

Can you just imagine?

[WesternSwing]

We have known something of this sort.

Couple A&B we had played with many times. They had said in conversation that they could never do a poly relationship. Down the road they met couple X&Y and they became exclusive for over a year. But the still would not call it "poly" even though other than selling one of their homes and all moving in together they were. B (the wife) used to play with X (the husband) solo as well as with X&Y solo. A (hubby) never did play with them solo. In reality I think B was (is still?) in love with X and as long as everything was kept above board Y was totally okay with it.

B and X and Y is a poly relationship by any definition of the term.

However A (B's hubby) never did get into it and resented that B would not let him play solo outside of their little quad. Her own jealousy issues of not having him "there" even though she doesn't see the hypocrisy of herself playing solo.

A still talks with me on occasion and he is seeing someone solo and B doesn't know about them. We won't play with them because of this now. Knowing about it makes a liar out of us as much as him. So we just avoid them altogether in any manner past seeing them at a club or house party. A has also approached us to have threesomes but until we hear it from B's lips that it's okay that just won't happen.

So yes, it could work, but I think in more cases than not it will cause problems.

Mr. WS