Okay, here goes! - Page 3

VanHlebar · 04-14-2010, 10:48 AM

Lusty,

Your thread has really hit home with me personally. Mrs Van and I have a "not so vanilla couple" that I am sort of in the same boat with. I too have been trying to navigate the roads of this now for over a year. I have nothing to really add as you seem to have "worked out" your initial issues and now are on to working out seperation issues. I can only hope that the seperation issue will be short term or at least only temporary. Thanks for posting the link earlier..off to read it now.

-Van

lustylearning · 04-18-2010, 06:51 PM

Progress. I did, indeed, need to hear, see, feel things face to face to achieve it. Or maybe it was not so much progress as it was relearning the foundation of a relationship that I had begun to doubt. When my friend came home, we thought... I should say "I" thought that things would go back to "normal." Now I'm beginning to see that "normal" does not just "happen" for someone who's been gone for so long in hostile territory, alone. And a disconnect that I had taken personally was not personal. It exists, it seems, only with the intimate partner - his wife and me. I think it's PTSD of some sort. I had to talk, had to get it all out, when I realized that I could not respond to his affection. I knew it was a potential "deal breaking" conversation, for it would demand one of two responses: the rejection of a simple "fwb" or the affirmation of a lover. Either way, I could no longer pretend that I wasn't hurting. "Please don't give up on me," he whispered in my ear, "I don't want you to." If there were any words I needed to hear, it was those. I can work within that frame.

Btw, Miss Sunshine, no. I think the best is yet to come.

lustylearning · 06-19-2010, 05:08 PM

Then again... maybe not

This has become pretty much a failed experiment. But it's okay. Live, learn, and move on.

The Fuse · 06-19-2010, 06:46 PM

lusty,

If you don't mind writing about it, I'd really like to hear what happened. I was pulling for you on this one. Wish it went better for you. If you don't want to, no worries there either.

lustylearning · 06-20-2010, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Fuse

lusty,

If you don't mind writing about it, I'd really like to hear what happened. I was pulling for you on this one. Wish it went better for you. If you don't want to, no worries there either.

It boils down to: they're "just not that into" us

We're still friends, and I suspect we'll still spend friend time together, but... this relationship will never progress. Nobody's fault. I wish them nothing but the best.

Thanks for pulling for us

gatorvol64 · 06-21-2010, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lustylearning

Then again... maybe not

This has become pretty much a failed experiment. But it's okay. Live, learn, and move on.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. I like your attitude because it feels to me that trying isn't something you regret.

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04-14-2010, 10:48 AM	#31 (permalink)
VanHlebar Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 711 Location: Here Status: S	Re: Okay, here goes! Lusty, Your thread has really hit home with me personally. Mrs Van and I have a "not so vanilla couple" that I am sort of in the same boat with. I too have been trying to navigate the roads of this now for over a year. I have nothing to really add as you seem to have "worked out" your initial issues and now are on to working out seperation issues. I can only hope that the seperation issue will be short term or at least only temporary. Thanks for posting the link earlier..off to read it now. -Van

04-18-2010, 06:51 PM	#32 (permalink)
lustylearning Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 814 Location: Virginia Status: female half	Re: Okay, here goes! Progress. I did, indeed, need to hear, see, feel things face to face to achieve it. Or maybe it was not so much progress as it was relearning the foundation of a relationship that I had begun to doubt. When my friend came home, we thought... I should say "I" thought that things would go back to "normal." Now I'm beginning to see that "normal" does not just "happen" for someone who's been gone for so long in hostile territory, alone. And a disconnect that I had taken personally was not personal. It exists, it seems, only with the intimate partner - his wife and me. I think it's PTSD of some sort. I had to talk, had to get it all out, when I realized that I could not respond to his affection. I knew it was a potential "deal breaking" conversation, for it would demand one of two responses: the rejection of a simple "fwb" or the affirmation of a lover. Either way, I could no longer pretend that I wasn't hurting. "Please don't give up on me," he whispered in my ear, "I don't want you to." If there were any words I needed to hear, it was those. I can work within that frame. Btw, Miss Sunshine, no. I think the best is yet to come.

06-19-2010, 05:08 PM	#33 (permalink)
lustylearning Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 814 Location: Virginia Status: female half	Re: Okay, here goes! Then again... maybe not This has become pretty much a failed experiment. But it's okay. Live, learn, and move on.

06-19-2010, 06:46 PM	#34 (permalink)
The Fuse Way too opinionated Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,826 Location: Southeastern Virginia Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:The_Fuse	Re: Okay, here goes! lusty, If you don't mind writing about it, I'd really like to hear what happened. I was pulling for you on this one. Wish it went better for you. If you don't want to, no worries there either.
	__________________ Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

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