Jealousy and the Abyss

[ncmd_couple]

Jealousy and the Abyss
by William Pennell Rock
From the Journal of Humanistic Psychology, Vol. 23, No. 2, Spring 1983, 70-84.
Copyright ©1983 by the Association for Humanistic Psychology. Reprinted by permission
of the author at Planet Waves :: Next World Stories :: 11th Annual Edition 2009

Summary. Relationships -- and jealousy in particular -- provide an opportunity to come to a fundamental understanding of the self. Jealousy is the eruption of attachment. It can be transcended only through awareness. As we move with awareness into the core of this phenomenon, we pass through ungrounded expectations and beliefs, projections and delusions, envy, guilt, the loss of self-esteem, and the threat to security. The core is an existential problem; it has to do with illusion and the essentially fearful nature of the ego. In possessiveness, ego defends itself against nothingness. When we come to know and accept the nothingness at the core, jealousy and the pain of obsessive attachment cease.

Link to Full Article

This is very insightful on the issues that I think a lot of us have to deal with.

S

[Dienekes]

Very interesting article. I enjoy this type of writing and discussion, though i think the author limits the audience by getting to much into eastern philosophy and religious overtures, which is unfortunate.

The basic ideas in this article are fantasticly powerful and useful. To realize that it is possible to have an emotion, and not be swept away by it. To rather engage it, look at it, even pat it on its head, and still not become 'attached' to that emotion is incredibly powerful.

In fact if one has any hope of ever being able to truly grapple with the complexities of the inner world, and the complexities of the outer world of social interaction; not being overwhelmed by emotion is critical.

No doubt for many swingers, the primary emotion to grapple with is jealousy. I think the successful swingers, dont push it away, over time they learn to recognize the sensations of this emotion and not get swept away by it. The same techinique can be applied to all emotions.

1. Recognize
2. Acknowledge
3. Patience
4. Relaxation
5. The ability to be free of becoming overwhelmed by the emotion.

Just my ramblings. Thanks for the link to the article, im bookmarking that.

Dienekes

[ncmd_couple]

Dienekes,

Though I have seen jealousy in action, I don't think I have a jealous bone in my body so I can't really say what it would feel like to me.

S

[lustylearning]

Food for thought. I understand and agree with these concepts. I cannot say I achieve them. I am a selfish person, fundamentally. I seek my own happiness. I have strong desires. And while I understand that my happiness should never depend on others, even my primary, I know that it is the involvement of others in my life that contributes to my personal happiness. I can say for instance, that if my husband were to come to the conclusion that his happiness was best served by dissolving our relationship, I could logically let him go, for the sake of his happiness, but I know I would be overwhelmed by sorrow because of the loss to me. I would recover. I used to think I wouldn't, but some wisdom comes with age, I suppose.

I wish I could say that I don't have a jealous bone in my body, but it is my confidence in my relationship that allows me the comfort I feel - it is not a profound mastery of my inner world.

Oh well. I'm not done growing yet.

[ncmd_couple]

Lusty,

We never stop growing or learning more about ourselves and our partner.

S

[duskysub]

I find the concept of nothingness at the core depressing. My core is a wellspring of giving and being in a poly relationship fills that core. The more I love, the more love I receive. Jealousy to me is fear, plain and simple. Fear of rejection, fear of loss. When one no longer fears losing or being rejected, one is no longer jealous.