Who are Poly Folks Here?

[ncmd_couple]

I know that we have a number of Poly relationships represented by users here, thought I would make a roll call and ask you what your personal situation is at the moment.

We are poly oriented without an extra partner(s) right now.

S

[SecretAsianMan]

I'm more "poly-friendly" than anything else at this point... I've been poly in the past and still have lots of poly friends.

[TheDeal]

We're poly, but not extremist. We like having exclusive friend / sexual relationships, but we wouldn't refer to them as secondaries, maybe just gf / bf.

G

[The Fuse]

We are swingers who have had a poly relationship in the past and are open to doing it again, but not actively seeking nor hoping. Our poly relationship was not exclusive. If it happens again, it happens, but it was like a miracle the first time and not likely to be repeated.

Poly with secondaries (Vs); currently she has 1, I have none.

[WesternSwing]

We have been in poly relationships in the past, but right now there is no third in our life. We are open to another though. In the meantime we'll keep swinging, too.

Mr. WS

[lustylearning]

We are, by rule, simply swingers. But as with most rules, there is an exception.

[rpu3]

I suppose poly-friendly would be an descriptor, as I'm not against the concept of poly. I am in an open-marriage, and do have a relationship of sorts with a friend, in addition to my marriage. I'm not all that and a bag of chips on emotional matters, so I just don't identify too strongly with calling myself poly, although others might view it as a poly-like arrangement.

[TheDeal]

IMHO...for what it's worth. I feel the Internet has made alternative lifestyles available to anyone, at least for investigation. If my wife and I had only clubs and swinger mags to get information, we would have never even considered swinging. Boards like these and other dating-type lifestyle sites allowed us to investigate and talk to folks without fear. That said, I feel like some kind of light-poly is more natural to the bulk of folks out there. I would be willing to bet that most folks would prefer to have one or more couples to be close friends and exclusive with verses a new playmate or couple all the time. I am NOT putting down anyone who likes the variety. I am just saying that everyone (mostly, right?) likes sex, and who doesn't want to have fantasy sex? Allot of us are just not comfortable being promiscuous, but we still want to have freaky sex. Some sort of FWB or poly is a comfortable alternative to swinging. It kinda fits into what you're already used too...dating, getting to know someone, sex with just those someones.

G

[ncmd_couple]

G,

I think that a lot of it also has to do with how long we have been in the lifestyle (what ever that means to each of us) and how we got there in the first place. I think that couples who have been swinges for many, many years do not want anything more involved in "swinger friends" where the relationship is very casual at the most. I think a lot of that has to do with them probably starting before the internet. Those were the rules of the day in swinging.

We have been swinging for right at two years. We backed into swinging. So our view of life is affected by having many more options, one of which is poly. The lines of each group, poly, swinging, etc. are bluring more every day. But still, it is to each their own in how they want to live their lives. We just have more options today.

S

[TheDeal]

Yes! Right on the money S! Another interesting thing the Internet brings are the "fake" swingers. These are the ones that just want to watch, talk, and be watched without ever swapping partners. I know that erks some folks off, but it's fine by me as long as everyone is up front about their desires. It is interesting though because of the Internet, those folks have access to the LS, where as before they would have to venture into a club just to see.

G

[ncmd_couple]

G,

Yes, the voyeuristic aspects of the Internet have greatly increased the looky-loos out there. The fake profiles. The picture grabbers. Etc. Etc. Etc. But, at the same time, it is a wonderful window for those of us who feel that there is more in life than two hearts beating as one. That that it is ok for us to feel for others and to be able to accept ourselves, our feelings, and our desires. And that it is ok for us to openly share those feelings and desires with the ones we love and care about. So, like everything in life, you have to take the good with the bad. And I'm not gonna throw the baby out with the bath water.

S

[mick2150]

I think in all of the dozen or so posts I have made, I have consciously outed myself as poly-supportive/sensitive - even if I am not right now, poly-active. But then there is such a broad spectrum of 'polyness' - each person & each relationship needs to negotiate & agree the ground rules that are going to work for all involved.

I am in a number of intimate relationships on-going - they range from 'close friends' .... 'Close FWB's' .... but no primary relationship at present (except maybe with myself!); the common thread is that all are open & honest and, as is appropriate to the circumstance, I have no problem sharing 'news' about my connections with any of my connections. The day that I sense jealousy rearing it's green-eyed head, is the day that I start to confront the situation & try to find out what the real problem is that lies below the surface.

The poly spectrum can 'swing' from one extreme to another! And it need not be a static scene - it can be open to adaptation & change. However, I do feel that there is a subtle difference between being 'poly' (whatever flavour) and being poly-active. I think it is a mind set - either you are poly-OK, active personally at this time or not, or you may be playing with the poly idea, but I don't think a born poly - hard-wired as they say - can really change; then I don't believe that those of my friends who are in one of the GLBT persuasions can switch their orientation from ON to OFF.

M.

[avid]

I am part of a poly triad, actually a Vee (although I really don't care for that particular word).

I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years, and with my (male) partner for just over 3 years. Through a consistent effort, a bit of luck, and a lot of communication, we have blended our families and have lived together for the past almost 2 years. We just came back from a family vacation in Florida.

My husband and my partner are developing a solid friendship based on mutual respect and love for me. They never fight, nor even so much as argue. My partner and I are much more volatile, given our personalities and also the fact that we're in business together. Lots of fun and excitement!

We also swing together, but our opportunities are somewhat limited because of time constraints. We're hoping to get a little more time for that this winter.

[IvoryTowers]

Being academics, we researched this lifestyle thoroughly before we got involved, and that included poly.

I am absolutely not poly because I am an extreme introvert. And I mean that in the technical sense--I'm not at all shy or awkward around people, but to recharge my batteries, I need complete alone time. I know I love Mr. Ivory because he's the ONLY person who doesn't drain me (and even then, if he goes off for a day with the boys I love it). So although I enjoy swinging, the planets would have to be in extraordinary alignment for me to want another relationship.

Mr. Ivory, OTOH, while something of an introvert, is more in need of emotional attachments, more connected, more passionate about everything. When we started swinging, I was worried about him falling in love with someone else and I told him so, but I'm not worried about that anymore. If he meets a woman and develops a connection, I think I'll be happy for him (I say think because how can one really know?). He's the most ethical and compassionate person I know, so he'd work very hard to make sure both his women feel special and I'm sure anyone he loved would become a good friend of mine. So what's to fear? Hey, it would probably work to my advantage, as I could get more alone time without feeling I was shutting him out!

So long winded way of saying poly friendly and aware.