Who are Poly Folks Here?

**ncmd_couple** · 01-02-2009, 10:04 PM

Well, I'll be honest here. I have never lived in a poly relationship. Came real close once. But it didn't turn out that way and honestly, I was stumbling along unaware that it really happens. I would like to get more discussions going here in the poly thread, but really don't have the experience on tap to start new topics. So I'm going to do my best, but it would be great if those of you in current or past poly relationships would help me out some!!!

Thanks!

S

Nitati · 01-03-2009, 02:40 AM

I'm poly... the hubby is not. But he's willing to share, lol

Still, the "poly" in me is currently inactive and will likely stay that way for a good long while. Being a wife & mom, and trying to start/maintain new relationships is too mentally & emotionally draining. Plus, I have no intention of living in a menage or commune as I am not the type that believes it's okay to blend families & involve children in something just so the adults can be happy. Perhaps that has something to do with living in a small town... or that we're already a multicultural family? Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

**fun4Ds** · 01-03-2009, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitati

I'm poly... the hubby is not. But he's willing to share, lol

Still, the "poly" in me is currently inactive and will likely stay that way for a good long while. Being a wife & mom, and trying to start/maintain new relationships is too mentally & emotionally draining. Plus, I have no intention of living in a menage or commune as I am not the type that believes it's okay to blend families & involve children in something just so the adults can be happy. Perhaps that has something to do with living in a small town... or that we're already a multicultural family? Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

Nitati, I dont understand. I want to though

You say you are poly. By that, do you mean you have feelings of love for playmates. But would prefer to be discrete about everything, now that you have family ?

Could you explain more ?

Nitati · 01-03-2009, 10:54 AM

Sure! I develop emotional attachments to people quickly and easily... which isn't necessarily a good thing. On the one hand, it means I make friends with the people I meet day to day fairly easily. On the other, it's made our search for potential playmates a little difficult because most people we come across don't want any emotional attachment at all (understandable) but I'm having difficulty being sexually attracted to people without actually getting to know them, knowing that they only want a one-time only, preliminary type of encounter. Does that make sense?

Being poly to me is about the emotional attachment and personal growth that develops, and the relationship may or may not include sex. It's about sharing life & love with deep, meaningful attachment with more than one person at a time. And that's just not something I'm willing to struggle through any more (I guess you can say my priorities are different now). Once upon a time, maybe. But it's risky behavior considering that I already have a husband (we've been together since 15, married since 19) and now 2 young kiddos that I'm putting 110% of myself into loving and caring and providing for. I'm very happy with the loves of my life, and don't want to complicate things any further by falling in love with others.

My hubby doesn't share this type of mindset with me at all, lol. But he understands it. Heck, sometimes he understands it (and me) better than I do! He'd probably be able to explain it better as well, but he doesn't talk or type much

**ncmd_couple** · 01-03-2009, 08:33 PM

Nitati,

I understand completely where you are coming from. There is a woman that I love and care for and met many years before I met my wife. Circumstance have been such that our lives are joined, but not closely. And honestly, over the last 15 years, those circumstances have made it so that our love for each other will never be what it had the potential to be.

You have obligations in the kidos that is primary. But keep your heart true, you never know when you will meet someone, and hopefully that someone will understand and wait, maybe for the next cycle of life.

S

toycple · 01-12-2009, 10:53 AM

We have only been poly for the last year or so. For a while we both had this one girlfriend but that didn't work out. Then we went on to have sort of an open door relationship with a close swinger couple we know. We regularly take each other spouse out on dates. We have thought of trying it with other couples but none have really seemed to fit rite.

avid · 01-12-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitati

Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

As a woman who has a blended poly family, the way this reads to me is that there is a conclusion reached that it WILL cause suffering, not that there is a POTENTIAL for that. I'm curious as to where that assumption comes from.

duskysub · 01-12-2009, 07:24 PM

My hubby and I are fully poly and were before we met which makes it easier! Our kids are aware and always have been, although they don't openly discuss it with their friends.

gatorvol64 · 01-29-2009, 11:12 PM

We are part of a closed quad. We do not live together at this time though that is a goal of ours. That probably won't happen until all the kids are out on their own. Just not feasible right now.

Gator and I have been married right at 25 years and Tech and Kitten have been married 13 years. We met swinging two years ago this past Monday.

Vol

lustylearning · 01-29-2009, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatorvol64

We are part of a closed quad. We do not live together at this time though that is a goal of ours. That probably won't happen until all the kids are out on their own. Just not feasible right now.

Gator and I have been married right at 25 years and Tech and Kitten have been married 13 years. We met swinging two years ago this past Monday.

Vol

Happy anniversary

femnewb4u2 · 01-30-2009, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lustylearning

Happy anniversary

Add one more "Happy Anniversary"

.

avid · 01-30-2009, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatorvol64

We are part of a closed quad. ... We met swinging two years ago this past Monday.

Happy Anniversary!

We celebrated 3 years in October.

**ncmd_couple** · 01-30-2009, 11:56 AM

Congratulations on your anniversary!

yourbitterpill · 01-30-2009, 07:10 PM

Mrs. YBP here. While we started out as just full-swappers, we're now involved in a mfm triad, or 'vee' - though like Avid, I don't really care for that term. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. He and Mr. YBP are friends.

pants_1 · 02-03-2009, 12:54 PM

Well, as some of you know, I'm in the midst of the transition to poly. Right now, my wife has a boyfriend (that's what I call him, anyway), and another possible hookup waiting in the wings. She and her boyfriend actually just had their first fight the other day... aww...

I'm not active, partly by choice... I'm looking, but taking it very slowly. Apart from the fact that I'd just like to have more sex (my sex drive is a bit higher than my wife's), I'm in no real hurry to do anything. With all the recent drama, I don't feel like precipitating any more crises until the recent ones have calmed down.

The whole poly thing was something she has wanted for a long time (since we met, really). I don't have a problem with it, as long as the "primary" relationship stays strong. That seems to set off everyone's warning bells, except mine.

I have gotten a lot of flak; some mistakes were made, and some drama has resulted. We didn't follow some of the swinging rules (and some logical safety rules too, but that has been dealt with), and that has bothered some people on the board. I don't mean to sound ungrateful... I've gotten lots of great support and advice. But I do think the situation is a simply different, and I am honestly a little afraid of being judged.

So that's where I am.

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01-02-2009, 10:04 PM	#16 (permalink)
ncmd_couple Julie's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,023 Location: North Carolina Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:ncmd_couple	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? Well, I'll be honest here. I have never lived in a poly relationship. Came real close once. But it didn't turn out that way and honestly, I was stumbling along unaware that it really happens. I would like to get more discussions going here in the poly thread, but really don't have the experience on tap to start new topics. So I'm going to do my best, but it would be great if those of you in current or past poly relationships would help me out some!!! Thanks! S __________________ Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good! Last edited by ncmd_couple : 01-03-2009 at 08:27 PM.

01-03-2009, 02:40 AM	#17 (permalink)
Nitati Healthy, Happy, and Here Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 46 Location: NC Status: Couple - We both read, but she does all the typing. Swing Lifestyle Name:Nitati	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? I'm poly... the hubby is not. But he's willing to share, lol Still, the "poly" in me is currently inactive and will likely stay that way for a good long while. Being a wife & mom, and trying to start/maintain new relationships is too mentally & emotionally draining. Plus, I have no intention of living in a menage or commune as I am not the type that believes it's okay to blend families & involve children in something just so the adults can be happy. Perhaps that has something to do with living in a small town... or that we're already a multicultural family? Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

01-03-2009, 10:54 AM	#19 (permalink)
Nitati Healthy, Happy, and Here Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 46 Location: NC Status: Couple - We both read, but she does all the typing. Swing Lifestyle Name:Nitati	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? Sure! I develop emotional attachments to people quickly and easily... which isn't necessarily a good thing. On the one hand, it means I make friends with the people I meet day to day fairly easily. On the other, it's made our search for potential playmates a little difficult because most people we come across don't want any emotional attachment at all (understandable) but I'm having difficulty being sexually attracted to people without actually getting to know them, knowing that they only want a one-time only, preliminary type of encounter. Does that make sense? Being poly to me is about the emotional attachment and personal growth that develops, and the relationship may or may not include sex. It's about sharing life & love with deep, meaningful attachment with more than one person at a time. And that's just not something I'm willing to struggle through any more (I guess you can say my priorities are different now). Once upon a time, maybe. But it's risky behavior considering that I already have a husband (we've been together since 15, married since 19) and now 2 young kiddos that I'm putting 110% of myself into loving and caring and providing for. I'm very happy with the loves of my life, and don't want to complicate things any further by falling in love with others. My hubby doesn't share this type of mindset with me at all, lol. But he understands it. Heck, sometimes he understands it (and me) better than I do! He'd probably be able to explain it better as well, but he doesn't talk or type much __________________ Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. --Dr. Seuss

01-03-2009, 08:33 PM	#20 (permalink)
ncmd_couple Julie's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,023 Location: North Carolina Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:ncmd_couple	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? Nitati, I understand completely where you are coming from. There is a woman that I love and care for and met many years before I met my wife. Circumstance have been such that our lives are joined, but not closely. And honestly, over the last 15 years, those circumstances have made it so that our love for each other will never be what it had the potential to be. You have obligations in the kidos that is primary. But keep your heart true, you never know when you will meet someone, and hopefully that someone will understand and wait, maybe for the next cycle of life. S __________________ Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

01-12-2009, 10:53 AM	#21 (permalink)
toycple Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 84 Location: Lake Worth, Texas Status: Married Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:toycple	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? We have only been poly for the last year or so. For a while we both had this one girlfriend but that didn't work out. Then we went on to have sort of an open door relationship with a close swinger couple we know. We regularly take each other spouse out on dates. We have thought of trying it with other couples but none have really seemed to fit rite.

01-12-2009, 07:24 PM	#23 (permalink)
duskysub Here to Stay Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 11 Location: Dayton, OH Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:duskysub	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? My hubby and I are fully poly and were before we met which makes it easier! Our kids are aware and always have been, although they don't openly discuss it with their friends.

01-29-2009, 11:12 PM	#24 (permalink)
gatorvol64 Retired Mod Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,402 Location: Florida Status: Married Couple & half of a quad Blog Entries: 21	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? We are part of a closed quad. We do not live together at this time though that is a goal of ours. That probably won't happen until all the kids are out on their own. Just not feasible right now. Gator and I have been married right at 25 years and Tech and Kitten have been married 13 years. We met swinging two years ago this past Monday. Vol __________________ He is the Gator and she is the Vol.

01-30-2009, 11:56 AM	#28 (permalink)
ncmd_couple Julie's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,023 Location: North Carolina Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:ncmd_couple	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? Congratulations on your anniversary! __________________ Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

01-30-2009, 07:10 PM	#29 (permalink)
yourbitterpill Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 41 Location: Chicago, IL Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:yourbitterpill2004	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? Mrs. YBP here. While we started out as just full-swappers, we're now involved in a mfm triad, or 'vee' - though like Avid, I don't really care for that term. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. He and Mr. YBP are friends.

02-03-2009, 12:54 PM	#30 (permalink)
pants_1 Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 50 Location: ... Status: ...	Re: Who are Poly Folks Here? Well, as some of you know, I'm in the midst of the transition to poly. Right now, my wife has a boyfriend (that's what I call him, anyway), and another possible hookup waiting in the wings. She and her boyfriend actually just had their first fight the other day... aww... I'm not active, partly by choice... I'm looking, but taking it very slowly. Apart from the fact that I'd just like to have more sex (my sex drive is a bit higher than my wife's), I'm in no real hurry to do anything. With all the recent drama, I don't feel like precipitating any more crises until the recent ones have calmed down. The whole poly thing was something she has wanted for a long time (since we met, really). I don't have a problem with it, as long as the "primary" relationship stays strong. That seems to set off everyone's warning bells, except mine. I have gotten a lot of flak; some mistakes were made, and some drama has resulted. We didn't follow some of the swinging rules (and some logical safety rules too, but that has been dealt with), and that has bothered some people on the board. I don't mean to sound ungrateful... I've gotten lots of great support and advice. But I do think the situation is a simply different, and I am honestly a little afraid of being judged. So that's where I am.

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