Finding time to be with your OSO

[gatorvol64]

I blog here from time to time about our poly relationship and truthfully, I get some good feedback. Since I realize not everyone reads the blogs, I thought I'd post this question in the forum where more people visit.

Particularly for those in a poly relationship where everyone does NOT live together (insight is welcome from all however), is it difficult for you to find time to spend with your OSO? If so, what are some of the ways you've found to help with this?

A brief background of "us". We are in a poly-fi quad of two couples. We live 2 hours apart but work one hour apart. One of the three of us works shift work. The rest of us work basically 8-5 jobs. The distance and the shift work are huge problems when it comes to spending time together. My other husband and I love spending time together but we can go longer periods without it than Gator and Kitten can. Their personalities make face to face communication more of a necessity for them to stay close. Emails, texts and phone calls are all something the four of us do but they get disconnected easier than Tech and I do. And wouldn't you know, Gator is the one that works shift work. Since neither Tech or I work strange hours, technically, it is easier for the two of us to see each other. Technically. Realistically it can be different.

Any suggestions here would be appreciated. Particularly for Gator and Kitten.

Thanks,
Vol

[rpu3]

Particularly for those in a poly relationship where everyone does NOT live together (insight is welcome from all however), is it difficult for you to find time to spend with your OSO? If so, what are some of the ways you've found to help with this?

I guess most live together, since this thread has been silent?

One question I had for you was what do you mean by "disconnected" regarding Kitten and Gator?

I know that finding a mutually compatible time can be an issue on occasion. Juggling two different peoples' schedules and individual obligations, holidays, friends, family, and even that monthly issue can be a pain. It's sometimes hard after getting together because who knows how long it will be before schedules align again.

One thing that seems to help me is that once I've returned home from a visit, readjusted to home and returned to work is to plan the next visit. Planning, for some reason, really helps me; I like knowing that there something to look forward to out there on the horizon and it's fun to try to find places to go, things to do, and events to see to augment the sex part of things. Luckily, my friend is pretty good about throwing out his available dates so that I can go into my little rituals of planning and researching.

We live in a world where the internet can almost alleviate long distances. The words can reach anywhere. Luckily, I love the internet and its tools. It allows for IM and phone service and e-mail. I like to IM or talk on the phone weekly, and I'm a fan of e-mail as well, and I'll send a few during the week with the more mundane stuff to save the real-time communication for more interesting topics. I feel pretty connected via the IM/phone call/e-mail method, which helps when getting together in person; it minimizes the awkward a little. I look forward to seeing my friend, and of course I like in-person better than e-mail, but I can get by in the meantime through electronic communication.

I can see, with the different dynamics between our situations, how this would be quite hard for you guys. That's a lot of energy, emotional and otherwise, expended trying to maintain your marriages/your quad via a long distance relationship. Trying to have a long distance (for the time being) marriage with someone with whom you crave primacy and closeness and a day-to-day connection must suck.

Have you figured out any tips of your owns since the time you posted your original query?

[Nitati]

Hmm... could you not setup one or two weekends a month that you all four get together? (you know like the first & third weekends we all four spend together; the second and fourth weekends A&C stay at A&B's house while B&D stay at C&D's house... if that makes sense? A&B and C&D are the "original" couples who see each other every day).

That must truly be hard... best wishes to your quad!!!

[babycole]

I think rpu3 gave some great advice. Everything always seems to be much more managable when you know when the next time things will happen again. Seem to be the case with lots of things in life. Another thought is what about web cam conversation between the two? It's still the convience of technology, but they can still see the sincerity in each other's eyes, how compliments make the other smile, etc. Still not as worthy or reconnection as in person face to face meetings, but better than just a regular email or phone call...

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by rpu3

I guess most live together, since this thread has been silent?

One question I had for you was what do you mean by "disconnected" regarding Kitten and Gator?

Well, they just can't seem to communicate electronically well. They need the sound, and even the expressions, that go along with their communication to really not misunderstand some things. They are working on this.

Originally Posted by rpu3

One thing that seems to help me is that once I've returned home from a visit, readjusted to home and returned to work is to plan the next visit. Planning, for some reason, really helps me; I like knowing that there something to look forward to out there on the horizon and it's fun to try to find places to go, things to do, and events to see to augment the sex part of things. Luckily, my friend is pretty good about throwing out his available dates so that I can go into my little rituals of planning and researching.

I'm a planner myself. Not as much as I used to be because it just is difficult for me to get all three of them on board with that. So, I've learned to deal with less structure. I like to know when we are seeing each other again. It makes it easier to get through the times we aren't able to. If I can tell myself, "Ok, four more days is all you have to wait", the wait goes by faster I think.

Originally Posted by rpu3

We live in a world where the internet can almost alleviate long distances. The words can reach anywhere. Luckily, I love the internet and its tools. It allows for IM and phone service and e-mail. I like to IM or talk on the phone weekly, and I'm a fan of e-mail as well, and I'll send a few during the week with the more mundane stuff to save the real-time communication for more interesting topics. I feel pretty connected via the IM/phone call/e-mail method, which helps when getting together in person; it minimizes the awkward a little. I look forward to seeing my friend, and of course I like in-person better than e-mail, but I can get by in the meantime through electronic communication.

I'm an internet junkie I suppose. And I've become quite good at texting. Tech and I made a promise to each other to actually talk on the phone more. We've been doing well with that. Because we both have access and find electronic forms of communication easy, we had started to rely on those.

Originally Posted by rpu3

I can see, with the different dynamics between our situations, how this would be quite hard for you guys. That's a lot of energy, emotional and otherwise, expended trying to maintain your marriages/your quad via a long distance relationship. Trying to have a long distance (for the time being) marriage with someone with whom you crave primacy and closeness and a day-to-day connection must suck.

Yeah, it definitely sucks sometimes. But in the end, it's worth it.

Originally Posted by rpu3

Have you figured out any tips of your owns since the time you posted your original query?

Just to better utilize any time we can squeeze in. Thanks for your help.

Vol

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by Nitati

Hmm... could you not setup one or two weekends a month that you all four get together? (you know like the first & third weekends we all four spend together; the second and fourth weekends A&C stay at A&B's house while B&D stay at C&D's house... if that makes sense? A&B and C&D are the "original" couples who see each other every day).

That must truly be hard... best wishes to your quad!!!

We actually do have two weekends a month that we are at one or the other's house. It's just that, due to the shift work Gator works, they are back to back weekends. Alternating ones would be better.

Vol

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by babycole

I think rpu3 gave some great advice. Everything always seems to be much more managable when you know when the next time things will happen again. Seem to be the case with lots of things in life. Another thought is what about web cam conversation between the two? It's still the convience of technology, but they can still see the sincerity in each other's eyes, how compliments make the other smile, etc. Still not as worthy or reconnection as in person face to face meetings, but better than just a regular email or phone call...

Now, webcam conversations are a thought. I'll have to see about getting one that works. Thank you.

Vol