Sweet & sour taste of loss.

[dancers]

Hi folks.

Like the comment of this forum says - polyamory and swinging are two different things, but boy - they sometimes DO overlap.

We have been lurkers on SwingersBoard for a few years now, and never really needed advice. Nor do we need now - but we want to share a story with you - maybe you will learn from our mistakes. ( Or maybe there were none - we're not sure now... ).

We're a steady couple, recently married after 7 years since our first meeting. We 'click' together - have various common interests, and have a fantastic sex life.
3 years ago we meet a girl that we were drawn to. She is tiny, very nice and we liked her a lot.
To make the story short our trio had lots of sex in the beautiful city of Prague. The time there was a constant turn-on for all three of us in the following years.

When we got back home we were seeing each other often (we live 7-10 minutes from our newfound lover) - and there was fair amount of a 'bedroom acrobatics'.
Apart from great sex - we felt good together. Life was grand.

Then - at our wedding - she found her 'significant other'. He's a really great guy, with a great sense of humor, who was as struck by her as she was by him.
They are a couple now - glowing from happiness.

We are happy for her, but at the same time we feel tremendous loss.
We should have been prepared for this - sooner or later it had to happen. We - as a couple have hidden our relationship with her. No kisses on the streets no flowers, no dinners with parents. Our environment, families, workplaces couldn't take it, right ?

The funny part is - talking with my wife after all this we admitted that each of us thought about living with her - in a steady, three-people-in-a-house sexy and loving relationship. We were to scared to admit it even to each other.

Now it's too late - and we cannot stop thinking we lost someone really important.

And I cannot stop thinking I'm more a coward than I admit to.

So - people - don't waste your chances.

[rpu3]

Thank you for sharing your story.

Hopefully you aren't losing your friend for good, but just losing that aspect of your relationship. Not that it makes it any better. But lessons learned and thanks for sharing what you learned.

[GoNatural]

Sounds like her new lover is only interested in monogamy, otherwise some possibilities might be available, even if she would not become a "live-in" lover. If her new lover were also poly, or into the "hotwife" scene, wouldn't it be great. She'd have a bit of freedom to continue with her previous sex life then.

Unfortunately, men and women don't always find similiar lovers when it comes to sexual fantasies or desires. Sure, some do, and they are so lucky.

[gatorvol64]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Have you only lost the sexual part of your relationship? Are the three of you not in contact at all?

You are right...we shouldn't put off things that deal with our loved ones. Each chance you pass up could be the last one you get.

Vol

[Vjklander]

We had a somewhat similar experience with a very fine lady and at another time a very fine gentleman. They both found significant others and moved on to that relationship. I could never bemoan the fact that they found happiness with another. they are all still great friends although only one still plays.
My friends, it is all about happiness. And someone else being happy is never an excuse for us to be sad.

[dancers]

Hi again, and thanks for the kind words.

We will keep in touch, but for the moment it's hard for us to see her with someone else. Of course - like Vjklander wrote - it's all about happiness and we're very happy for her. But at the same time - very sad that we lost this aspect on relationship with her, and (even more) because we could not give her what she needed.
So for now - the happiness is tainted, but we hope it will pass.
The funny thing is how differently we express our grief. Ms Dancers is mostly OK, but then she cries a little holding me tight, and I.. I'm just constantly sad (what takes it's toll on her I suppose). I need to put on my best face for her, but boy - it's hard.

[ncmd_couple]

Dancers,

I'm not in a poly relationship, though I can see myself in one as that was what I was originally seeking. I'm not going to throw you platitudes, but maybe a lifeline to hold onto. Your lady friend has found someone, yet she too has lost something. Right now she is in a new relationship, and of course, she will focus her attentions in that direction right now. Leave the door and your hearts open to her and her new partner. You never know what will, or will not, happen. Do not be sad, she is not lost, her heart has accepted more love, let the newness settle.

Huggs and kisses to you and your wife.

S

[SweetandSalty1]

^great advice, I couldn't have said it any better.