Am I Wrong For Feeling Hurt?

[FeelingBetrayed]

My husband and I have been swingers for a while now and about 5 years ago I/we invited a woman into our lives to be 'our' girlfriend...Her and I became real close and things were good...In the beginning the 3 of us used to play but slowly she removed me from the triangle...Her and my husband began to just play without me...They would hook up for solo meetings and play alone...I was aware of most of the meetings but this caused them to become closer than I was comfortable with...I expressed to my husband that I was uncomfortable with the situation but he chose not to do anything about it...My husband and I grew further apart and I sought attention elsewhere and even with a few men that were not in the lifestyle...I know that my affairs were wrong and I am not trying to minimize that...Well all this time that I was having these affairs our girlfriend knew about them...Things continued to get more and more strained between myself and them two...I asked my husband again to remove her from our marriage...He once again chose not to...Finally things got ugly and she told my husband my secrets...I lied and tried to deny these things but I had to finally tell the truth...I hated her for what she did and thought that she had done me wrong...My husband seemed to think it was all my fault and she had no fault at all...My husband and I have talked and we know where we both went wrong and we are going to try to move forward and work on our marriage...But now to my question/situation/dilemma...Since all this happened I went back and apologized to her (the girlfriend) for my part in this situation...Her and I are on speaking terms but no where near the friends that we were previously...My husband wants to keep her as a girlfriend but to me it is too hurtful to allow him and her continue this relationship...We all run a swing club and throw parties together so I don't have a problem being cordial and polite but I feel that the two of them being any more than that is too risky giving the fact that they both are in love with each other...Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[ourrockstarlife]

No you are not wrong, but you two have crossed a line that should have been more defined from the beginning. DJ and I seek only sexual fulfillment from others. Emotional fulfillment is only for us. This is why we do not seek singles that often. Men or women.

I would run, not walk, out of this lifestyle and seek some counseling if you want to repair your marriage.

Good luck

[VegasLee]

Not going to really addresses the part if you are wrong for felling hurt.

You all messed up big time. Pretty equal from what I can see.

Your husband for not cutting it off with the other is not something that you should be going along with though.

If you two want to make a go of it then it has to be on terms that you both agree on. The "other" women has no say in your relationship with your husband.

If he can not agree then you have decisions to make. Right now you are bowing to "their" wishes and that is not what your relationship with him should be.

Sounds like it is time to forget about doing parties together. This is not a good example of what this lifestyle is about.

You two have some very hard choices to make in your life but they have to be made. I believe you already know that by reading your post. Someone here has to be the adult and step up.

Good luck to you.

[JustAskJulie]

What Lee Said!

You all went way wrong but he should not be staying involved with this girl. IMO, he should have broken it off when you asked to begin with.

This is just a bad situation

[safireblues]

This isn't swinging, it's polyamory with undefined borders and is a total mess.

Either he ends it or you're out. And stay monogamous for at least a few years to reconnect.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Not going to really addresses the part if you are wrong for felling hurt.

You all messed up big time. Pretty equal from what I can see.

Your husband for not cutting it off with the other is not something that you should be going along with though.

If you two want to make a go of it then it has to be on terms that you both agree on. The "other" women has no say in your relationship with your husband.

If he can not agree then you have decisions to make. Right now you are bowing to "their" wishes and that is not what your relationship with him should be.

Sounds like it is time to forget about doing parties together. This is not a good example of what this lifestyle is about.

You two have some very hard choices to make in your life but they have to be made. I believe you already know that by reading your post. Someone here has to be the adult and step up.

Good luck to you.

Yet again, Lee hit the nail on the head.