What my wife wants...

[a. synonymy]

This is the wife again. I'm glad to see that I was mistaken in the level of skepticism. Thank you for your support. I don't really know all of the reasons I enjoy this indulgence, but I know that I do. So to me that's enough, I suppose. I guess that's why I'm a little defensive. babeandhon, thanks for the post as well. It makes me feel as though I'm not alone. I don't know how close our situations are, but I completely don't feel crazy reading your post. Thank you for that. My husband had to help me with the smile thingy. Anyways, we'll continue to browse this forum and ask questions if anything comes up.

Thank you guys!

[ncmd_couple]

a._synonymy,

I have been lurking in this thread as well. A rule in the swing community is that if Momma isn't happy, no one is happy. As long as the two of you are happy, it is all good. My one comment is for your hubby. I strongly suggest that you don't look for a partner at work. Yes, it is easier because it provides a good venue for meeting other women, but the dangers of serious problems is just too great.

I have seen profiles on SLS where they register as a couple and the wife clearly states that she is looking for a woman for her man. I don't know how well they work, but they are there. You might also look for other outside activities where there is social interaction where you and the wife can participate. A woman that you meet who knows that your wife is really behind this, and that you are not cheating on her, will be more open to the possibilities. Good Luck!!!

S

[GoNatural]

Originally Posted by a. synonymy

The biggest question you guys have mentioned is: Why does she feel that way?


I think a lot of it stems from her development growing up - when she was in her early teens. She read a book or two about men who had a very dominating relationships and they had a wife and a mistress on the side. She admits to me that it could be the root of her feelings, but doesn't know for certain.

That sounds like a very logical source for the feelings. I'm sure that it is even more complex than that, but that explains it in the broad sense.

I feel this way bacuase I have some "cuckold" desires, though only the basic kind of way, as I have no interest in humiliation. I would love to spend my life in a loving relationship to a woman that had desires for other men. It would be an even more powrful stimulant for me if shared some emotional attatchment with them. Nevertheless, I desire to always be her "primary partner", and spend my life with her.

As for meeting women into poly. First, I'd go out to bars and clubs with your wife, if she's up for it (and if you two like that scene). Just mingle and somehow mention that you are in an open relationship at the appropriate time. Timing will be important in this scenario, otherwise it will seem that you are only focused on sex. Get onto other topics first.

I like the poly personals site PolyMatchMaker, or PMM for short. Get involved in the forums there. Some states have few single women, but you will run into some opportunities on that site.

I'd also check meetup dot com for poly groups near your area.

Socialize with open-minded people, and not just at the typical singles areas, because many of those woman are looking for traditional relationships. Go to renasance festifals and such. Go to happenings that draw alternative type people. Now, if you basically just a mainstream person, this may not be your best option concerning compatibility.

Now, I'd also enjoy the opportunity to have a secondary or tertiary lover, or just swing, but it is not as powerful of a fantasy for me. I'm the voyeur type, even if I'm not even there watching them each time. Just being able to watch them some of the time would blow me away!

Oh, my research about love and relationships to find that much of the theories behind polyamory are solid and biological. The polyprimary type relationship likely being the most natural, except that primitive humans were not honest and open about their secondaries.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by GoNatural

Oh, my research about love and relationships to find that much of the theories behind polyamory are solid and biological. The polyprimary type relationship likely being the most natural, except that primitive humans were not honest and open about their secondaries.

I don't know if that is so much the case, I think it's today's society that is dishonest about their secondaries, such as cheaters, and especially those that carry-on a long-term intimate relationship with someone else besides their primary partner. This is truly a "multiple love" situation, but without the openness and honesty of a true poly relationship, But, in every other sense it is a poly-like relationship, just without the "knowledge and consent of everyone involved" part.

I think primitive humans didn't see ownership of each other like we do today. Having such beliefs would not have been in the best interest of the survival of our species. Women in the tribe mated with many men to increase the chance of pregnancy and also the chances of a child reaching the age where they could produce offspring. You still see this in many "primitive" tribes today where a passage to womanhood is performed by a high-ranking elder of the tribe and then she is allowed to marry. And she may still mate with other men during her life, but raise her family in a mother/father/children household (huthold?). This type of intimate bonding also strengthens the unity of the tribe and the likelihood that one will protect the other against harm because they have an emotional interest in them.

Modern society and big cities have washed away this feeling of interconnectedness. There are some that are trying to revive it through poly relationships and communal situations. Events like Burning Man promote love of your brothers and sisters and living as a tribe for a weeks where no commerce past trading goods is allowed. I know that for us, we have had our "tribe" of friends that for awhile we were very close with. But, as life goes on and some accept jobs far away, couples change partners and life gets in the way of living, the tribe as it was evolves or wanes for awhile. But the love and concern for everyone hasn't. It's just changed.

[babeandhon]

Hello there,
Just wondering what is up with your relationship? Have you found a "girlfriend"? Is your wife still interested in this sort of thing? We have had our ups and downs but as long as we are honest with each other we can work it out. I don't know why people say the woman can find someone easily, I haven't had an easy time of it. Not that I have looked that hard.....but I am open. Just wondering how things were going with you guys.

[jama42guns]

I think as long as you are sure you and your wife are in full understanding you should just start slowly... some soft swinging. And I would still try to keep her involved, because believe me there is nothing more exciting than seeing your wife deep in a HUGE orgasm with her legs wrapped around another man. But respect her and keep it at her pace.

[robnsusan60]

I know exactly where this lady's coming from and, after reading her posts, I'm a believer in her given reason. The proof in the pudding was her comment about the incredible sex they'd have after he'd been with his g/f. I just think that kind of comment comes more from true feelings rather than conjuring.

But there is one teensy little difference in my case, I didn't have a g/f, she had a b/f, almost every other aspect matched and our's went on for years with not one negative result, now that's where the 'incredible sex' part comes in.

I do think the 'skepticism' thing was a natural reaction. I hesitate to categorize people or paint everyone with a wide brush, but this is not something that one usually see's in the wife half of a couple. I see absolutely nothing wrong with their situation, it's actually kind of a smiley thing for me.

[couplers]

The only thing I have to add (as the wife in a somewhat similar situation) is for you to help him recruit a girlfriend. As the girltalk, even among vanilla women, eventually turns to sex, I talk up hubby. What a good lover he is. This approach has been a slow go, but exciting. Hubby and I also use it to fantasize about friends, acquaintances, co-workers, college students, waitresses. Thus far, we are on our third and longest term girlfiend for David. The first two lasted just short of a year (it was a rebound after a divorce) and 18 months, but both eventually wanted more than being the other woman and moved on. His current gf is a busy, ambitious woman and this situation fits her well. I am not bi, and none of these women are, but I wanted to watch and the current one is the first that lets me. I am still friends with all of them.

[cront]

Originally Posted by rpu3

...............................The first thing I think is why is it automatically assumed that the woman is not telling the truth? Man, that's annoying to think every woman is supposed to be assumed to be playing a word game. Yes, far too many women play this stupid little game of "let me say it, but I hope you get that I really mean the opposite." I get angry with myself if I try (very rarely) to pull this one people in my life - instead I'm just pretty blunt about things. People are not mind readers. If you can't rely on what people say, then what's the point? Say what you mean and mean what you say and end the ridiculous game playing.

I am in an open marriage and if I've told my spouse I am fine with his choices, he is assured it's the truth. I certainly have told him when I'm not fine with his choices. I also don't expect him to read my mind, and I don't insult him by sending coded messages that don't say what needs to be said. I don't expect him to figure out what I'm really saying.
.

Then you are one of those exceptional woman a man always will want to have. But women like you are rare , trust me, I respect and will really like to have friends like you but women like you are rare. I have met only one such woman in college and she became my best friend for life. Now to give you a little surprise, I proposed her friend but she refused because I did not have a bike and much money to take her to McDonalds, so she refused the offer and that is the story of my 1st love but then I never talked to her again and she was crying when after 3 years, at the end of our graduation, I did not even meet her. I am very happy from that day and in the end women like you are rare , sorry I could not resist