Poly Question

[TheDeal]

How many out there in a poly-relationship have the V thing or a variation where two or more are involved with one, but not each other?

In those situations, is it a rule that you cannot get involved with the other person, or is there just no attraction or neither is Bi? I guess this really pertains to the FMF Triad. I guess it's just difficult to think if I lived with two primaries (wives) that I would not want to go to bed with both at night, and I'm not just talking sex.

[SnozzberryBlu]

I guess your first question doesn't apply here as both my guys are not into guys lol...

As for sleeping... It was hard for me personally because the other couple to us wanted to maintain sleeping together at night. We occasionally have "swap naps" lol when things just happen to work out that way. But it's probably best as we all have different schedules that do affect bedtimes.

[The Fuse]

I'm in a quad and very involved with both halves. Mr. Fuse and the other husband are both straight. I suppose your question doesn't really apply to me, but I'll answer anyway . I've been in threesomes (just talking sex here) where I wasn't involved with the other woman. It is SO much better when everyone is attracted to everyone else, that I would barely consider going back and having a threesome where I wasn't attracted to the other woman.

[avid]

We're in a Vee, and my guys are straight too. I take turns sleeping with one or the other, but when we stay at a hotel with a king sized bed, we all sleep together.

When we get our new 5th wheel, we're getting the bedroom redesigned to fit a king sized bed, so we'll sleep together when we're on vacation too.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by avid

We're in a Vee,

What's a Vee?

[BiloxiCouple]

Poly A person with multiple serious relationship partners at the same time.They can be straight, gay or bisexual.

Vee A polyamorous relationship where one person,'the hinge', maintains a relationship with two others who are not involved with each other. The language of multiple love

Triangle A relationship between three people where each is involved with the others.

Compersion The feeling of getting pleasure from a partner's other relationships. Polys argue that this is the opposite of jealousy.

Primary Where a poly has one central relationship, perhaps with a spouse, while maintaining links to other people who are 'secondary' relationships.

Now we have to update our dictionary.

[WesternSwing]

We've never had the V-thing because I'm not bi, and therefore I have no interest in playing with her boyfriends.

Now I've never had a serious relationship with another woman outside my marriage (like Mrs. WS has with men), but I've had several "girlfriends" which have been sex only, and with three of them Mrs. WS has never joined us because, although bi, she was not interested in two of them sexually, and one she has a history with dating back to high school and to her that is just tough to blend sex into it now.

[avid]

I think there's a misunderstanding, WS. My guys would appreciate clarity on this point, I think. A Vee is where there are two SEPARATE relationships. In my case, I have a private relationship with EACH of my guys - they aren't involved with each other.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[TheDeal]

I suppose I need to clarify as well. I was not trying to point out any specific type of poly arrangement, only those where each person may have two or more relationships and the drivers for keeping them separate. It's certainly not any kind of condemnation. Really, I'm the type that would rather throw everyone in together or make everyone use the same road instead of having one road going north, one going south, etc.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

We've never had the V-thing because I'm not bi, and therefore I have no interest in playing with her boyfriends.

A Usenet group, alt.polyamory, has an online FAQ that would define your statement as a triad or a triangle, not a V.

"Triads - three people involved in some way. Often used in a fairly committed sense, in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment, but also used simply to mean "three people who are connected".

Triangle (or equilateral triangle) - relationship where three people are each involved with both of the others. Sometimes also called a triad.

Vee - Three people, where the structure puts one person at the bottom, or "hinge" of the vee, also called the pivot point. In a vee, the arm partners are not as commonly close to each other as each is to the pivot."

I liked Avid's description for a Vee far better.

I suppose I need to clarify as well. I was not trying to point out any specific type of poly arrangement...

Your question had extra side benefits of leading to other questions, it appears. Or there aren't many FMF triads on the Board to offer an opinion to your original thought?

[WesternSwing]

Okay, I can see what you mean by "V" now. Thanks for the definitions rpu3. For us, we have to know who the third is and we both maintain a relationship with them outside the bedroom. For instance, take Mrs. WS's current boyfriend. She's been seeing him for two months now. We all go to dinner together, we've caught a concert together, but until a week ago we'd never had a threesome, Mrs. WS always has seen him alone in a sexual manner.

So a "V" in the sexual sense, but not in the social or relationship sense.

This is simply because we like to know who each other is playing with, who they are, what their intentions may be, etc. If either of us gets a creepy feeling about the third than it is a no-go for launch. I have to approve of and be comfortable with Mrs. WS's friends and visa-versa. I know men and she knows women. Therefore we pick-up on stuff that each other might not.

I can see though, how some could carry on this type of relationship where both of the partners knew of each other, but did not know each other personally. Sometimes it might make the situation easier. We've been contacted by numerous single men that simply don't want to meet me for some reason or another (another thread subject, eh?), and Mrs. WS would probably have an easier time of finding another partner outside of swinging if we did things that way.