Wow... and Wow!

[WesternSwing]

Welcome back Snozz! You know, this forum was created just for you. Okay, well maybe not, but I'm glad you're back.

Mr. WS

[gatorvol64]

We weren't here when you were before either. However, we are a part of a quad of two couples. And boy can I relate to the "ambushed" analogy. I found my first help with polyamory on this board. It's nice to see someone else here to share with. We've been together for 11 months now. Mind if I ask how long its been for you?

Vol

[The Fuse]

Greetings SnozzberryBlu,

My husband and I also found polyamory with another couple without having looked for it. I'd be curious to find out how it happened to you, if you'd like to share your story. Also, like you, I hung around on this board a lot before it happened, and then drifted away a bit afterwards... there are a lot of ambivalent feelings toward polyamory on the part of some (not all) people who swing. My husband and I still swing outside of our quad, as do our SO's, just not much at the moment.

I still very much enjoy reading SB and sometimes post. We feel a little bit of separation mentally now between us and most swingers, like we're different somehow, but we still love to swing when we meet people who excite us.

[SnozzberryBlu]

Well lemme see if I can answer the different questions all in one post (or at least try lol!)

We were in the lifestyle briefly in 92-93, and left due to it being hard to connect with people at the time (no internet.. remember when? LOL) We got back into it in late 2004. We joined a local club, put our profile on SLS and we were having a ton of fun. We hadn't been with a lot of people, but the lifestyle in general and the atmosphere at the club were very liberating. We really enjoyed things.

In January of 05, we met another couple who started wanting us to be exclusive with them. We liked them well enough, but not that well. We had heard about "those poly people" and were really kind of freaked out by this couple. We backed out of that pretty quick, and swore (haha) to be more vigilant as to who we hung out with.

SIX WEEKS LATER... lol.. no joke... we realized that another couple we had been playing with were just the greatest friends. They had been in the lifestyle for several years, so of course we felt pretty safe with the friendship aspect. That's all we thought it was, really - friendship. They worked at the club we went to, but lived 90 minutes away. So, on weekends we would invite them to stay over so they didn't have to drive back so late at night. Then it kind of got to where we were missing them, and them us; not wanting them to leave... they not wanting to leave... and it just sort of stuck that way. Before we knew it, they were moving in to our recently-enclosed garage and making arrangements to sell their house.

It just sort of happened that as Mr Snozz was developing feelings for her, I was for her and her husband. It just worked. I can say it has had some pretty big highs and lows.... Six months after moving in we faced Hurricane Katrina together, and the loss of a home business we all started together (due also to the storm), and then peri-menopause hit for her and for me (ouch!). So before we were a year old, we had three major life stressors occur. But we have managed the bad times pretty ok, especially considering there really IS no directions out there for this lol!

The hardest part, I do have to admit, has been having two women in one house on equal standing... that still takes work on her part and on mine. But, the most surprising thing has been the insight that having another married couple living with you can give to your own marriage -- as well as you to theirs. We have learned a lot about our own selves, things we might never have learned, had we not had two other mature adults being around us when we are most ourselves (ie in pajamas, with dishes in the sink lol). A lot of exploring and feedback is given all the way around.

We are not interested in expanding like I guess "pure" polyamory families do.. and if we broke up, I am not sure this would ever happen to us again either (all though I guess at this point I really cannot ever say "never" about anything anymore lol). Our immediate friends and some trusted family members are aware of the situation, with blessings (some had a few reservations though). And, while we tried to hide it, our kids do know. Thankfully they are older teens. We shared with them that this is not so uncommon outside the US, and just a different way of having a family. They kind of like a double mom and dad (and double the presents yesterday never hurts anything! LOL)


We do play seperately... we at first did not want to. But there are times when Mr Snozz and I want to hang back, and they don't, or vice versa. And then there are times when we are attracted to different people, or vice versa. So while we prefer to play all together, we will play as two couples.

That's all I can think to write. Feel free to ask anything though.. I will try to answer

PS... the last I looked, online poly groups are out there, but sorely lacking in networking/"customer service" skills lol

[TheDeal]

Snooz, are you saying ya'll so still swing outside the poly quad? Our swinging situation developed into a more poly thing outa the whole "ick-factor" involved with swinging. I am not knocking anyone's ability to be open and promiscuous at all, just our twisted way of thinking. So, we originally started out, just looking for a cool couple or two for exclusive play. The idea being more poly-fidelity for safety and such. Who woulda thought we would get found out by some long time close friends, and then find we all wanted to play. That ended up turning into real polyamory. It's wonderful and sometimes tragic. Ya gotta love it.

[SnozzberryBlu]

Yes we do play as a foursome with others or as seperate couples. No one goes it alone though. For us, the main detractor to swinging is what is happening right at this moment. We have a date for tonight with two people we think are great but they haven't contacted us since last night so the final plans (exactly what time, where to meet outside a large casino) aren't made yet... it's the "left hanging" thing that ticks me off lol...

We did originally want just a few couples to play with on a regular basis... but finding those outside our foursome has been a little harder. First, you have to get them to meet you lol.. then see if it "works", then see if later they're not crazy, yadayada... a lot of hit and miss just to find 4-6 other people! LOL

Wonderful & tragic... couldn't have said it better lol

[WesternSwing]

Wonderful and tragic is exactly it. In polyamory it's taking the good of the person with the bad. Swinging is seeing only the good, then they go home with their partner back to real life. It's like constant first date behavior. With polyamory you get all the little things, sometimes big things, that go along with that person, their foibles, their idiosyncrasies, their emotional issues. Everything you have to deal with with your spouse, you are now dealing with with the other person too. Polyamory is when sexual fantasy turns into real life, just like in any long term relationship. And like any long term relationship it takes work to make it work.