Need some direction

We have some close (long time) friends that have turned into more. We all care deeply for one another and we are verging on a true polyamory relationship. All of us have our own insecurities and this thing sorta just came out of no-where, but we all have incredible chemistry and respect, not to mention long history. We have joked about joined living, we see them every weekend and sometimes during the week (all vanilla family stuff). We can't seem to get enough of each other.

There is one issue that is over all and that is what is this that we are all engaged in? Where will the line be drawn between couples? No one has brought up this conversation and I am not sure all even understand this is not unheard of. Also, the dynamic of the group forces both couples and each individual to deal with any emotional insecurity or fears we all may have. Getting the communication going on that level I think is impeded by not having a clear definition. What this is has become is the unknown 800 lb gorialla. I guess we are at a cross road, where everyone is approaching the point of major emotional revilement and investment.

The question is, will everyone need a commitment before we all open up completely and each divulge our deepest fears to the others? OR, does everyone need to have revealed and resolved these fears prior to any kind of commitment?

[ncmd_couple]

Unregistered,

From what you have said so far, it sounds like all of you have been thinking about this already, or you wouldn’t be joking about it. But as you have said, you don’t have a name for your situation. There probably isn’t one that will fit your situation completely, but that is ok, labels are for soup.

You have said that you have a long history. If that history is sexual in nature, then you probably already have a foundation for discussion. Sometimes it is easier to start discussion on something like this in an e-mail to the other three. Links to poly information which you can find here on this site, and to this site as well. It may seem impersonal, but it will allow you to take your time in putting down what you want to say. It also gives them time to digest what you are suggesting before all four of you discuss it face to face.

Good luck!

[WesternSwing]

You know, there are no rules written about this, it's individual to each couple and to even each person in the relationship. The trick will be finding where that comfort zone is agreeable to everyone involved. Some may be more comfortable with crossing the line in "who" is a couple while others may want to keep more of their own original couple identity. This is something that will naturally evolve in your relationship, so I wouldn't worry too much about having it all worked-out before you go further. Bring it up if you need to, but don't dwell on it. There isn't any immediate answer to this question and what that answer is today may not be what it is tomorrow.

Vague answer, huh? But your relationship will evolve by itself. Just keep the lines of communication open so that anyone can talk anytime about anything that might be bothering them.

Mr. WS