Poly or Swinging?

[StacyCat]

I dont know why this is bugging me so much! This is coming from a single female perspective.

I dont really fit into either swinging or poly, I think.

Swingers tend to be too much about just the sex and physical part of things, and I dont get any emotional needs met. On the other hand, I like to get sexual far faster than most of the poly people that I know.

I would feel much happier with one or two primary partners, but with the understanding that we could have sex with almost anyone else we wanted, and that does not seem to fit within "poly" either.

Am I a freak? Or do other people feel like this? Within or outside of a relationship?

[catslaughing]

I am attracted to your palindromic nature :-) Our female half is a Stacycats!

We have done the swinger thing, we have done the third person female thing, and in the end result, we think we may be happier as a triple than a double or quad. Swinging let us realize that we were both poly and to such an extent that swinging is not as healthy for us, since we as a couple tend to have a problem keeping emotion and sex on completely different levels. Swingers have to be able to keep those toys apart better than we do, and I agree that poly people tend to go overboard, I think that is the nature of it though. It is so hard to find a third person that two others can click with (and at the same time), that when people do find that they have a hard time not bringing a U-Haul to the second date.

Finding people who can feel emotion and share is rather rare, and may be the hardest to discover combo. Would we be able to really dig someone and be comfortable with them having others? We might, but most are not that honest with themselves.

Hmm really that is meandering without answering but in the end result, you are not a freak, unless everyone who posts here is :-) I prefer to think people who live to norm X their entire life without question or challenge are the real freaks.

Catslaughing

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by catslaughing

I prefer to think people who live to norm X their entire life without question or challenge are the real freaks.

Catslaughing

Well then. Freaks we are NOT -- LOL

StacyCat, the way you describe how you'd like to live your life is how I feel being part of a couple. If I were a single, it would be hard for me to swing, I think, because I too would want some sort of emotional connection. I have that emotional connection with Mr. Fun, so having sex with others fulfills the desire to experience new sexual pleasures without having to worry about the emotional stuff.

WITH THAT SAID, we much prefer to have a "relationship" with those we play with -- friends with benefits type thing. This isn't love, but it is "like" and respect for the ones we play with. However, we have found it very hard to find these types of couples (or singles, for that matter) because we don't live the "lifestyle," and normal life trumps play time.

So, I wonder if you were in a couple relationship, and swinging as a couple, if you would feel the same feelings as you do today. I think I'd feel the same way you do if I were swinging solo.

Interesting topic!

[dayhiker]

Hi StacyCat,
That's great that you have come to the place you can verbalize what you have learned about yourself. I think its taken me quite a while to learn that and I'm not sure I still have it figured out.
As a single guy, I'd say I don't want to meet a girl just for sex but would love a whole day together with some intmacy. I'm not ready to settle down with one woman either. I did that, enjoyed if very much. But want to find something between swinging and poly just like you desire.
I have talked with a few people that have that. So i can be found. Clearly finding it means we have to tell people what we are looking for and probably get rejected quite a few times. That makes it hard to keep looking.

let us know how it goes,
dayhiker

[clutch]

Hi StacyCat

Years ago, we were into everything and everyone. We had special couples that were sort of poly-istic--ie more than just sex, but we liked the variety too.

Now we're exclusive with one other couple. We're all very fond of each other, really enjoy the sex with each other, but none of us want to live together or spend the night away from our own spouse. (We live in different towns).

I've come to the conclusion that Thomas Jefferson had a reason for not going into too much detail on what he meant by "pursuit of happiness." Mainly because so many derive it so many different ways. Bottom line to that, you're not weird in any way shape or form.

If someone implies your weird, they're probably a little fearful or immature.

and...

by putting what you think you'd like to try out here, you've already taken the first step towards attaining what you're after.

Best of luck... I do believe the perfect people for your situation are out there and probably closer than you think.

Love and cheers....

[KenRachel]

Hi StacyCat,

I understand where you are coming from. And no you're not a freak (or else I am too)

Ken and I are in a deep poly relationship with a woman (mostly a Vee).

On the other hand sometimes I want something a little different. Nothing wrong with that. Ken accepts it, so sometimes I just go play. We've got rules about proper precautions, but other than that I can play with anyone that Ken hasn't explicitly vetoed.

So, I don't think what you want is weird at all.

Rachel

[cubnamy1995]

We can really relate too. While we occasionally like sex just for sex's sake, we really love to develop deep, intimate friendships. I don't know if it is poly or not, but that feeling of intimacy is hard to beat.

[gatorvol64]

We understand. Our favorite partners are a couple we are best friends with and a single man that we are friends with. We do many other things with them besides play. We would be friends with these people without the play but, it certainly adds something.

Vol

[yourbitterpill]

You're not weird.

We enjoy having some sort of social relationship with other couples, not purely sexual or purely romantic. We're not looking for a one-night stand but we're also not looking for another intensely romantic relationship.

The problem for us though, seems to be finding people who can understand this. Most swingers just want to f**k and run, while most polys want some complicated thing. It's difficult. But, there are lots of people out there, so the chances you'll meet someone who feels the same way are good, just give it time.

[Twolovers01]

POLY!!!!!!!! I vote POLY!!!! lol....oh it's not a vote...hehehe We have a great couple that we have become poly with and it's more than we ever expected!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We always wanted to find a couple or two couples for oral sex and be semi commited to them only. We have never wanted to be bed hoppers. This is worked out for us better than we could have ever hoped for though.

[Tia Vampire]

I say swing. I wouldn't want to be in a poly relationship because it took me 33 years to find mr. right. I couldn't imagine trying to learn to trust, commit, and love two more people. For those that are in poly relationships, bless yalls little hearts, but i do not think it would be something that we would want to be part of.

[catalina8591]

Recently I have seen poly as swinging with drama...... Dont get me wrong ..... poly is a fine thing when it works.... but I watched friends of ours get badly beaten emotionally by the primary in a vee....