Just how possible?

[AlmostHuman]

I'm wondering just how posible it is for folks to not set out to be in a poly type relationship,but for them to just kinda fall into it due to the fall of various circumstance?
My ex perience in swinging tells me it's hard enough to get folks of like mind to run amuck with,let alone this sorta thing that's waaayyy more complex than I could fathom at this time.

[intensity_too]

All I can say is we fell into it . . .

[avid]

We fell into it too!

We still swing, but now we do so as a triad. We've been really fortunate (and have worked at it) to become accepted in our little community. We were even invited to two house parties as a triad.

We went to one last weekend, with the other coming up in a couple of weeks. It was fun, although my partner had to overcome the perception of being the "single male". It frustrated us, but it's a relatively new concept, so we'll be patient.

[sereneiders]

I guess this has to do with how strongly you believe love is separated from sex.

Most swingers I know of makes this distinction. I believe they just shift ahead the boundaries for jealously: if for the vanilla guy mere sex would mean infidelity, for most swingers sex wouldn0t, but "feelings" still would.

As for us, we understand this distinction and we're up to accept it, even when for us it doesn't make much of a sense. If we know the couple we're playing with makes this distinction, we follow their lead avoiding affective demostrations able to bring them problems.

However, we don't feel threatened by the feelings any one of us may have for someone's else, for as long as the feelings and attitudes toward each other remains intact (as happens and as we KNOW it will keep happening).

Does this mean we'd fall in love with every playmate? At all, because we're NOT looking for emotional afairs, we're there for the sex, and even when open to "something else", that something else should develop by itself. You'd have to "click" with them (which hardly happens) and they have to correspond your affectionate attitudes (which hardly happens, as well) in order to develop feelings. Yet, those feelings have degrees of intensity: you may "label" them as friendship, and you'd remain at that stage for long before everyone involved would dare to admit it moved to the next stage where the word "love" could be pronounced. Even more, it may happen that you label them in a different way your playmate does, and as long as you stick to the "minimal shared label" (i.e. call it friendship even when you feel love), while what you actually valuate are the acts and attitudes honoring those feelings disregarding the labels, it'd be ok.

I believe that because of practical issues, most of the ones who are "poly friendly" are forced to not set up poly relationships, and it is ok.

The question would be... what are you up to? and what do you WANT?

[Menage_a_Trois]

We just fell into it. It was not something that any of us were looking for but it just happened. The Other Mrs. Ménage had not even thought about or considered such a relationship, but after we all met and became close friends, it was inevitable. While meeting because of swinging we are still active in it today but now as a triad.

The only challenge we have faced with this relationship has been swinging as a triad. It amazes us how many people involved in swinging cannot or will not understand our relationship and have an even harder time accepting it. What is truly surprising is how closed-minded many people involved with swinging really are when it comes to anything outside their comfort zone. What is hard for us to understand is why so many people have such difficulty with our relationship. We are not trying to convert or recruit others into polyamory. We are looking for the same things everyone else involved with swinging are looking for; people outside our relationship to have recreational sexual encounters with and nothing more.

The Ménage's

[sexychoclit]

I think it is possible, as long as all parties are honest with each other. Some people are looking for a "poly" relationship and others just fall into it.

The issue that I had with being with a couple is that the husband wasn't honest with me regarding what he was doing in the lifestyle. His wife knew that he was still playing with other women, but I would normally find out months after it had occurred. He had sent me information regarding being in a "poly" relationship and I was staying true to it by not getting involved with other couples or dating. It really hurt my feelings once I found out that he wasn't being true to that and that he was not being honest with me about the situation. Now I know to never put all my eggs in one basket. The relationship was great, however things slowly but surely started to change after that.

[Twolovers01]

We FELL INTO IT! we started out looking for friends that we could swing with. We didn't want to jump from bed to bed. So we looked for a couple that we were both attracted to, and got along with. We just happen to get really lucky and find a great couple that has very similar intrests and kids near the same age as ours. Which only makes things easier.

There is no way to know if you might just stumble into that special someone, wether it be a sinlge or a couple. It takes patience and time.

Good luck in finding whatever your looking for!!!