Vacations in a poly relationship......

[Menage_a_Trois]

I had a fellow poster email us the other day asking the following. After emailing with him with our reply I asked if I could post his question for all to chime in so here goes........

"My question is, how do you guys do vacations? My wife enjoys doing things with both of us at the same time. but he is not at all interested in 3 somes and he does enjoy private time with her and she with him, and with me as well. It seems that we all enjoy doing things together, I quite enjoy going out with them both, and I am very much into the 3 of us getting physical together, but again, respect the choices and speed of them lol.

We have talked about going on vaca, and I sometimes feel that she says all 3 of us so I don't feel left out, because I know she would like to vaca with him alone at some point. She would love to be married to us both, like you guys, but since she cant' I think sometimes she would like a divorce so we can all be together more comfortably or equally. All things I talk to her about, but sometimes I think she goes my way to spare me hurt feelings. Nice in a way, shows she really does care for me. I am very interested in the truth though, and we are looking at vacationing soon, to New Orleans, and I wondered if I should volunteer to let them go alone, or just be still and go with them.

What do you guys do?"

Please chime in with your advice and examples............Thanks

The Menage's

[Twolovers01]

Do what feels right for you. If you feel like (for lack of better term sorry ) the third wheel on the pending vacation then you should stay home. You could do something nice for them while they are gone, or just pamper yourself, or just enjoy yourself alone.

We haven't taken any real vacations with our OSO's, but we spend almost every weekend toghether with all of our kids. We have been out to do alot of things toghether as an extended family.

We would go on vacation together more if it wasn't so hard to make room for the NINE of us to go places.

[avid]

How about camping?

My husband and I have two kids living at home, and my partner has two kids.

One way we can all vacation together is to go camping. We have a travel trailer that sleeps six, plus we throw a tent up for the teenage boy.

It's great fun, and really relaxing. We're leaving Thursday for a 4 day trip, and we're all really excited about it.

[SouthBond]

This is totally beyond our comfort zone. All of our swinging/swapping has nothing to do with anyone under age. Our adventures are about having fun and sex. Your situation seems more like raising a family. We have one good friend that is a Mormon and follows the old idea of having multiple wives and children. He, the spouses, and the children function much like a "regular" one husband and one wife family. They concentrate on the success of the family unit. Having a quality home life, careers, stability, and a great deal of love. They seem to be just as "normal" as anyone in the community. If you are going to maintain a multi-partner family unit, do it right. Function as a family. Act like a family. Build strong and productive kids and relationships. Just be ready to catch hell from the vanilla world. If your kids turn out to be law abiding and productive members of our society, we will know that you were successful. If they turn out to be criminals, drug addicts, or mentally unstable, possibly, you did a poor job.

[avid]

Southbond, please note that I am responding in the "Polyamory" forum.

My husband, partner and I live, with our children, in a blended family.

Good god, man, do you really think I have group sex (or any sex!!!) with my children around?

We were discussing vacations. As such, I proposed camping as an option.

[sarcasm]
As for how we will determine the "success" of our relationships, you're right, if our kids are screwed up, it will be because we were polyamorous, I'm sure. Because, as we all know, kids from 2 parent families are perfect.
[/sarcasm]

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

This is totally beyond our comfort zone. All of our swinging/swapping has nothing to do with anyone under age. Our adventures are about having fun and sex. Your situation seems more like raising a family. We have one good friend that is a Mormon and follows the old idea of having multiple wives and children. He, the spouses, and the children function much like a "regular" one husband and one wife family. They concentrate on the success of the family unit. Having a quality home life, careers, stability, and a great deal of love. They seem to be just as "normal" as anyone in the community. If you are going to maintain a multi-partner family unit, do it right. Function as a family. Act like a family. Build strong and productive kids and relationships. Just be ready to catch hell from the vanilla world. If your kids turn out to be law abiding and productive members of our society, we will know that you were successful. If they turn out to be criminals, drug addicts, or mentally unstable, possibly, you did a poor job.

This is in fact the poly forum and even if it wasn't I am curious as to why you would feel justified in your tone with your post. It's true that parents should be ultimately responsible for raising a happy, healthy well adjusted child(ren) but realize please that there are also other facts in play when raising a family.......and that would be the outside influences of life in general and dealing with people who are rude, full of sarcasm, narrowminded and generally negative people have a much larger impact on our children as well. Heaven forbid they be schooled by people with this degree of sarcasm on a daily basis................

You aren't a school teacher are you?

We appreciate that what others offer as suggestions for themselves may not be within your comfort zone but please do not bash what works for others. As for having the children on the trip, nobody mention a sexual orgy, you made that assumption on your own......we are strickly talking a vacation here.......not everything in life is about sex.........

Avid, It sounds like a wonderful time - wish we were going to be there too! A little R&R in the sun is just what the doctor ordered........have fun.

The Other Mrs. Menage

[Twolovers01]

HOLY CRAP.....wow, that was from out in left field!!! We camp/vacation with our SO's frequently... We will be camping most of the week of the 4th. Hope you guys have a great time camping.

Oh by the way, we have 3 kids and our SO's have 2 kids....somehow after a year of being poly, our children are still well adjusted children....hmmm Crazy huh!?!?!

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by Twolovers01

Oh by the way, we have 3 kids and our SO's have 2 kids....somehow after a year of being poly, our children are still well adjusted children....hmmm Crazy huh!?!?!

WOW - go figure..............well adjusted kids and your swingers with a poly relationship..............lol

Would that be considered multitasking Twolovers01?

The Menage's

[Twolovers01]

I believe that would be multi tasking! Thank you for noticing!!!

[Kilauea]

This is a very interesting subject. For me, I don't think I'd get involved with someone that I wouldn't want to be around if I went on vacation so it wouldn't be a big deal. It would be a lot more fun with 3 rather than 2!

But to your specific situation. I would think that if you can offer to not go and gauge how they respond you'd be able to figure out what the truth is. I'm a very blunt person, usually, and I'd probably just try to not beat around the bush and just say what it is I'm worried about to them directly. "I'm worried you are just being nice to me but you really want time alone with him. If thats the case then it is ok with me if you guys go alone and have a good time." That is, of course, if it IS ok with you.

Also, it would seem that SouthBond stumbled into the Polyamory forum on accident and promptly made a fool of himself. Try to be a little more perceptive and considerate.

[Pioneer Swinger]

My wife (Angie) and I have been married for almost 24 years. And, we first made love together almost 30 years ago. (In college…) However, about a week after that first time, Angie had intercourse with a classmate of mine. They became an “exclusive” couple until after Easter break. Al and Angie traveled to Daytona Beach and shared a room for the week. During the trip, Angie realized that she loved both Al and I. After they returned, Angie and I got back together, with her stipulating that she and Al would continue having a relationship, provided that Al would accept that Angie also loved me. The good thing was that we’d all been friends before sex was introduced into the relationship. And, we’d remained friends during the time that Angie and Al were sexually exclusive. (Except for swinging… which Angie later introduced me to! But, that’s another story!) In fact, Al and Angie still get together several rimes a year for weeks at a time. What we do is simply not take Angie to the same place that the other does! Angie is known as my wife in the places where we always vacation. And, she’s known as Al’s wife in the places where they vacation together. It’s been a bit trickier for them to travel at times (especially since 9/11) as they often go to the Caribbean as they quickly found that while some places were accepting of their relationship back then, others either weren’t or where openly hostile. I hope this helps… Rick

[Pioneer Swinger]

Al and I always get away at that time for anywhere from a long weekend to three weeks. We’ve done things like go to the Poconos for a “second honeymoon” (We weren’t welcome back then as I am white and Al is black.), to go on a cruise or go to one or more of the Caribbean islands. Sometimes, we’ve gone camping into the Appalachian back country and gone nude for days and weeks, having “natural” sex several times a day!

In preparing for our vacations, one thing I always do is go off the Pill when my cycle before the anniversary ends. I do this because Al and I did not use birth control when we started having sex. I also bring the bras and panties that I only wear when I’m with Al. Rick has never seen me in the black bras and panties that Al loves almost as much as the red bras and blue panties, which he also loves. (He says that I’m his “All-American Girl” when I dress that way!) I also wear the most revealing clothing and swimwear that my almost 48-year-old figure allows. Once, I was almost five months pregnant with Rick’s and my third child. Al and I still went on our vacation. Yes, I brought the T-shirts reading “BABY” with an arrow pointing at my expanding tummy and the traffic sign reading “BABY ON BOARD”. Of course everyone thought I was pregnant by Al. And, we did nothing to have the bigots think otherwise.

In terms of sexual activity, Al and I always make out for at least an hour before we make love for the first time whenever we’re together. I then ask him to enter me. We then go on to re-enact the first time we made love together. After that, almost anything goes! One difference now is that whenever we make love, I always let Al cum somewhere other than my vagina before penetrating me. This is to reduce the possibility of him impregnating me by reducing his sperm count for his later ejaculations. We also indulge in anal intercourse (Which Al introduced me to shortly after we became sexually active. And, I only have with Al… except on very special occasions with my husband.) and Al also does things like shave my pubes, put removable tattoos on my breasts, butt, and mons, paint my breasts with body paint (Once I came back to Rick with daisies painted on my breasts with my nipples as the blossoms!), and has also used a permanent marker on my body (Especially my breasts, tummy, mons, and butt.), although on one occasion the marker was too permanent and until well into the new year I had twin black panthers on my breasts and a neatly handwritten “PROPERTY OF AL H------” with his Social Security Number on my left butt cheek. However, there have been anniversaries where he’s left my body externally unmarked.

For Al and I, we especially like to go to Jamaica and “Sandals”. Yes, we stay at the “almost anything goes” part. We stay nude from shortly after arrival until shortly before departure. I come back with an all-over tan and rather sore from all the times Al has taken me!

I hope all may have the poly joys that Rick, Al, and I have shared these years… -Angie (Wife of Rick, Lover of Al)

[tittietwister]

Sounds like a wonderful relationship. Congratulations!

[Chris&Amelia]

Originally Posted by Pioneer Swinger

Al and I always get away at that time for anywhere from a long weekend to three weeks. We’ve done things like go to the Poconos for a “second honeymoon” (We weren’t welcome back then as I am white and Al is black.)

When was this, Pioneer? Living in the Poconos, I can assure you that nowadays nobody would look at you twice for being an interracial couple.

[sereneiders]

Well, perhaps you may work around something in the middle way:

"Folks, I love you, I want to spend vacations togheter as much as I know how great it'd be for you two to spend some time without having me around"

Well, the idea would be to split the vacations in two, giving them some time alone and joining them later on.