Is this going where we think it is???

[cracker0jack]

How do you keep your emotions away or out of the lifestyle?

We have hooked up with a great couple, and after several long weekends together, we have pretty much decided that neither us or them are availible in the market.

After reading some replies to some of our other post, the wife and I have talk about the "Polyamory", and we have agreed that when you spend a lot of time with a couple, it can not be helped that you have feelings for the other couple.

We both get excited thinking about the next meeting, and if we are having a bad day, a simple phone call will completely turn it around. Granted the wife and him are alot alike and so is his wife and I. We (his wife and I) are emotional by nature, we love to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, and just enjoy each others company... plus we can talk about anything and everything. The wife and him, on the other hand are just the opposite of us... The are not much of the emotional type, and are pretty much out to have fun.

The wife already told me that Its not going to be able to be helped, just knowing me and his wife, and even though she hasn't bluntly admitted it, she has tied her emotions in it as well... if fact I pointed out a few things to her that I have seen, and she did agree with me, and that she had not realized it.
We are cool with this, and think that it is great. We both know that we could not possibily jeopardize our realtionship, because there is no way that with the wife and him, and me and his wife, could possibily live together because we are so much alike. But we are using this to fill in for what we might be missing with each other. When i say that, there are somethings that I really enjoy, that the wife might not or that she just hates, but would just to satisfy me, and vice versa. But this away, we can still have our desires filled with out the thought that "she/I is just doing this for me" if that make since.

oh, when we go out to eat, its not the wife sitting next to me, but his wife, and the same way in a vehicle. If he's driving my wife is up front, and vice versa.

There were somethings that happened this past weekend that kinda prove our realtionship with them. I was out at the campfire, watching it snow a little, and just sitting back enjoying a beer and the scenery, realxing with a blanket on a bench. They had walked in to the RV, about 5 min before. When all of a sudden his wife coming running out, to see what was wrong. The wife had said that I had thought about heading back, my wife told me later that she had never seen her move so fast... one reason that I had actaully thought about going a back was... and I understand that she can't help this, because she had a large part of her female organ removed not to terribly long ago, she was moody, not toward me but with him, and that they were had several dissagreements, that I thought that we could be the cause of it, but we weren't it, was her hormones. But she told me with a small tear in her eyes that she didn't want to loose our friendship, or have anything change between the four of us, because of her mood swings. We look back at that noght and the wife and I agree that it really wasn't a problem after all, just a little over reaction on our part. But, in some sence I feel that we found out a lot from that little incident.

SO, yes emotions are flying everywhere.
We have not talked to them about this yet, but I plan on bringing it up, on a four day trip that we have planned with them down on the coast. Or at least talk to his wife about it.

We have such a great friendship, but we are kinda iffy about bringing this up to them. All the signs are there, but how do you deciffer them??? What should we do??? They/we are something that each have been searching for a long time.

Any advice, would be great.... We are fine with this and feel that it has already brought us so much closer to each other. No we are not looking for a Poly realationship, but at the same time, we are not going to try to avoid it, if that is where it is leading. We only hope that it will continue to bring us closer to each other.

CJ and Mrs CJ

[flkeyscouple]

I've read this twice and I'm not sure what you want advise about. Your refer to 'this' - we haven't brought up 'this' yet, ... etc... but I'm not sure what 'this' is.

We have not talked to them about this yet, but I plan on bringing it up, on a four day trip that we have planned with them down on the coast. Or at least talk to his wife about it. We have such a great friendship, but we are kinda iffy about bringing this up to them. All the signs are there, but how do you deciffer them??? What should we do??? They/we are something that each have been searching for a long time.
Any advice, would be great.... We are fine with this and feel that it has already brought us so much closer to each other. No we are not looking for a Poly realationship, but at the same time, we are not going to try to avoid it, if that is where it is leading. We only hope that it will continue to bring us closer to each other.
CJ and Mrs CJ

After going back and reading the full post again, I'm still not sure what you are asking advise on. I DO understand your close and emotional relationship with the other couple. I assume you are already involved with them - swinging - but maybe not??

Anyway... ask your question again - explain what you are looking for. Sorry - I'm sure it's obvious to you, but I'm lost!! :rollseyes

Sarah

[cracker0jack]

Sorry for the confusion, your right, it is plain to us, but when putting them in print... it a whole different ball game...lol
"This" is what I call the Emotional side, or in other terms to some one it can be "poly".
in other words we are thinking about emotions... having them involved in the relationship. yes, we are involved "swing" with the other couple.

How do you seperate your emotions from the relationship? what if it can't be helped? How do you express your feeling/emotions to the other couple. I am pretty sure of what she is feeling/thinking, just by the way she acts with me.
I guess you can say this is more about me than my wife, but she is cool with it...

So how do we talk to the other couple about it?? Without scaring them off? what if we/I have miss read everything. This is a very close friendship and we don't want to do anything that might drive them away from us.

CJ and Mrs

Hey, this is Mrs CJ..
I know that it is hard to put it into context, but I know that I do deny him (Mr CJ) the "Teddy Bear" part of romance. I have never been the romantic type, and he is a very emotional person. I do not have a problem with him being emotional attached with her. I enjoy knowing that he is enjoying his self, even though he would rather it be me, but I'm just not that kinda of person.
I have seen the two of them together, and they are just living it up, and they enjoy every moment that they have together. It is a mutual thing between he two of them. They are some much alike that it is funny. They can sit and talk all night ( not to mention the other things that they do all night ) and you would think that they were a couple, not him and I... LOL , I know where his heart is and all his love, So I have nothing to worry about with them two......
What I am worried about, is her husband... Yes, I have a small emotional attachment, but it is so very different. I really enjoy being with him, he touches me in away that I can't describe and granted I am able to do things that I enjoy when it come to sex (my husband is very well endowed) and I am able to enjoy sex again without any pain, or miscomfort. It really only came to light what the problem was (with me and my husband) when we started swinging. But back to the point... What if them two do get emotional attached, and Her husband has a problem with it... granted they have been in the lifestyle for about 6 years, and was with one couple for over 3 years of that. Now, we are the only couple that they see, and they are the only ones that we see...
I know my husband, and the way that he is, I know that He will not be able to help it. I find that he is very unique in that sense, and If I were the romantic type, I would not have to look beyond him to be swept off my feet (again) with flowers, romantic dinner or a night of passion.
Yes the husband (Mr CJ) and I have talked alot about this... I just want him to be his self and have fun, and Yes I know that with the time that we all have been spending together that His and Her emotions, if not already involved will be. He just has that kind of effect on a women.
But how do we all talk about emotions without the fear of losing them as friends and lovers??? Do we not say anything and just let it play out? Do we say something to them??? We are new at this, and no its not because we are new that we are posting this. We have truely found a long lasting friendship with this couple.... SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO??????
Mrs. CJ

[TNT]

Whoa !!!! You two need to slow down.

After reading over ALL of the posts you have made, my honest opinion is that you are headed for burn out.

The two of you only got started talking about swinging less than two months ago...ummmm, like New Years Eve and now you're talking about emotions and a possible poly relationship.

This is the first (and only) couple you have been with (full swap) and I think you are feeling a high from a new experience and possible infatuation. You also say that the other couple fulfills certain wants/desires that your own spouse does not...Major red flag IMO.

Should you bring up the things ya'll are feeling for the other couple? IMO...NO. I think you need to take a break from them and really examine what it is you want out of swinging. If polyamory is what you are wanting, again, that's something that really, really needs to be discussed and examined before jumping in head first.

I'm not saying that this isn't the "real thing" but, seriously you've only known this couple a very, very short time. When you add the fact that this is a very new experience (swinging/swapping) for the both of you and the time you've known this other couple I really don't think those two things make a good combination to be basing a major decision on.


Teresa

[flkeyscouple]

I agree that you need to slow down. Ignore the emotions for now - stop seeing the other couple for a few weeks - keep talking between the two of you - and when the infatuation portion of the new relationship slows down (after a few weeks of not seeing or talking to them) you should be able to think things through better.

I'm not saying you won't start seeing them again, but after a few weeks of NO seeing and NO talking - see how things feel/look then.

How long did the two of you know each other before living together or getting married?? Remind yourselves that starting a poly relationship isn't much different - it will take time too. Maybe you are a couple that met and married within a month - then maybe you DO know yourselves well enough to understand this new relationship. But that is the exception to the rule.

Slow down.

Good luck.

Sarah

[clutch]

I think Teresa is spot on.

[cracker0jack]

The wifey and I were married 3 months after we met. LOL
I understand where everyone is coming from. We just don't understand "poly".
Our big question is how to you spend time with some, and not have an emotional attachement, after sometime
Granted, we orginally got into this for just "sex", but what we found were 2 great people that we can relate to, and it has turned into so much more. In which I feel is great.
When I say that we can talk to them, we do, and its nothing like the wife and I talk but it is different. Kinda like you would talk to your best freind.
All we know is that we have found a couple that we enjoy spnding time with, and the feelings are mutual, between us and them.
Granted we do live 45 min away from each other, which I think is a good thing. But the chats are great and so is the company.
Yes, we have stepped back and tried to look at things from afar. And we only hope that things get better.
CJ

[Twolovers01]

We are not new to this and had never considered the POLY end of the lifestyle. We had also decided while searching for the right couple that we would never do full swap, and if we did never seperate rooms. After meeting the couple the we now call our OSO's, the wife and I talked ALOT about how we felt, how they felt and what the four of us discussed together and seperate. After 2 1/2 - 3 mo. of soft swap and hanging out, my wife and i decided we wanted to take it the next level. FULL swap. We talked with our OSO's to see how they felt about it and to let them know that if we did do full swap we HAD to be exclusive. They agreed and we proceeded to take the next step. It went well and after a couple times of it we all decided that we really enjoyed it....COMMUNICATION is key. We all thought that we knew all of the rules and how everyone felt about everything, but there has been a couple times of miss communication and someone being upset...

But back to the original post question about feelings....There is in my opinion no way to keep your emotions out of it. When you spend a significant amount of time with some one and have sex with them there is no way to keep your emotions out of it totally. You may be able to not become too attached to them, somehow, but if you consider them good friends ( like we do our OSO's ) then you will care for them.

Mr. twolovers

[Alura]

We think you're right, Mr. Two Lovers... and what a bore swinging would be if you could remain totally detached.

Now, I know there are folks in the lifestyle who don't get involved emotionally at all with their playmates, even some who restrict their play to strangers. That's all right for them, each couple has the right to set their own rules. It's not for us, though.

We're not polyamorous either. With our kids, our twenty-seven years together, the pain and joy we've shared, it's unlikely anyone else could ever come close to the love we have together.

Still, there's plenty of room for friendship, even caring friendships. ...and great sex.

However, it's been our experience that after years of swinging exclusively with another couple, the sex, as in marriage, becomes... shall we say?... predictable. I remember one time years ago we had spent an evening with our playmates. When we left, I asked Mrs. Alura how the sex had been with Mr. Playmate. "Just like ol' married folks," she replied. We were both eager to do it again the next time, though.

Mr. Alura

[Twolovers01]

WE agree that it's is alot better for US if there is an emotional attachment. It makes the time spent toghether better, the friendship stronger, and the sex steamier!!!