My Semi-Poly Relationship is Ending

[NaughtyKitten]

Hi everyone! I have not posted on this board in over a year. We've had some great experiences since then but one thing that happened was far and above everything else. We formed a friendship with a single male partner of mine. It grew into a regular thing. We would hang out as friends, go to movies, he knows our kids etc. He was allowed certain priveledges that my other swing partners were not. I saw him anywhere from 1-4 times a month for a year and a half now. He never wanted a poly relationship but we functioned very much like that. We have both acknowledged feelings for each other and my husband is aware and approving of it. He has even allowed us to see each other alone at times, sometimes even overnight. It was the most satisfying relationship between the three of us but it is ending. He has started a relationship with a girl that lives out of state and will be moving early June. My heart is breaking.

I never thought I wanted a poly relationship but I really liked having another in my life. It was good for all of us. I think I would like to eventually have another poly partner, but hopefully one that is more invested and wanting that kind of relationship.

I just wanted to share my story with you all and maybe ask if you can share how you found your poly partners? I would not even begin to know how to search for something we found quite by accident.

Thank you all!

[clutch]

Hi Naughty Kitten

I'm so sorry your heart is breaking; it sounds like a very sweet heart. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I do commend you for moving on and looking for a new partner--does your husband want a girl partner? If so, you could look for a couple; if both of you are happy with just one other male, then that's good too.

SLS (swinglifestyledotcom) has every type of classification there is. I'm sure it's abounding in Michigan.

Best of luck and all the future happiness...

[NaughtyKitten]

Thank you Clutch! We are members of SLS. We met our male friend from a couple on there. We'd be open to having a male or female third as I am bi. I'm not sure about a quad with another couple. That seems a lot more complicated and we haven't had much luck with couples. We just need to find the right person or people is the important thing. I never thought I'd want this but when it happened it was so great! Even though my heart is breaking I wish him the best in his new relationship. He will be missed.

[MRandMRS]

Hi NaughtyKitten,

I'm interested in the responses you'll get here because we're in a somewhat similar situation. Our semi-poly relationship ended less than 48 hours ago and I (MRS) am crushed and hurting quite a bit. We didn't plan on becoming so close to this other couple, but found most aspects of the relationship to be quite enjoyable (before the drama started).

Being four of us, the relationship was very difficult. Feelings were lopsided. MR and girlfriend enjoyed eachother, but thier feelings probably weren't as strong as the ones boyfriend and I had developed for eachother. As girlfriend developed jealousy, our relationship suffered as well.

Do you think you want to try another sort-of poly relationship? I'm not sure if it's something we'd do again... we'll see. Pain is too fresh right now to make a good decision. Hubby and I didn't have any problems with the situation, so our relationship has remained strong, but the pain of losing them still hurts incredibly deep. I'm just not sure how many times I could put myself through something like this.

We met our friends on SLS...I really don't know many ways to meet new people. I'll keep watching for good suggestions.

I hope your broken heart mends quickly.
MRS

[NaughtyKitten]

Thank you MRS! It will be a few months till he is gone so it will take awhile till it is really over. He is allowed to play until he moves. The new GF knows about me and his swinging lifestyle and is not putting restrictions on him now. She is letting him say goodbye to it in his own way. I think that is very open-minded and generous of her. He and I had a long talk the other night about the feelings I have developed for him and just how deep they go. He has feelings too but never allowed it to get as deep as mine did. He did ackowledge that if I was single when we met he would have wanted more with me. He feels like he is cheating himself if he got exclusive with us. He wants a relationship with one lady that he doesn't have to share, only if they both want to at some point. He wants marriage and children and all that. He has never been married before. I can understand but it still hurts.

I am open to a new poly relationship. It would be nice if we could find a female that my husband and I could both be involved with but I'm open to another male friend as well. I don't think a poly relationship with a couple would work for us based on our swinging experience so far. It's hard to have 4 way compatibility and we have met very few couples that we meshed with. We'll see as time goes on what happens.

Thank you for your support and I am sorry to hear about the problems in your relationships. I'm glad you and your husband are still strong. That's important!

*hugs*

[Twolovers01]

WE found our OSO's on SLS as well. We are a QUAD and it is a little difficult. BUT IT IS GREAT!!!! we kind of had the same problems with one pair from the quad being closer and more emotionally involved. But after some GREAT COMMUNICATION all four of us are all now on the same page and feel the same way about each other.

Good luck to you.

[luvjazz]

Oh my gosh, this sounds very much like the relationship between my husband and me and a good friend of ours. Semi-poly is definitely a good way to describe it, as we have all been close friends with much flirting all around, and it only recently became sexual, just before our friend moved away. It is something we also stumbled on quite by accident, but I am very grateful for the experience even though my heart is now suffering. Naughty, I would be curious to know how things are going now?

[manhattan27]

OK Cupid (okcupid.com) is great. It has categories ranging from "Casual Sex Partners" to "Short-term dating" and "Long-Term Dating," and people tend to be fun, interesting, and open-minded--more so than some swingers can be. For example, bisexual men who are on the site are considerably more open about it. And the site is free and relatively well-designed (the matches system is odd, but bearable). We have yet to meet anyone on the site with whom we would consider having a relationship, but we don't think we want to have a full-blown poly relationship as of right now.
Best of luck to you all.

[GoNatural]

Wow, i really enjoyed your story naughtykitten. Your husband is a very lucky man to be in a relationship with you. Also, my hat is off to him. I'm glad to hear that he understood poly feelings and supported you and your lover. That is a true seccess story, even though it is ending.

You know the saying,"it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". I believe that this is a correct presumption concerning your poly lover that is now leaving.

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by manhattan27

OK Cupid (okcupid.com) is great.

manhattan27, you've created an addict out of me. I went over and checked it out and now I can't stop taking personality tests! Seriously, I think I might have to take a break from the internet because of this site.

[manhattan27]

Originally Posted by Miss_Piggy

manhattan27, you've created an addict out of me. I went over and checked it out and now I can't stop taking personality tests! Seriously, I think I might have to take a break from the internet because of this site.

Hehehe, glad to be of help... I suppose!
Perhaps you'll even find someone through this! (Shocking, I know )

[Miss_Piggy]

hehe... there are actually quite a few interesting people that I wouldn't mind meeting one day. I move from internet to 'in-person' very slowly though.

[purpletiger]

Originally Posted by manhattan27

OK Cupid (okcupid.com) is great.

I looked at it, but your choices are only male or female - no couple category!

Bummer!

Sorry for the drift!

[manhattan27]

Originally Posted by purpletiger

I looked at it, but your choices are only male or female - no couple category!

Bummer!

Sorry for the drift!

There are actually quite a few couples on there--people who define themselves as poly, or swinger, or just non-monogamous. It's just that they have individual profiles, but each profile mentions the other person. And we've had some interesting dates that we found through the website, while we only date as a couple.