Light-Polyfidelity-Swinging???

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by TheDeal

The ideal group would consist of 5 to 8 couples. There would be no expectation of love, only friendship. The goal would be to provide a safe, comfortable environment where all persons could be completely open and free to live out their fantasies.

We currently have a small group of friends that are developing naturally into something that fits this description. We are currently at 5 couples. We do, however, use condoms. All of us have several things in common, including being mid-30's and up, and all non-smokers. We all get along great, personality fits all around. We even travel out of town together as a group to visit clubs.

Originally Posted by TheDeal

...couples agree to be sexual with only those in the group.

This isn't part of the deal in our group, and we wouldn't want it to be. We like the freedom of being "allowed" to let things develop naturally should we meet a great couple somewhere. We wouldn't want to feel obligated or committed to anybody else but each other. The couples are all free to meet whomever else they want to, and the group is open to grow.

[cocpl2007]

We have decided this, well something similar, is where we are headed. "Poly" from that standpoint...not interested in other "lovers" just friendships where the play is exclusive to the friends within that circle of friendships.

Any others in or around Colorado interested in exploring such a group...even if it is only ONE other couple, let us know.

Interesting comments, thank you all for sharing.

[GoNatural]

To the OP, no you are not crazy! The benefits of such an arrangement would be wonderful! My only concern would be getting multiple people to agree to particular rules or expectations, but it is possible to reach an agreement.

Originally Posted by imapolygirl

Poly people often draft and commit to a written agreement called a condom compact, where everyone who is in the group gets tested for STDs, then tested against after six months. If all is clear, then they are no longer required to use condoms when being sexual with others in the group. These agreements can be very specific as to what is OK to do outside the group and what isn't OK. Naturally, there are no guarantees, and everyone involved must pledge quite seriously to honor the agreement, but this system seems to work and work well for polys who are in intimate networks. There's no substitute for getting to know your potential partners well and getting a sense of their personal integrity before having unprotected sex with them.

imapolygirl, where would I have to live to get involved with such a wonderful group?

Second, is the term for that situation that you described called "fluid bonding"?

It appears to me that whether or not the group as a whole desires polyamory could be discussed beforehand. If the group does not want to invite any emotions beyond friendly caring and affirmation, then the group would be just a swinging-fidelity group. Poly is negotiable. Nevertheless, we again seem to run into a discussion about that blurred line when it comes to swinging and building close friendships.

[Tia Vampire]

When we first started into the life-style, that is what we were looking for. As many has said here, it is just too hard to keep together. We were in a group like this and none of the women could get pregnant so the men started to want to have sex without condoms. No not for us We were a group of 4 couples, so eight of us. We hung out at the same house party. We all still hang at the house party, we still speak, but we don't have sex with one another. Dunno why, but I don't see them the same way anymore. My fiance just said it's because they were out of their minds for suggesting such a thing. Maybe that's why. We are talking over a year ago though. If it was to happen again, we would handle it diffently.

[TheDeal]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

so the men started to want to have sex without condoms. No not for us

I must totally agree and understand. Up until this relationship began, my wife and I even debated on whether to use condoms during oral play.

The couple we are with, we have been close friends with for almost 10 years. We introduced them to the lifestyle and neither they nor us have ever played with any other couples.

Also, we have changed our original goal of more couples. We both realize that if were not for these long time friends, (friends before sex at that) we would not have this type of relationship with additional partners. This is one of those things where we got exactly what we wanted in a couple to play with, but it was only because of who the couple was / is. It would be very hard to meet new people and form a bond that could sustain such a relationship. Really, when you think about it; the best romantic relationships are where people start out as friends. Let the friendship develop, then maybe get physical, if that is mutually desired. As married adults, I think it would be difficult to put aside the sex in favor of building a friendship first.

[sereneiders]

We've known a couple of groupls like the one you pursue. One of them even goes to the Club, socialize with everyone but plays mostly with other group members.

However, I cannot claim those groups were planned, on purpose, setting the goals you mention.

We're poly-friendly and we had poly relationships. Both of them started as "friendships" where all the incolver people knew there was a chance for the sexual stuff, but we didn't pursue to have sex at first. Much like "if we were about to have sex, then we won't be able to get laid", so the anxiety for the sex stuff wasn't there, or at least it was somehow... controlled.

But as we got confortable with the whole swinging scenario at the Clubs, we stop prettending to be firends first... and anyway we developed several good friendships and we have playmates we have sex with often, much like a preference, where the confort level and the developed confidence has a lot to do.

The question is, wheter you can develop a friendship with the swinging goal in sight, and I believe this is really hard. Not impossible, but it requires a lot of energy and patience, and now, when I look back to those times, I believe it would have been easiest to apply just a fraction of that energy and patience on get confortable enough as to have sex with not so known people.

So, if you have other concerns like safety or privacy issues, the idea seems fine enough, but as a tool to be able to get confortable, it doesn't.

[Sico_tiko]

its the first time to hear abotu something like that, but it seems intresting

[AshNFiona]

We had been friendly with a couple for 20 years and never thought about each other sexually. Then once on vacation we decided to try having sex in the same room, each with their own spouse just for fun. That led to swapping partners on the same occasion. After that we had many foursomes, and even threesomes when one member could not be present. His wife once had to go away on an extended trip for a month, and every weekend he slept with us in our bed.

Us and them also started swinging with other couples, but there were long phases when just us two couples would be getting together. It was poly-like in that we had feelings for the other spouse and sometimes even just paired off separately with the other spouse. His wife and I share some interests, and my wife and him share some other interests, so we pair off like that sometimes. And so our relationship continues till now.

[ShellyM]

Thats very interesting. We know a couple that recently did that...all 4 click famously...well, so famously that they switched partners. The one hubby now lives with the other's wife, and so on for the other 2. I was honestly shocked when he told me this, but they all seem extremely happy, so I'm happy for them!

[daisy girl]

Hmmm...doesn't sound like poly. Sounds like a "closed swinging circle." Sounds nice actually!!

[TheDeal]

What I find interesting about our situation is the "poly" part. If you read my original post, you will see there was a definite limit on the relationship factor. Our original intent was to create an environment for safe and trusting play, no more. When our long time friends became our first couple to play with, it has turned into more than what we thought would. This is not a bad thing at all, so far. It is however, a little unnerving as all four of us are sorta just letting things develop. There is love, friendship, mutual attraction, but we all have not sat down and said; "ok, we all love each other and are committed to seeing where this all leads". It is unsaid and just beneath the surface, but unsaid none the less. Really aside from my wife and I, I am not sure if they (other couple) have even heard of polyamory and the various types and such. Both of them are very intelligent so it would not surprise me to find they are right where we are. I guess it's like when ya are first dating someone and you both know ya'll love each other, but have yet to have "the talk".