Poly Relations With All Straight Members?

[The_Phoenyxes]

Hello! Im not in this kind of situation, but i was wonder if there are any poly relationships out there with ever member being straight? (Ex: Wife with 2 straight husbands or visa versa.) And if so, what are the survival chances? Wouldnt it be a lot harder to maintain that kind of relationship? Thanks for letting me ask my newbie question !

Mrs. Bird

[avid]

This is almost our situation. I'm a bi female, but my guys are very straight. Neither one is scared of bumping into each other in an intimate situation, though, and they will joke around physically and hug each other occasionally.

Why do you think that's a harder way to have a relationship? What is it about that setup that concerns you?

[The_Phoenyxes]

Nothing really. I think what i mean to ask was does anyone think it would be any harder than maintaining any other poly relationship. I guess what sparked that question of mine was me wondering if any of the partners (in your cause the guys) ever spend nights alone or does everyone share the same bed everynight? Is it hard to set up your time with them and do you have days where you spend time with just one and without the other? Really i would assume it is no different than any other relationship, but i was just wondering if maybe the different set up made the relationship any different. Thank you for your reply Avid.

[clutch]

If one defines polymorous as friends that fuck, then we are that. If you saw the film "Kinsey," (a really great film, by the way, in my opinion) at one point Professor Kinsey has sex with another guy. (Later his wife has sex with the same guy -- all very open and above board.)

But right before Kinsey and this other guy have sex, Kinsey describes a scale of 1 to 5 with "1" being heterosexual and "5" being homosexual. At the point he had sex with the guy, he rated himself a "3".

Personally, I believe there is some truth in the scale theory--maybe not so cut and dry. With our other couple, we've experimented and have no problem with same sex touching and/or, in a group setting, even pleasuring to a point. (Yeh, I know, some say yuck. But to quote the old bumper sticker, it's only kinky the first time.) Ultimately, I'd rate myself as a 1.5 and the other guy at a 2-3 on occasion. The wives kind of sling back and forth. Generally they prefer we men at a 1.0 level, but then can have their 5 moments. If you averaged their typical drive, it would be hetero, with occasional gusts of les.

We guys never kiss or penetrate each other --the gals do each other sometimes, much to everyone's enjoyment.

Personally I'm not generally attracted to guys and am very much to girls. I don't say this from fear of such... I just did what I had to do to find out throughout the tenure of my life's experiences.

As far as spending the night in one bed--there's no telling how we'll end up. We usually start with a group activity with the other couple which usually involves a lot of naked touching, a game, or group massage.

It's not unusual for us to pair off with each other's spouses after that (our couple friends have a farm with a lot of places to play) and we'll spend the night under the same roof of their farm house.

It's really not at all unusual that we cuddle with our own respective spouses to sleep, but then again, several times I've stumbled out of bed to find my wife doing some delicious things to my friend downstairs on the couch in front of the fireplace.

Don't know if this is answering the question...I think most poly couples work out what works best for them as they go.

[avid]

Thanks for your response, clutch.

I don't think I would define our relationship as "friends that fuck". I thoroughly and completely feel love for both my husband and partner. He lives with us 50% of the time, and with his other partner the other 50%.

If my guys were to lean in the direction of bisexuality, I wouldn't see any problem with it. I just don't think that's where they're going.

[avid]

Originally Posted by The_Phoenyxes

Nothing really. I think what i mean to ask was does anyone think it would be any harder than maintaining any other poly relationship.

Before this relationship, we were in a relationship with another woman. For other reasons, it was a more difficult relationship. It was still wonderful, though. It just didn't last as long as we would have liked!

I guess what sparked that question of mine was me wondering if any of the partners (in your cause the guys) ever spend nights alone or does everyone share the same bed everynight?

We don't have enough room in our bed, so we don't all get to sleep together unless we're travelling. You can be sure when I'm booking a hotel room, I'm making sure it has a king size bed! When my partner is here, I sleep with him on alternating nights. Also, we're business partners, so when we travel for business, which is frequently, we sleep together.

Is it hard to set up your time with them and do you have days where you spend time with just one and without the other?

Sometimes I spend time with one without the other, usually in the case of business travel or if my partner is at his other home. My favourite thing, though, is for us to all be together. Dinner, concerts, going to the club...

[Annaiis]

Originally Posted by clutch

If one defines polymorous as friends that fuck, then we are that.

clutch, I don't think anyone would define a polyamorous relationship as "friends that fuck".

It's a LOVE relationship involving more than 2 people, very much like a serious boyfriend/girlfriend couple, common-law couple, or married couple, except that a third and sometimes even a fourth person is equally or close-to-equally part of the relationship.

A true polyamorous relationship often involves everyone in the relationship living in one house with either everyone sleeping in the same bed in the case of a three person relationship, or the group sharing two or more beds in different combinations and permutations in the case of a four person relationship.

Annaiis

[KenRachel]

Yes, it makes it a little harder.

Rachel is bi, Pat is not. This (and the fact that Pat has her own place) pushes us somewhat more towards me going back and forth between beds. We get together a lot, and sleep together quite often. But it tends to be more sleep together than having anything else go on.

Ken

[The_Phoenyxes]

Thank you all so much for your answers. It is great to get insight on subjects such as this that i know nothing about. You are all very kind and thank you again!

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by avid

Before this relationship, we were in a relationship with another woman. For other reasons, it was a more difficult relationship. It was still wonderful, though. It just didn't last as long as we would have liked!

Happy New Years everyone - sorry for our lack of presence on the board of late with the holidays and out of town guests.

Avid we're curious as to why you felt this type of relationship with more difficult? We have talked about the different types of poly relationships and for us we would see the MMF being more difficult, especially with all being straight......as we are hoping you all can enlightin us so we understand better!

The Menage's

[avid]

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

Avid we're curious as to why you felt this type of relationship with more difficult? We have talked about the different types of poly relationships and for us we would see the MMF being more difficult, especially with all being straight......as we are hoping you all can enlightin us so we understand better!

I don't think that one type of poly relationship is easier or tougher than another, really. In our situation, the other woman had just come out of a 13 year relationship, wasn't really looking for another, tended towards monogamy, had 2 children the same age as ours whom she parented quite differently, and on and on. Just lots of reasons why it wasn't going to work out.

We're still friends, but not at all in the same way.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by avid

I don't think that one type of poly relationship is easier or tougher than another, really. In our situation, the other woman had just come out of a 13 year relationship, wasn't really looking for another, tended towards monogamy, had 2 children the same age as ours whom she parented quite differently, and on and on. Just lots of reasons why it wasn't going to work out.

We're still friends, but not at all in the same way.

Well all of those things, just like in a monogamous relationship can effect it. Thanks for the response Avid.

The Other Mrs. Menage

[Miss_Piggy]

Our set up is much like that of two straight couples where all the hetero lines connect. Of the four of us, I'm the only one who isn't straight

At first, I thought that everyone's straightness was somewhat inconvenient. However, I now understand that each relationship needs to have it's own unique characteristics. It's not just one big balanced relationship and we can't really force it into that mold. It helps me to think of each one to one relationship as a separate things that both has an effect on and is effected by the other relationships.

[luv2buck]

Originally Posted by Annaiis

clutch, I don't think anyone would define a polyamorous relationship as "friends that fuck".

I dunno, Annaiis, that is perfectly acceptable as one operational definition of a poly relationship. My spouse and I had a regular threesome partner who lived with us for almost four years. He and I were both hetero and she was bi. And he and I had been very close friends, virtual brothers, for a couple of decades before that. So "FTF" cetainly describes our poly relationship.

Originally Posted by Annaiis

It's a LOVE relationship involving more than 2 people, very much like a serious boyfriend/girlfriend couple, common-law couple, or married couple, except that a third and sometimes even a fourth person is equally or close-to-equally part of the relationship.

A true polyamorous relationship often involves everyone in the relationship living in one house with either everyone sleeping in the same bed in the case of a three person relationship, or the group sharing two or more beds in different combinations and permutations in the case of a four person relationship.

Annaiis

I think you are on a really slippery slope here. All relationships involve feelings and emotions that are not perfectly symetric for the people involved. My spouse often said that our three way relationship was for her like having two husbands - in all the postive and not so positive aspects.



My point here is that defintions places limits on what we consider to be a relationship. For instance, there's a 90-somthing married couple where every Sunday after church for the last 40 years, the old codger goes down to the local strip club so his wife and another church lady can get into their leathers and you know what. That's a poly relationship which falls outside of what we might think is a poly relationship.

One of the big things we discovered from being in a non traditional relationship is that people should be more open minded about what we call a relationship. We were surprised and disappointed that the people in the swinger community didn't consider us as being in a acceptable relationship. Go figure...

best regards,

buck

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by luv2buck

One of the big things we discovered from being in a non traditional relationship is that people should be more open minded about what we call a relationship. We were surprised and disappointed that the people in the swinger community didn't consider us as being in a acceptable relationship. Go figure...

best regards,

buck

Buck,

Dito...........well said. It is still amazing to us the number of people who just don't get us. The number of single women that go running if we try emailing because he already has TWO OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! will I be the next in his harem? (please!)

Or single men that email thinking there is NO ways that he could manage to keep TWO of us woman happy...........but the most amazing to us is our "friends" and "friends in the lifestyle" who just don't get it............it's getting better with time as they are starting to see that we are a "UNIT" and are all committed to each other.

We guess it will just always be a cross to bear for us.......

The Other Mrs. Menage