Poly Relationship and Legal Issues

[Menage_a_Trois]

We were just wondering for any of you in a long term poly relationship how you have handled things such as your wishes for your funeral and making sure your "family" doesn't exclude your "SO's/Partner's" from the event.

Has anyone had a will drawn up? Has anyone ever done a name change when marriage wasn't an option?

Would be curious to hear your thoughts..............Thanks.

The Menage's

[avid]

I'm concerned with some of these issues as well.

One night I dreamt that something happened to my partner when he was at his other home, and no one told me. I think in my dream he might have died. Since that dream, I've been more conscious of the issues of "formalizing" our relationship. I have no answers, but I sure wish I did.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Avid,

Thanks for the reply. Keep us posted and we'll do the same on how this all goes for you..............Was hoping some of the other's here would have chimed in but it must be something no one else has encountered yet........

The Other Mrs. Menage

[flkeyscouple]

I have no answers for you, but a pretty obvious suggestion.... have either of you talked to an attorney and asked his/her opinion? I would guess that if you explain the situation and the relationship, the attorney could suggest the best legal course for you to take.

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

We were just wondering for any of you in a long term poly relationship how you have handled things such as your wishes for your funeral and making sure your "family" doesn't exclude your "SO's/Partner's" from the event.

Have you talked with your 'family' and made your wants known? Or are you thinking that even if they knew your wants, without you there they would do what they wanted instead? Sad situation, but I know it could easily occur when 'they' don't understand the relationship.

I would make sure my wants were spelled out legally - there you go again - ask an attorney! Sorry - no help here. Just eye opening for me. I hadn't thought of the legal ramifications or planning that a poly relationship would need.

Sarah

[catslaughing]

You know, I do not know the answer to this, other than the fact that a decent power of attorney is an amazing thing, but if I was really wanting the very best of answers i would go find a gay marriage forum. Gay couples have been dealing with exactly this issue and would probably offer the best advice.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by catslaughing

You know, I do not know the answer to this, other than the fact that a decent power of attorney is an amazing thing, but if I was really wanting the very best of answers i would go find a gay marriage forum. Gay couples have been dealing with exactly this issue and would probably offer the best advice.

Good advice............we'll will have to do just that. Thanks for the input.

[SAMnTINA]

This is much the same as the planning we do for gay couples. In addition to Durable Power of attorney, health care proxie and trusts will wil allow you to maintain control of assets, income and health decsions. If children are involved you also need to make sure you have will that cover care and custody, in some states adoption by life partners work in other states adoption is not a option.

We are not attorneys and legal councel should be consulted look for an attorne that workswith the gay community as they may have a better understanding of life partner arangements.

We are however accountants and finincial advisors and have worked with many gay couples with and with out children on protecting the rights of themselfs their partners and their children.

Good luck

[Menage_a_Trois]

Well luckly for us (Mr. Ménage and myself, The Other Mrs. Ménage ) our children are all grown so the issue of children isn't critical other than wanting to make sure that our wishes for our SO's being included, God forbid something tragic should happen to one of us.

Our relationship is still in it infancy but it is for the long haul so this are concerns we discuss and will need to address at some point.

Just as I have seriously considered doing a name change to take their name, however, that leads to all the issues with my current employer and them knowing him as my boyfriend. Unfortunately I'm in a VERY conservative environment that wouldn't handle our relationship well at all. So to do that I would have to explain why I have his name but we aren't married and he isn't going on my health insurance policy...........lol

Who would have ever though of all the nuisance’s to a relationship such as this one?

The Other Mrs. Ménage

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

Just as I have seriously considered doing a name change to take their name, however, that leads to all the issues with my current employer and them knowing him as my boyfriend. Unfortunately I'm in a VERY conservative environment that wouldn't handle our relationship well at all. So to do that I would have to explain why I have his name but we aren't married and he isn't going on my health insurance policy...........lol
The Other Mrs. Ménage

I do not profess to know much about polyamory or the legal standpoint of wills, finances, healthcare or such, but I read up on it and thought I might throw some ideas out there, that even if they are bad, may generate an idea with someone else that might work for you. What about changing your last name, but using a hyphen. Like yourlastname-theirlastname. You can simply tell them you decided to marry quietly, because you didn't want the hassle of a wedding, and that you are keeping your name proffesionally, but taking his personally. As far as explaining why he would not be on your insurance, one, it really shouldn't be something noticed and commented upon, but you could say, he has great insurance at his job or something to that effect. As long as you are not trying to get insurance there is no need for them to check and see if you are really married.

You say your job is very conservative. Depending on how conservative, you could say you are taking his last name because you are living together, but for personal reasons (children having concerns about him getting stuff when you die or whatever, just blame it on the kids...) you do not want to make the marraige official.

Like I said, just tossing ideas out, none of which will probably work, but maybe someone else can generate an idea off of em.

[Twolovers01]

Seems to me that just taking someones last name one ties you to them by name. I am relativly certain that you would still have NO LEGAL recourse or rights to any thing like final wishes, personal property, money and such.

I am no lawyer but i share a last name with thousands of people
I am not related to, and they have no right to anything in my life. Ergo seems logical that a SO would have no rights just by changing there name to the SO's.

Now on the other hand as an SO it would be a SUPER SWEET and romantic/loving gesture to change your name (heiphenated or otherwise) to that of your SO's...

That said we are in a MFMF poly relationship and IT'S GREAT!!! My wife and family know my final wishes and i would not expect my SO to be involved anymore than to go to my funeral if something tragic were to happen. My family knows our SO's and would inform them as friends I am sure. No one knows of our poly relationship.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by Twolovers01

Seems to me that just taking someones last name one ties you to them by name. I am relativly certain that you would still have NO LEGAL recourse or rights to any thing like final wishes, personal property, money and such.

I am no lawyer but i share a last name with thousands of people
I am not related to, and they have no right to anything in my life. Ergo seems logical that a SO would have no rights just by changing there name to the SO's.

Now on the other hand as an SO it would be a SUPER SWEET and romantic/loving gesture to change your name (heiphenated or otherwise) to that of your SO's...

That said we are in a MFMF poly relationship and IT'S GREAT!!! My wife and family know my final wishes and i would not expect my SO to be involved anymore than to go to my funeral if something tragic were to happen. My family knows our SO's and would inform them as friends I am sure. No one knows of our poly relationship.

We understand that the name change would in no way be giving a binding agreement or right to any property, money, final wishes, etc. It would merely be a gesture of love and committment to the relationship.

In order for there to be something more binding one would by all means need to seek legal representation and have a formal document (will) drafted to make anything stick in the event of a death.

[Twolovers01]

I just wanted to give my two cents about the name change thing. Wanted to make sure that no one thought you could get anykind of legal rights from a name change!!!

Would def. be a great way to show your commitment to your OSO/OSO's.