Telling Family

[Menage_a_Trois]

Ok I have a question for everyone who is or has been in the poly relationship in which you actually lived together, how you addressed your relationship and living arrangements to your families? After being home for the holidays and TRYING to talk to family about my relationship it started me wondering on who has had to deal with this and how you did it?

Looking forward to hearing your responses.

The Other Mrs. Menage

PS - I'm READY to go HOME! LOL

[avid]

We don't have a lot of family, and those we have, we're not terribly close to, so it's not really an issue.

On the other hand, we have kids living with us, two with my husband and I, and my partner's 19yo daughter, who lives with us most of the time since she left an unhealthy relationship. The good thing about younger kids is that they don't spend a lot of time analyzing things, just accept the reality in which they live. They don't ask questions very often, and the simple answer suffices for them.

My partner, when he's here, spends a substantial amount of time with me and the kids during the day, and he and I are the ones doing groceries, and ferrying the kids to skating, swimming, etc. (In between times we try to run a business together). My girls see him as sort of a surrogate father, and in fact my 7yo has told him that she sees him that way.

My partner's daughter and I get along really well, and often spend time alone together in the evenings, especially when the men aren't here. About 2 weeks ago, because I knew she was very curious, I told her I loved her dad, and asked her how she felt about that. She said that all she wants is for her father to be happy. She's a lovely young woman, and I'm glad that she's in my life. She's open minded and accepting, just like her dad.

[WesternSwing]

We've been involved in one poly-type relationship, and I say that because Mrs. WS had a steady boyfriend for a while, but he didn't live with us. She used to see him sometimes during the day or after work, and since I traveled quite a bit at the time he was there for her and my family when the need arose. It worked well for us while it lasted.

How would we have broken it to the family? My mom and dad were divorced 20 years ago and my dad eventually remarried for 10 years and just recently divorced again. So I'll address both seperately.

My mom's side; I don't think we would. I don't know how they would react. They are liberal, but there is still some old world Greek in them. My grandmother would keal-over from the knowledge. My uncle would freak. My aunt (my mom's sister) would probably say "if it works for you, pull up a chair to the table Mr. or Ms. Third!"

My dad's side; My step-brother and his wife brought their third to Thanksgiving dinner one year. That went well, and since my dad is very open-minded and I know for sure now that he and my mom had an open relationship, I know it would not even phase him or my ex-step mom.

Mrs. WS's dad knows we are swingers. He doesn't care because all he cares about is that his daughter is happy, and he sees how happy we are.

Mrs. WS hasn't seen her mom in 16 years. So that is not even a consideration.

Mr. WS

[jon0468]

This is one that I have also wondered about. My wife and I have been married 17 years, we have 3 kids. The kids are open minded, they know about and accept gay relationships, their uncle is and they have friends in school that are openly bi. My wife's other significant other lives with us, and it's a juggle hiding it from everyone. The only reason we hide it, is this is the first time for this for us. Imagine the mental torture my wife went through trying to figure it all out, having lived so conventionally and then her heart mind and soul trying to tell her she was in love with two people and it was ok to have us both in her life. Not to mention he and I both dealing with our demons. Me wrapping my mind around the simple fact that she can love us both, no more nor less, he really not wanting to get between us, as he is a friend to us both. At least we have all come to very good terms with it all, and a triad is what we are evolving into. But I digress. We are at the stage where we don't care who knows, she wants to tell people, we are all so just puffing with pride, lol. She, because she has two great guys, he because he has her, and me because my love for her is big enough that I'm not petty about it. It's all just love. But we are worried about our families. My dad would have a heart attack, lol. My mom, probably would not care, as long as I and my family are happy. My wifes family is very uptight and conservative. And our thirds family, well, most of them he doesn't mind about, but he has a very very elderly conservative aunt that is close to him that he would not want to find out. In addition to our "unconventional" relationship, he is also much younger than my wife. Our "coming out" is probably the biggest worry we have. I would very much like to hear from other people on this subject.


Thank you for your read!