Green Eyed...over the secondary....

JP51 · 09-13-2006, 10:24 AM

What a deal, we are all four going to Desire. That should be real fun, now get this! I am feeling a little green eyed :rollseyes over my secondary maybe having fun with other guys.... can you believe that!! It strike me funny that I would even feel this way. I talked to my primary about it and she just laughed at me

! Said it because I care, so don't worry about it, it will pass. I guess she knows me better than I know myself. Just thought I would share this with the poly group.

dozzydolly · 09-13-2006, 11:27 AM

Ha ha ha -I know how you feel. I've experienced more jealousy concerning my secondaries than with my husband (shows where my insecurities lie I guess). I've had several conversations with others about this and it seems to be a common experience. I hope you all have a great trip to Desire.

Miss_Piggy · 09-13-2006, 12:07 PM

Maybe there is something about secondaries feeling more unstable or less commited or something like that. I mean, with your primary partner you have all sorts of ties together (which have that side benefit of offering some security).
The secondary isn't as tied in, making is easier for him or her to leave you should there be even very small difficulties.
I know that the green-eyed mosnter seems to come at me when I'm feeling insecure about my relationship in some way.

dozzydolly · 09-13-2006, 02:38 PM

Agreed! When I feel jealousy I have to ask why. For me jealousy doesn't seem to be a pure emotion, a symptom not a cause.

avid · 09-13-2006, 06:24 PM

I feel the same way, but I'm not sure it's jealousy, it's more likely to be an insecurity.

It could be because we haven't been together that long, too. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years, whereas my partner and I have been together for 11 months. I feel pretty good about the thought of him being with another woman (I want to watch!), but I do feel more reservations about it than if it were my husband. We haven't swung together yet, but I'm hoping the opportunity will arise soon. Hey, that reminds me of a thread I wanted to start!

JTcamp05 · 09-14-2006, 07:42 AM

I don't think this is uncommon at all..... guess its all part of the experience !!!

JP51 · 09-14-2006, 08:45 AM

a little follow up...my wife admited last night she had the same issue with her secondary....so guess it runs in the family...lol. Thanks everyone....

Menage_a_Trois · 09-14-2006, 06:39 PM

The jealousy/insecurity may come from the fact that relationships with secondaries are not on the same footing as primary ones. They are more like "dating", while the primary is a marriage or long term relationship. Not sure about the relationship you have with your secondary, but most secondary relationships aren't exclusive. So could the insecurity be about them finding someone else? I think I'd talk to my secondary about this and you might find that they are feeling the same way. Good communication could go along way to putting your mind at ease.

T, A, and P

jon0468 · 02-24-2007, 09:03 PM

yes, this is not as unusual as you would think. My wife has great insecurities over her secondary. When I comment that she must care more about him than me, because of how she gets jealous, she just says, "no, there is something about you, I can't explain it, but I don't have any worries about you, even if you did meet other women and play with them, I know you would be coming home to me and sleeping in my bed." I believe it is because she and I have the 18 years, and that bond, that we know and trust each other that much.

**lustylearning** · Today, 06:19 PM

Good insight in this thread.

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09-13-2006, 10:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
JP51 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 175 Location: Texas Status: Couple SLS Name:jimdebra1	Green Eyed...over the secondary.... What a deal, we are all four going to Desire. That should be real fun, now get this! I am feeling a little green eyed :rollseyes over my secondary maybe having fun with other guys.... can you believe that!! It strike me funny that I would even feel this way. I talked to my primary about it and she just laughed at me ! Said it because I care, so don't worry about it, it will pass. I guess she knows me better than I know myself. Just thought I would share this with the poly group.

09-13-2006, 11:27 AM	#2 (permalink)
dozzydolly Registered Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 7 Location: SLC Status: Couple	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... Ha ha ha -I know how you feel. I've experienced more jealousy concerning my secondaries than with my husband (shows where my insecurities lie I guess). I've had several conversations with others about this and it seems to be a common experience. I hope you all have a great trip to Desire.

09-13-2006, 12:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
Miss_Piggy mildly abnormal Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,404 Location: Sometimes Canada Status: I'm with Kermit Blog Entries: 2	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... Maybe there is something about secondaries feeling more unstable or less commited or something like that. I mean, with your primary partner you have all sorts of ties together (which have that side benefit of offering some security). The secondary isn't as tied in, making is easier for him or her to leave you should there be even very small difficulties. I know that the green-eyed mosnter seems to come at me when I'm feeling insecure about my relationship in some way. __________________ I feel that a woman doesn't have to be called 'Ms.' in order to be a woman of her own making. I believe 'Miss' allows moi to be a woman, and my karate can get me anything else

09-13-2006, 02:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
dozzydolly Registered Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 7 Location: SLC Status: Couple	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... Agreed! When I feel jealousy I have to ask why. For me jealousy doesn't seem to be a pure emotion, a symptom not a cause.

09-13-2006, 06:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
avid Open to the Universe Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 286 Location: Oshawa, ON Status: Female part of MFM triad	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... I feel the same way, but I'm not sure it's jealousy, it's more likely to be an insecurity. It could be because we haven't been together that long, too. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years, whereas my partner and I have been together for 11 months. I feel pretty good about the thought of him being with another woman (I want to watch!), but I do feel more reservations about it than if it were my husband. We haven't swung together yet, but I'm hoping the opportunity will arise soon. Hey, that reminds me of a thread I wanted to start!

09-14-2006, 07:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
JTcamp05 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 247 Location: Ohio Status: Couple SLS Name:JtCamp05	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... I don't think this is uncommon at all..... guess its all part of the experience !!!

09-14-2006, 08:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
JP51 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 175 Location: Texas Status: Couple SLS Name:jimdebra1	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... a little follow up...my wife admited last night she had the same issue with her secondary....so guess it runs in the family...lol. Thanks everyone....

09-14-2006, 06:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
Menage_a_Trois Sex is emotion in motion! Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 559 Location: Reno, NV Status: Couple SLS Name:Menage_a_Trois	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... The jealousy/insecurity may come from the fact that relationships with secondaries are not on the same footing as primary ones. They are more like "dating", while the primary is a marriage or long term relationship. Not sure about the relationship you have with your secondary, but most secondary relationships aren't exclusive. So could the insecurity be about them finding someone else? I think I'd talk to my secondary about this and you might find that they are feeling the same way. Good communication could go along way to putting your mind at ease. T, A, and P

02-24-2007, 09:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
jon0468 Here to Stay Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 34 Location: Ft. Worth Status: M. Male	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... yes, this is not as unusual as you would think. My wife has great insecurities over her secondary. When I comment that she must care more about him than me, because of how she gets jealous, she just says, "no, there is something about you, I can't explain it, but I don't have any worries about you, even if you did meet other women and play with them, I know you would be coming home to me and sleeping in my bed." I believe it is because she and I have the 18 years, and that bond, that we know and trust each other that much.

Today, 06:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
lustylearning Julie's Helper Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 266 Location: Virginia Status: female half	Re: Green Eyed...over the secondary.... Good insight in this thread.

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