A little sticky situation

[iwantmorefun69]

Hello all
I want to throw out a scenario and see what advice I get.

My wife and I were experimenting with swinging over a year ago, but we
started thinking of getting out of it because the emotionless sex was not
what we were looking for, only because we made plans weeks earlier, we
met our last couple, and it was magic, we all fell in love, we do not
live together, but we do a lot together from vacationing, to each
others children sleeping over.
There is sex involved but not as much as we would have gotten
swinging, but thats fine with us as we are so happy just being around
each other.
Here is where things get tricky, I have a great relationship with the
other couples wife, we have on more than one occasion, will full
knowledge of our spouses, gone upstairs and had sex together, and they
have also done it once or twice, and no jealousy has ever come about
as far as the sex goes.
But over the past few months the other man has had a noticable drop in
his sex drive, so I have been finding myself and the other woman,
enjoying each other more times than my wife and the other man.
And early on, we made it a point to never start counting our times, and we do all participate in a 4 some often.
My wife tells me she does not want me to stop doing what we are doing,
but she has confided in me, and me alone so far, that she is jealous
of what I have with the other woman, not that we are having sex, but
she is not getting it with the other guy, pretty much at all, as it is
now the only time she gets anything with anyone other than me, is when
all 4 of us are together.
I dont know what to tell her, I am enjoying and loving our couple, I
don't want to stop what I a doing, and she says she doesn't want me to
either, but I feel really bad that she is not getting the attention
that I am.
Another "site" had people giving us advice like, have your wife find someone new, but this is not whare we want to go, sex or not we love this couple and their family, we have commited ourselves to them and they have too, so introducing someone else into the mix is not going to happen
Anyone have any suggestions, of have been in a similar situation,
please let me know what you think
Thanks in advance.

[Amanda69]

Did anyone suggest talking to the couple to find out what the issue is?? Is it health related? Emotional? Is he having an affair? Is he unhappy with the current situation for some reason?


You can't start to solve a problem until you know what the root cause is.

[JustAskJulie]

Were they interested in a "committed" relationship when this started? Has he expressed any reason why these changes might have occured? Do you know if his drive has changed overall (with his wife) or just with yours? Are they seeing other people or just you guys?

[iwantmorefun69]

OK here is the update.

We(the 4 of us) had a sit down and hashed out a few things.
The other couple is not seeing anyone else (either of them).
We did convince him to go see a doctor to find out about his disapearing sex drive, he insists he is just loosing intrest in sex, and sometimes when we are all together he just goes through the motions, but doesnt always get into it.
Both he and my wife insist that me and his wife continue any chance we get, but he wants us to include my wife more so she isn't left out.
The other woman and I have talked since and have decided to calm down until we know whats going on with her husband (it wont be easy but we will try).
So we will await my friends dr appointment, and make sure he is OK physically, and take it from there.
My wife and I have taken a long look at this situation, and we both agree, we are sticking with this couple, no matter what the future brings, our families have developed such a bond that the thought of breaking it off is impossible, and not to mention the sex is only the tip of the iceberg.
I will try to keep everyone posted
Thanks

[JP51]

I agree with Julie. You need to find out if his sex drive had taken a nose dive with his wife too. If so he could have a medical issue that has gone unnoticed. I would find that out first, if it not an overall thing. Then you might want to relook the relationship from the point of it being a "love" relationship...he may not be there, and is going along because of the other partners. I know in our poly group... I can talk to "him" pretty openly about what is going on. With the secondary lady, it not "pretty open" is is full and honest and she would tell me it there was an issue.

[ShellyM]

Its great that you talked it out. I feel bad for him, because it has to be a huge hit to his ego, this whole situation. I'm sure that he wants to have sex, but just doesn't have the drive. We women can relate, because we have this problem much more than men do...you WANT to feel like making love, but you just don't. I'm glad he is seeing a doctor. Viagra won't fix this, we aren't talking about erectile dysfunction here, but his entire drive being diminished. I wish him only the best of luck.