Are you Poly?

[BamaRide]

My thinking... the terms are nothing more than a tool to provide others in the lifestyle a frame of refernce of what to expect from people. If one says I'm a Democrate or a Republican it doesn't tell you the specifics of their views but it gives you a general concept of where they are coming from...

Likewise in the lifestyle if someone says they practice NSA, Poly, Friends First, etc it also doesn't tell you specifics of how they conduct themselves in the lifestyle because everyone is different, but it does give you a general idea of what to expect.

Example: A couple says they are are Poly and your practice is along the lines of NSA swinging... It is very likely that this combo isn't going to work as the two basic tenents are so different. The poly folks are going to look at the NSA folks as hit and run... bed post knotchers...and the NSA folks are going to see the Poly crowd as being clingy and to emotionally attached.

In everything, not just swinging, I've always been very resistent to labels. However, they do serve a purpose of providing a general concept of expectation on some strong tenents of a class or group. Beyond that labels pegeon hole people into groups that often don't tell the real story. We all are individuals and as such different.

BamaRide

[mwc_mich]

Hi! We're new to the group and found the site through the Swingercast forum. I was both surprised happy to see a thread here talking about poly!! We've been on both sides having been involved in swinging for several years before opening up about 5 years ago.

It has been an amazing journey for us and we can appreciate both sides of the argument. I would definitely say that it is a ton more work than I would ever have guessed, but you only get out what you put in!

Hopefully we can add something to this discussion based on our views and experiences!

[ncmd_couple]

MWC_Mich,

Welcome to the Swinger's Board! Always good to have experienced Poly folks on here!

S

[mwc_mich]

Sometimes I feel like poly is not as widely understood as the rest of the lifestyle, so it is great to see a dedicated poly section on the site!

[ncmd_couple]

MWC_Mich,

Poly is hard to understand because it effects a relationship on so many levels deeper than just swinging.

S

[lubeteck23]

Hello, me and my wife are interested in the poly lifestyle. But we just don't know how to go about it. We live in a area of Western North Carolina and we can't find any groups or gatherings in this area. We have had an open relationship now for 2 years. So we are new to the idea. If anyone has any ideas let us know. Thanks

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by lubeteck23

Hello, me and my wife are interested in the poly lifestyle. But we just don't know how to go about it. We live in a area of Western North Carolina and we can't find any groups or gatherings in this area. We have had an open relationship now for 2 years. So we are new to the idea. If anyone has any ideas let us know. Thanks

Well, if you're looking on Swing Lifestyle, it might help if you have a couple's profile.

[Cajun2Step]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

Well, if you're looking on Swing Lifestyle, it might help if you have a couple's profile.

It was a surprise to us also to see a male only profile on Swing Lifestyle if you are looking for a poly relationship.

Personally we are not into a poly lifestyle yet, it is more fun and less working at it to just be swingers.

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Laisse Les Bon Temp Rouler

[MIbbwcpl]

We are not poly, yet. We are a married couple, I'm (the Mrs) bi and he's curious. We're open to poly occurring if it were to come up. We're not actively seeking, but if it happens it happens.

[Big Rock]

I'm not yet, but very, very, close. I'm in love with two wonderful Ladies and they are in love with me. I don't know how it will play out, but I'm game for it and very excited.

[wisconsin]

Just want to bump up this thread. Anything or anybody new lately?

I have my own reasons for that and some of you probably know that. Trying to figure out how to make everything work between me, my husband and my BF...

[couplers]

Originally Posted by couplers

Hi, this is Petra. Although I dislike the poly label, I will admit that I am in a poly relationship but hubby is not. The relationship with my boyfriend, Red, began when I was a virgin and continues to this day... Red is devoted to me and is not seeing or screwing anyone else. David, my now husband, knew all along about the relationship and loves me so much he said that if it made me happy, he had no problem with it continuing.... For the first couple of years of marriage David was monogamous (at my urging), then began several serial, no-emotion sexual relationships with other women (also at my urging).

Hello, Petra again. I came across this post and feel compelled to update. Since we found Clair, hubby no longer swings. We are both in love with her. So the four of us are now in a closed poly relationship, although Clair and Red are not sexually involved.

[wisconsin]

Hi, Petra
You have probably noticed my posts once in a while. I can see you mastered very nice quad relationship in your poly family and sounds like everybody is happy.You are a wise,smart woman.
In my situation there are some changes in air and I could feel them. We are becoming closer with my BF, we want spend more time together. I just tear myself apart trying to be in two places same time and pay attention to both without affecting the other.I have deep respect and understanding in my primary relationship and intoxicating chemistry in the other. Hubby is scared that having that much connection with my BF would harm our relationship in general because it will use up too much my emotional resources.
We don't want to be out as a poly to our kids( we have 4 kids from 4-19years old) and extended families. At some point I thought if we will refrain from public affection we could all live happily in the same house,we would just say he is our friend living with us for a while to save up money for downpayment, I guess silly me.
How do I make my husband to share me more freely without hurting him?Do you think they should get together and talk, BTW they are both bi and enjoy exploring each other sexually.How do I move forward?My BF offered going away for couple days together(me and him). I would love to do it but have no idea how to present it to my hubby. He is still very possesive of my emotional part.
What a family huh?
Everybody welcome to participate in discussion...
Thanks. Mrs. Wisconsin

[couplers]

Originally Posted by wisconsin

Hi, Petra
I can see you mastered very nice quad relationship in your poly family and sounds like everybody is happy.You are a wise,smart woman.

Thank you for the compliment, but I have no great wisdom. I attribute our success and happiness to luck that we have found one another to fall in love with and that the relationship pieces just fit (Clair pretty much lives with hubby and me; my bf is a loner that I visit). The only credit to give us in this relationship is that we are all responsible and treat each other respectfully as adults. I don't mean that with regard to sex. It's just that we give each their freedom to do individual things (like buy bottled water when the other thinks it's a waste, etc.). Think of all the couples you know where the guy tries to control the woman and the woman nags the guy.

For what it is worth, I will give you my advice knowing that it may not be worth much. First, take a deep breath and consider how lucky you are to bask in the love of two men that care for you so. (It's a thought that thrills me every day.) I'm sure you feel, as I do, that your love for one does not diminish your love for the other. You need to make certain that your husband feels the same, that your love for your boyfriend does not diminish your love or attention for him. This is not intended to be a ruse or a trick, it is a truth that needs to be communicated and demonstrated.


The idea of going away with your bf should probably wait until later. From what I recall of your posts, you and hubby both have playmates you play with separately and sometimes he joins you and your bf for an MFM and that they engage in bi play. So it seems to me that the three of you spending time together would be the best thing. It seems like most men enjoy the MFM and in that way you can make him feel comfortable that he's not losing you in any way. (I have found it especially satisfying to kiss my husband while he is screwing Clair. It is almost the highest form of love we can give each other - that I love you as you are copulating with another.) Finally, although it may be difficult to have someone take care of the children, try to arrange it so the three of you can go away on a holiday weekend. And yes, definitely have him move in with you, maybe just starting for brief periods of time and see how it goes. It wll be a WONDERFUL family! And when all is going well and your husband is comfortable, your boyfriend should ask your husband if it is OK to ask you to go away for a couple of days. If your husband doesn't like the idea he is left with the thought that his wife is a desirable woman and this guy is overreaching a bit, and NOT with the idea that his wife is the one trying to get time with her boyfriend.


Good luck and keep us posted.

[Toys4T]

I am single,but poly is something I think I can be open to.I do feel kind of jaded about the vanilla singles meat market,and want to find something fun...but more satisfying to me.Also I get hit on alot by "attached" men that are not swingers...and I'm really getting tired of that.If they don't swing...I don't see why I should get involved with that.
I think I could consider swinging and poly,both to some extent.I don't feel I'd fit into bdsm.I do not see myself as totally a vanilla.
One thing about poly or seeking poly-there don't seem to be that many polys around compared to vanilla,swingers,or bdsm enthusiasts...or I just don't know where poly community is in my area.
It feels frustrating looking for poly dating,or meet/greet,or pro-poly religious groups.