Are you Poly?

[clutch]

[quote=StacyCat]Hi, im Stacy and i am poly :-)

Polyfuckery tends to be where I lie, I like my long term relationships, but if I meet someone and want to fuck them then and there, I want to be able to do that. I tend to form quick emotional attachments during and after sex, and need a little emotion in my sex, which is why I have dropped out of the local swinging scene.

I agree with this... and someone said (about swinging) that it's a little like a weekend affair. This is the way it is with us. I don't know if we strictly fit in the definition of poly... we are exclusive with just one other couple (and before that, in CA we were exclusive with one couple out there).

On the other hand, we generally see them for a wonderful fuckfest about once a month (sometimes more, but hardly ever less), and while there may be an occasional purly social phone call or two, there's just not a lot that goes on between our together times, other than setting up the next meeting and associated events and themes. (And when we do get together, we have a lot of fun together besides just the sex.)

So some people might say that's poly while others might say that there's not enough togetherness. We don't really care 'cause we like it.

[Mrgomer]

POLYAMORY
A love relationship involving more than 2 people.

I tend to disagree with this broad definition.
I "love" to some extent, every couple we've ever been with.
Even a few we haven't
I think it's more of a "marriage" type of relationship only one that involves sex.

MRG

[ConnieJim]

We are poly curious,if there is such a thing.In the early days of discussions about the lifestyle,other poly people are who we looked for.
what we found is that poly people are sorta clanish,like the Amish for example.
Swingers tend to live a day to day life,fit in with so called normal society,work ,and raise families.Most people outside of the lifestyle have no idea that they live the lifestyle.
Poly people live in threes,fours,ect.and this daily living style is very hard to keep hidden from main stream America.
Can cause all kinds of problems.Work,kids,financess,ect.So the poly folk have to lie,or live in remote regions,or both.
We would embrace another female in our life.A three person or more loving,caring relationship would work for us we think.
Being able to love more than one person and have a near equal love for all envolved is really all it is about.A two person relationship is a full time job.Adding a third or more makes it two jobs with lots of overtime.But think of the benefits of loving more than one

[ConnieJim]

Originally Posted by Mrgomer

POLYAMORY
A love relationship involving more than 2 people.

I tend to disagree with this broad definition.
I "love" to some extent, every couple we've ever been with.
Even a few we haven't
I think it's more of a "marriage" type of relationship only one that involves sex.

MRG

You are correct.You live with others as if you were all married to one another.Many poly people have open arrangements when it comes to sex,so it can be a little like being a swinger.But you live with the same people everyday.Your friends with benefits never go home,cause they are at home.

[mixtupcpl]

At first we were really afraid of this term and wanted to reject it. We've now come to learn and accept that we are definitely poly. But we are poly in that we like to have an emotional attachment to people in general, and especially people we have sex with. These are very much secondary relationships though and never even come close to the level of intimacy we have with each other (which I dont think is even possible, really, as it has been built over 23 years of full time connection and shared growth)

[ncmd_couple]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

At first we were really afraid of this term and wanted to reject it. We've now come to learn and accept that we are definitely poly. But we are poly in that we like to have an emotional attachment to people in general, and especially people we have sex with. These are very much secondary relationships though and never even come close to the level of intimacy we have with each other (which I dont think is even possible, really, as it has been built over 23 years of full time connection and shared growth)

Mixtupcpl,

You have hit on something that I think it is important to understand about Poly relationships. They are not all the same, and there is no way that you and/or your wife can have the same relationship with others that you have with each others. Each relationship is unique in its own way and has to be embraced that way.

S

[BamaRide]

Originally Posted by Mrgomer

POLYAMORY
A love relationship involving more than 2 people.

I tend to disagree with this broad definition.
I "love" to some extent, every couple we've ever been with.
Even a few we haven't
I think it's more of a "marriage" type of relationship only one that involves sex.

MRG

There is a term that used to be used that I don't see anymore in the lifestyle 'Eutopian'... it is not Poly but moves beyond the NSA verion of swinging. Eutopian is what my wife and I described ourselves as in the lifestyle as we wanted to have a certian level of mutual admiriation with others before becomining intimate with them.

I am this way to this day and always will be. It doesn't mean I wouldn't hook up on the first date, but if I hook up I have every intent in persuing that relationship beyond that one event and do so because I am 'in to' the people that i'm intimate with.

I've had maybe 2 casual fucks in my life? Just not something I'm interested in persuing at all.

BamaRide

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by ConnieJim

We are poly curious,if there is such a thing.In the early days of discussions about the lifestyle,other poly people are who we looked for.
what we found is that poly people are sorta clanish,like the Amish for example.

Man, you need to get out more.

Most polyamorous folks I know are just like most people except that they have more than one romantic/emotional partner.

Some keep the details of their relationships to themselves, some are pretty open about it.

[SecretAsianMan]

I'm not sure if I am polyamorous or not.

I've done both polyamorous & monogamous relationships in the past... I'm currently single and dating (and having sexual relations) with multiple people (and yes, they are all aware that I am non-exclusively dating).

One of my friends says that I cannot be classically defined as either polyamorous or a swinger because I have no primary-partner at this point in time. ((shrug)) Not sure I agree with her definition - but I've never really thought to define myself as polyamorous or as a swinger, either ... so I guess it doesn't really matter.

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

I'm not sure if I am polyamorous or not.

I've done both polyamorous & monogamous relationships in the past... I'm currently single and dating (and having sexual relations) with multiple people (and yes, they are all aware that I am non-exclusively dating).

One of my friends says that I cannot be classically defined as either polyamorous or a swinger because I have no primary-partner at this point in time. ((shrug)) Not sure I agree with her definition - but I've never really thought to define myself as polyamorous or as a swinger, either ... so I guess it doesn't really matter.

The problem with trying to define it is like trying to define what is bisexual.
Are you talking about behavior, or mindset and attitude. There's a lot of people who will have sex with a MOTSS, who do not consider themselves bisexual, and a lot of folks who have never had sex with a MOTSS who do.

Same with polyamory. The question you have to ask yourself is, if you started to develop deeper emotional connection to someone, does that automatically mean you won't develop anything deeper with anyone else, and will back off any others you have? Then you're probably not polyamorous.

If you feel like the fact the you are developing a deeper emotional relationship doesn't mean you won't develop others without sacrificing the first one, then you probably are polyamorous.

If you sort of fall into a situation where you fall in love with two (or more) people at the same time and everything is cool, but you don't really see that happening again, then you may be in a polyamorous relationship, but not be polyamorous in general. Heck, you can be monogamous and love only one person, but that person may love someone else at the same time, so you are in a polyamorous relationship, but yourself be monogamous.

Confused?

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Confused?

Me? Confused? Probably. (*laughing*)

I'm open to the idea of being with multiple partners in a polyamorous relationship (heck, I've been a secondary / tertiary partner to several polyamorous folk over the years) ... but I've never been a primary in a poly-relationship... although if things continue on their current course - I may find myself there soon enough!

(*laughing*)

[couplers]

Hi, this is Petra. Although I dislike the poly label, I will admit that I am in a poly relationship but hubby is not. The relationship with my boyfriend, Red, began when I was a virgin and continues to this day. Red and I did come close to getting married but I moved out when I realized that the day-to-day wouldn't work. Red is not into drugs or anything even slightly seemy, but he is a musician/artist and his life is more up and down than I could see in a marriage. We don't all live together, but I am with him four or five times a week and sometimes the three of us vacation together. Red is devoted to me and is not seeing or screwing anyone else. David, my now husband, knew all along about the relationship and loves me so much he said that if it made me happy, he had no problem with it continuing, no reciprocity expected. David is attractive, successful, Vanilla, and could attract any woman he wanted, so I was both flattered and somewhat bewildered. In addition David gave me the security of being a conventional professional man. It was the high point of my life when we got married. Having a loving relationship with two guys has gone more smoothly than I would have imagined possible.

For the first couple of years of marriage David was monogamous (at my urging), then began several serial, no-emotion sexual relationships with other women (also at my urging). Thinking about, seeing and occasionally participating in my husband's sexual adventures is the non-poly, swinging side of my life. The three of us don't drink, smoke, gamble, or do drugs but we crave sex. The arrangement is highly asymmetric, but also very satisfying and very stable.

[janaandjames]

I think I am poly. It just happened.
We have been swinging about five years. ALong the way we met a man who joined us for threesomes. Gradually, he became a regular visitor. Every wednesday evening he participated in a threesome with myself and my husband.
Sometimes my husband did not participate and I was free to have sex with our friend on those Wednesdays.
Now i see my friend once or twice a week. We even go on outings together.
My husband is fine with this.
Ill have to say I love them both, in different ways.
It would be very difficult if my husband made me give up my lover.
It would be hard to lose either of them.

[sahajacpl]

Is there a thin line between "good swinger friends" and being ploy?
Just a question and no implications.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by sahajacpl

Is there a thin line between "good swinger friends" and being ploy?
Just a question and no implications.

Sure, there's a lot of gray territory. In my opinion it doesn't pay to try to slice things too thinly -- I mean, to try to define terms using bright lines with "good friends" on one side and "poly" on the other. Let people call themselves what they like and perhaps deny some labels that fit quite squarely.

We've been poly. We'd like to be again, but aren't actively searching and aren't expecting it to happen. We're happy with the weaker associations of swinging.