Are you Poly?

[sexyshelby]

We aren't poly (yet) but I can see it as a definite possibility for us in the future. I have always thought that the confines of tradtional marriage and traditional views on love were a little off. He is coming around to the idea of it, but is still a little hesitant. We're both open to learning more about it, so we're here.
Who knows what the future will bring?

~SS

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

I don't know. I love people in general unless they are deliberatly cruel or nasty. The only differance I see in my feelings for my wife and those for my close friends is that I've made a commitment to Laurie. When our close friends hurt, I hurt with them. When they're happy, I'm happy for them. Although I truly do love my close friends I don't think I could make the same sort of commitment to anyone else without compromising my commitment to Laurie.

[bigjohnson2]

Is there still a polyamorous chapter in the Orlando, Florida area? I once belonged to one there but when my shift changed, I couldn't attend the luncheons. I love the poly relationship and hope to find two poly women who share the same love.
HR

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Hopefully it will be, but it's really up to you and others who are poly to make that happen. So if you have something to post please post away and hopefully others will follow.

Hello. My name is Miss Piggy and this is my poly confession.

K and I have been together for 8 years. We've had an open relationship for the past 3 years (I'm hoping I calculated that properly). Our open relationship was defined in the following manner. We were both free to persue 1 on 1 relationships with others that consisted of sex and friendship. We also persued a few relationships together with other singles/couples in a swinging threesome/foursome type set up.

Then, about a year ago, K started up a relationship with a gal - a married gal. They were having a lot of fun together, getting very close... so, in the meantime, her husband and I started sleeping together.

We all became closer and it became clear that the other couple in this story weren't interested in just plain old consentual extramarital sex. K and I had never intended on being poly. We'd both heard of it. I can't really speak for K but I'd sort of written it off as too weird. Then all of a sudden we were being confronted with the issue and it became clear, we were actually open to it. We were developing feelings for our partners. That's about where we are now.
Turns out we can and do have romantic love feelings for people other than each other.
We live as separate couples and we don't really know where any of this is going although we have discussed it a fair bit. I can't say it isn't complicated but it's where we are and we're enjoying the adventure.

I'd sort of avoided talking about this too much here as I too felt like people may not fully understand. But, I'm not actually ashamed of anything about my life and the people I love. Also, I think it is of some benefit to put it out there.

[JacobSky]

I'm currently not poly. In fact, I'm nothing at this time, but single. Still, I have for the last three years been considering this as an option for me in the future.

Around the year 2000, when I was 20, I purchased a small black and white printed magazine in an adult shop called Bayou Swingers. I had read about threesomes before in a few Penthouse mags or in some sex story magazines, but the reality that people were "really" had threesomes and foursomes didn't sink in till I bought Bayou Swingers. I was very aroused by some of the ads. The descriptions of what people were looking for aroused me more than the pictures. I purchased a few of those over the next couple of years then bought my first laptop in 2002. Well, earlier that year, an older male friend of mines that had a computer mentioned the Adult Friend finder site to me upon showing him the Bayou Swingers publication. I had remembered that and was quick to find AFF once online. I joined it that summer and met with my first couple and had a wonderful time with the wife, and good conversation with both of them. I then dated a girl while in college for a year in Texas. I mentioned thresomes to her and she had no interest. Things ended as I returned home to Louisiana. I did nothing in 2004 except for reading about sex and relationships on the net, worked, and took a couple of part time classes. Then in the spring of 2005 I returned to the college, but was single this time. I placed another ad and met with two couples during 2005. I met with one of those couples quite a few times. Also, at the beginning of 2005 I started reading about polyamory. I found just a tad of info about polyamory here. I then found a couple of poly and open mairrage yahoo groups. I also found the Liberated Christians website among a few other poly organizations with poly information.

If I remember correctly, after a few issues of Bayou Swingers, I started to desire to fall in love with a woman that were into swinging. I was awstruck by the wifes that were bi and by the wifes that fancied well endowed men, or both. I wanted to have a partner like that oneday. I didn't just want a bi girl to join in with, but I really liked the open-mindedness of bi women. I've been a kinky explorer sexually......even while alone......for as long as I've been sexually active. Bi women seemed to share my adventurous views.

I had never let the the desire for a LTR with a sexually liberated woman go away. Having met with my first swinging couple in 2002, then being in a monogamous relationship for 2003, I began to wonder in 2004 about true love between swinging spouses (with their own partners) and so on. I also realized that I preferred to really like the woman that I was having sex with, even someone elses wife. I realized that I needed to like them for who they were as a person. I didn't need love per se.

So then, in the spring of '05 I was reading those site on the net that I mentioned above and meeting with two couples during that year for "no strings sex".

With the last couple that I was with that year, I held back from getting too emotional, but I felt the urge. I wanted to be able to be a bit more romantic and touchy feely, and not just sexual. Things ended well, but I moved on. I'm now in living in Texas (JP51 mentioned horses above, that's what brought me here also).

While reading things at the poly groups and websites, I discovered that many different types of poly relationships existed. I learned about triads, quads, V's, and so on. I also read on a thread here how in some situations "some overlap exist between swinging and polyamory". The poly groups admitted that also. Some members there had poly commitments, but still participated in no-strings sex on occasion.

I then learned about polyprimary relationships at about that time. It was said that couples in such a relationship considered themselves to be primary lovers, and all other lovers secondary lovers. The primarys shared finances, homes, childrearing etc..... while they had side relationships with the secondaries. It was mentioned that the husband or wife may feel love for their secondaries, but at the least they were a friend with benefits. Something important about the polyprimary relationship was the power of "veto". Meaning that it was agreed upon ahead of time that the other spouse had the right to veto the other's choice of secondary for an appropriate reason.

It seems to me that this polyprimary setup is quite similiar to having close friends with benefits. It is really just the next step up though in that love, commitment, atatchment, and maybe even pregnancy could be shared. It has been mentioned here and elsewhere that all non-monogamous relationships fall somewheres in the spectrum between pure no-strings sex and deep loving polyamory. I believe that this is the case.

I do not feel that I could be in a quad, triad, or V any time soon in my life. My family would give me an extreemely hard time. A polyprimary relatiohsip would probably suit me best considering my family and upbringing. Also, I still have the desire to focus most of my atentions on one woman. I may be able to share a bit of that with a secondary, but I'll have to see when I cross that road. I do believe that I could share my partner with another man or woman though, without having to have a secondary for myself. This comes from a deeper feeling that I may not be enough to keep one woman satisfied. I fight my sexual and body insecurities with rebellion . Also, I can see how such freedom would add to a woman's life. I would love to share a part of a woman's life and sexuality in that way.

As for me being a secondary while single, and maybe later. I'd be happy to be a secondary to a 30's or 40's sexy married woman. I would really like to have a deep bond with such a woman. I'm busy trying to get a few things started in my life, and this may be the best thing for me till I meet a special woman for a primary.

I was also worried about confessing these feelings here for fear of scaring off a potential "no-strings" partner or partners. I felt the same about mentioning that I've had interpersonal struggles with conflicting beliefs about religion, mostly due to my sexual desires. Yet, I feel that I'm going to tell all now.

[JacobSky]

I'm sorry about the length of that previous post. If that wasn't enough, I'm not finished.

I'd give a polyprimary relationship a go because it would still satisfy my urge to hold one woman above the rest, while I'm also held above other men in the areas of love and commitment. Some experts have argued that this arangement still shares the old "I own you" views, or that the primaries are still too insecure to completely let go and be on a level field with others. Regardless of that, I still desire to be treated a bit more special than the other lovers that my primary partner might have, therefore they would be secondary and not equal. Some may claim that such feelings have roots in monogamy, but I still desire to be charished above others.

[catslaughing]

I think that all emotionally healthy people are poly. We have discussed it and both of us are so alike that if one of us started to get into someone on an emotional level that both of us would be feeling it. Would we prefer to enter into a poly relationship with the right woman? I think we both would choose that over any other situation. But with that said, we do not pursue those types of relationships but rather accept that they could occur, and that we would not fight it.

Hell, if we could find a woman that we were able to feel the same way that we feel about one another with, we would not even need discussion to realize it was right. Love is a healthy and positive thing when it is returned and freely given.

[flkeyscouple]

All I can say is 'WOW' There is a lot of honesty and emotion in this thread. JacobSky, I think you are a powerfully emotional and sincere person, just by what you write. I wonder if I had anything near that sincere and serious running through my head when I was your age

Poly is a whole new concept to me, one that I feel very comfortable with, but haven't put a lot of thought into it. I can't possibly add to anything that others have said, but I like the discussion!

Sarah

[JacobSky]

Thanks Sarah, I'm glad people are reading my reply. I felt that it was too long, but I wanted to share many perspectives.

I want to admit that I can still see where pure recreational sex with others could have its place in my life. Yet, it being less frequent than poly relations would seem to reduce some safety risk, health etc...... And I could get my bareback satisfaction in the poly situation, and not mind as much wearing a condom with pure lust friends. I do like to wear a condom till trust is built and tests are taken in both situations, then going bare is ok with me.

Like stacycat mentioned earlier, recreational sex with swinging playmates may be more enjoyable for poly people when they have their emotional needs fullfilled by their poly relationships.

Some people that you will run into in life will only fit fantasy scenarios. They may not have the chemistry with you for more, so that is the type that you or your poly partner live out fantasies with.....and that's as emotional as things may get with that person. Their involvement in your life may fall anywheres in the spectrum between swinging and poly.

Yes, we don't always need to label relationships or ourselves, but I find that it helps to label things (relationships, ie..., poly, swing, friends with benefits) when describing your thoughts to others on the net.

[flirty]

I have always had a poly outlook on life, but until recently didn't have a term for the way I felt. I do not think that love is a finite commodity; if I did I wouldn't had have 7 children. I love both of my parents equally but different same with my children so why not lovers?

I am a bit of the hippy type; recreational sex can be fun as well as long as all parties are on the same page and have the same expections, the same is true of emotional relationships.

To me the most important thing to making poly work is being totally honest; first with yourself and also with the other parties involved. I always let perspective partners know that I totally love my husband and he will know about any one I date.

[JacobSky]

Originally Posted by flirty

I am a bit of the hippy type; recreational sex can be fun as well as long as all parties are on the same page and have the same expections, the same is true of emotional relationships.

I just realized this summer that I'm quite a hippy, but without the smoke.

You're right about love, it isn't finite.

[SLteeavhe]

My wife and I are in a very conservative open marriage. The open marriage is more for her benefit than mine, because I work overseas and leave her alone for a month or more at a time.

So far, she hasn't really acted on it much aside from one brief affair 8 years ago and a drunken make out session with a much younger guy (gorgeous according to her) man at a company party.

There is one man who might get lucky next time I leave the country, if he plays his cards right.

[cubnamy1995]

We are not in a poly relationship, but we are quite open to the idea. While sex with others is plenty of fun (no, really, it is. I care for you too much to lie), We always seem to want to connect emotionally with the people we are with. This happens especially with women. I think I'm the only thing keeping Mrs. Cubby from being a full-blown lesbian, so we have talked on many occasions about how dreat it would be to have another Mrs. Cubby.

So here is my dilema. I very rarely win an argument as it is now. I don't stand a snowballs chance in hell with two. I am also quite proud of being the only married guy of all my friends to win the whole toliet seat deal, which would probably be revisited. But the idea of loving another woman, not just sex, is extremely attractive to us both. We are each others soulmates, yet we both have more to give. We'll see what happens.

I can picture it now..."You know, I married a jackass. You don't have to tell me! I did too. What did he do? Remember Tuesday when I told him to..."

[Shegomer]

My husband and I started in the 'swinging lifestyle' in june 2003. We met a wonderfull couple (That are our lifetime partners now) we met other cpls in the 'lifestyle' and made other friends. Although we still have other (non-sexual lifestyle) friends, We decide (the foour of us) around a year and 1/2 ago to be exclusive. We bought rings and are wanting to do a 'handfasting' sometime in the near future. We know a priestess who does these ceremonies. Our poly marriage has had its ups and downs as will ANY relationship. Our decision to be exclusive has made our relationship so much stronger. We all love each other and feel as we are indeed ONE. I have older children who know of our relationship and call the other cpl 'mom and dad 2' hehe. They love our kids and we thiers. We ARE a FAMILY. Our only wish now is to make it possible someday to actually be able to live together.

[DraxxeÑkachina]

Yes we are poly, we have some select people who are very close to us in everyday life.