Swinging and Poly-words

[KittKatt]

Hello everyone,

Katt here, it's been awhile since we were active on here due to health and a break from swinging.

My question is this......Could we possibly start some kind of forrum topic for swingers who like the polyamorous lifestyle too?

Ok, there are as many differant kind of swingers as there are poly's.....we are trying to get our feet wet in the poly lifestyle mixed with swinging more or less.

One reason we took a break from swinging was I (the Mrs.) did find it to be fun and all but at least the cpls we met....well it was sort of like missionary.....you meet, you hang out, have sex, leave and may see or hear from them again in the next few weeks or so. Too cold for me. Plus I get an extra spark in sex when I actually care for the person. And again the cpls we met caring is "limited" to friendship only.

So now, with our new goals, we don't really feel like we "fit" in here like we did before.

We know there are alot of poly- sites, and have joined a few....but there is the same thing......they don't call it swinging.....so is there a way to fit us in or a site thats differant?

Any suggestions are welcome and thanked for in advance

Katt

[Mike and Jan]

You are right about there not being a middle-ground between swinging and polymorous relationships.

But I think that there are a lot of couples who are looking for something in between.

My wife and I had experiences with five couples years ago and the most enjoyable, for me at least, was with the couple we knew the longest and liked the most.

Now I'm not saying that I loved this woman, I'd likely never have married her if we were single and dating, but I just enjoyed her so much in ways other than just the sex.

I've heard numerous remarks about swinging and having dates. Well it is dating, together, as a couple. And on vanilla dates, don't you get closer with each other on every new date? So, why wouldn't you in swinging?

There's a big difference between (dating and romance), and ture lifelong married love. I think the dating and romance (at least flirting) is as enjoyable as the sex itself. And I can certainly see feeling some love for this other partner but it isn't at all the same love you feel for your spouse.

And, the longer you know someone the more comfortable you are with them sexually.

I could definitely see two couples, living separate marriages and in separate households, but being best friends for a long time and enjoying sexual adventures together as well.

There's just not much that two open-minded couples who like each other can't experience. And if the two couples are exclusive with each other then it sure makes for a safer environment, doesn't it? Now isn't that a lot of what swinging is about? Experiencing things that a couple just can't alone?

Now, would this be called swinging or polymorous? I'd guess that both communities would say the other.

Imagine though the potential for each of the four to experience foursomes, threesomes of both kinds, and any bisexual activities that are desired in complete safety. Just had a thought..., what a great birthday each could have. Each person could plan exactly what they want for their day!

And as, known, longtime friends it won't be at all suspicious to take vacations together or spend time at each other's homes. Family and other friends would never know about your real friendships if you use common sense in your own community.

Sounds like a nice arrangement and lifestyle (whichever category) to me.

Good luck to you both and I hope you find that other lucky couple.

[WesternSwing]

I feel there really are the two disctinct schools of thought on this: some swingers that freak-out at the mention of any emotions whatsoever and some polys that would never call themselves swingers. Yet these two groups also coincide sometimes. It's like two circles just barely overlapping, you have swingers on one side and polys on the other, and a select few overlap. What some swingers do may be closer to poly and what some polys do may be closer to swinging.

I feel that Mrs. WS and I fit into the overlap area. We don't carry-on poly relationships with everybody we swing with, but it has happened once or twice in the past. And this relationship served its purpose well at the time.

But some swingers are afraid to go there emotionally and some polys are afraid of what they perceive the stigma of being "swingers". The fact is that there is a big group of cross-overs and they are just as right in what they do as the two seperate groups are in their respective worlds.

This was the topic of another thread Loving your swinging partner recently, and you can see the distinct opinions there.

I fully understand where you are coming from, and I believe there is a huge group of swingers out there that are looking for a little something more then just a quick screw. A group that a relationship like what Mike an Jan refer to, which can be very good indeed.

Mr. WS

[KittKatt]

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

You are right about there not being a middle-ground between swinging and polymorous relationships.

But I think that there are a lot of couples who are looking for something in between.

Thank you Mike and Jan, it's very enlightening to hear we aren't "alone" in our ways of thinking and feeling. We aren't "looking" for love per-say, but if it happens, it's a huge bonus in our life as a couple.

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

I could definitely see two couples, living separate marriages and in separate households, but being best friends for a long time and enjoying sexual adventures together as well.

That would be wonderful, especially if they lived next door , but we are also open to singles here, for the reason that so far that is whom I developed these feelings for.....a man who was our first swinging partner, and almost invited to move in with us.....an ex-girlfriend of my husbands. I think that with couples like you said, it would be awesome, but it's so hard to find that kind of connection just for sex, much less more...that getting that 4way spark going is difficult to say the least.

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

Sounds like a nice arrangement and lifestyle (whichever category) to me.

It sounds nice to us too, and possibly like mentioned above, may even lead to moving in together and extending our family to include them. And yeah I guess the category is floating in the middle , but we think it would still be nice of the 2 wonderful lifestyles that are so open minded to enjoying life, whatever that is to each, to not actually claim to only be one or the other,

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

Good luck to you both and I hope you find that other lucky couple.

Thanks again, and we hope to also ! So...is it "Good things come to those who wait" ? Well we'll be here waiting and waiting and waiting etc.... and if it's meant to be ...cool, if not....oh well ...we had alot of fun trying

xoxoxo C

[KittKatt]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I feel there really are the two disctinct schools of thought on this: some swingers that freak-out at the mention of any emotions whatsoever and some polys that would never call themselves swingers. Yet these two groups also coincide sometimes. It's like two circles just barely overlapping, you have swingers on one side and polys on the other, and a select few overlap. What some swingers do may be closer to poly and what some polys do may be closer to swinging.

Hi WesternSwing,
Thanks you for your post . Exactly, and what we see is that each "group" are basically wonderful, open minded people, looking to "add" something that the vanilla life doesn't have.

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I feel that Mrs. WS and I fit into the overlap area. We don't carry-on poly relationships with everybody we swing with, but it has happened once or twice in the past. And this relationship served its purpose well at the time.

So true, just as with meeting anyone, the sexual spark may not even be there, much less the possibility for love. And to be open to it, just feels natural to me. The thought of leaving or no longer seeing someone close that we have developed feelings for, well would kinda detur me at least from even starting a friendship.

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

But some swingers are afraid to go there emotionally and some polys are afraid of what they perceive the stigma of being "swingers". The fact is that there is a big group of cross-overs and they are just as right in what they do as the two seperate groups are in their respective worlds.

Yes indeed, we fully agree and wouldn't it be nice though to have a topic in each lifestyle's forums to talk about "our" way of lifes? Or better yet, to have everyone just join together in one big happy non-vanilla world

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

This was the topic of another thread Loving your swinging partner recently, and you can see the distinct opinions there.

Thanks for the link, I posted some answers to his questions, and found the thread to be mostly like any other on the subject, with a few exceptions of people with less restrictions, and not threatened by the possibility of love. We understand it's not for everyone, and we would never judge either side for their views or rules. To each their own

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I fully understand where you are coming from, and I believe there is a huge group of swingers out there that are looking for a little something more then just a quick screw. A group that a relationship like what Mike an Jan refer to, which can be very good indeed.
Mr. WS

Yeah, a quick screw just doesn't do much for me, the husband is an entire differant oppion there But then again he is intrueged by the options now available as am I . But it is nice to know that others are mid-way floaters as we, so thank you for being honest

xoxoxo C

[Chicup]

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a possitive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

I figured a poly relationship would be more 'equal' in terms of love etc. More like a group marriage, but from the comments here it seems a lot of polys break up after a time. The feeling I'm getting is that its more like 'really good friends who fuck' than a true group marriage.

I guess I felt a poly relationship would be a long lasting one, much like a conventional marriage should be.

[Amanda69]

Again it all depends on what you want and what others are willing to agree to...however a poly couple is not likely to be attending or maybe they do...swing parties and switching partners (multiply)...

They really are two different types of lifestyles...the one is primarily about the accceptance of humans being sexual and sticking to one partner or the attempt to can just cause unnecessary heartache.

While the other is about finding other partners to love and bring into your relationship, short or long term...

They seem to be mutually exclusive of the other...

[KittKatt]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a possitive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

I figured a poly relationship would be more 'equal' in terms of love etc. More like a group marriage, but from the comments here it seems a lot of polys break up after a time. The feeling I'm getting is that its more like 'really good friends who fuck' than a true group marriage.

I guess I felt a poly relationship would be a long lasting one, much like a conventional marriage should be.

Hi Chicup, I just wanted to say on our part that we also feel they would be equal and long lasting, otherwise we wouldn't consider extending our home and family with them.

As far as most seem to be this or that or end in a certain way...well, it really seems that's a chance taken with any and all relationships, friendships or otherwise. But it's a chance "we" are willing to take to find that happiness of truly "loving more" and finding "true" friends and lovers

xoxoxo C

[taomaster]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a possitive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

Here're a good article that sheds some light on different kinds of "open" relationships.

[KittKatt]

Originally Posted by KittKatt

My question is this......Could we possibly start some kind of forum topic for swingers who like the polyamorous lifestyle too?

Maybe I worded that wrong too, we are wondering if it may benefit a wider range of people or couples that's found "floating in the middle" to have a SWING-POLY type of forum topic.

xoxox C

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a possitive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

I figured a poly relationship would be more 'equal' in terms of love etc. More like a group marriage, but from the comments here it seems a lot of polys break up after a time. The feeling I'm getting is that its more like 'really good friends who fuck' than a true group marriage.

I guess I felt a poly relationship would be a long lasting one, much like a conventional marriage should be.

I always thought the same, too. But as Mrs. WS and I have delved deeper into the poly lifestyle because of many of our poly friends we have found that there seems to be a primary relationship (just like in swinging) and then the added person, who never really is on the same level as the primary partner.

We've seen many polys go through several boyfriend/girlfriend situations. They tend to label themselves as polys though because these are not emotionless sex, but rather relationships with real feelings of caring. Whether you could label it the same kind of love as we feel for our spouse (or they do) is a different matter and open to allot of discussion, but there definitely is passion beyond lust there.

I would say that as far as Mrs. WS and I go poly, that is it. We have no aspirations to have someone move in (yeah, explain that one to the 15-year old ), but that doesn't mean that we haven't developed a real relationship with a single; a relationship where we both are friends with this person and have played together as well as one of us seperate.

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie]

I thought I'd bring this back up and see what folks thought. The original question was whether or not there would be enough interest here to support a forum dedicated to polyamory. My thought initially is that this is a swinger site and they are two different things, however they do tend to overlap a bit and if we can have a forum dedicated to fetishes.... then there may also be room for one for polyamory which is probably even more closely related.

I've also noticed of late quite a few topics relating to polyamory, so what are your thoughts?

[jennandjamesinm]

Julie,

I think it's a good idea to have a poly forum. It can be closely related to swinging, and you are right, we have had alot of poly type threads started lately. Maybe a sticky could be placed at the top of the forum as to the differences between swinging and polyamory to help folks out as to what the diferences actually are.

Jenn

[jcbicouple]

We think a poly forum would be great. We certainly don't fit into the poly category, but don't fit the typical idea of a swinging couple either. Over the years, our comfort level and interests have changed. In the past couple of years, we have begun to play separately on occasion, and Mrs. JC has been meeting with a guy on a fairly regular basis over the last few months. While she certainly isn't "in love" with him, and we have no desire or intention to make him a permanant part of our life, or have him move in, Mrs. JC does care about him, and talks with him more than most people she knows. We see this gentleman on occasion when we go out, but have never played with him as a couple. Mr. JC has a female aquaintance that he has become very close to. The relationship is different than his relationship with friends. Although there has been nothing more sexual than a single kiss on one occasion, and the occasional hug, there is a strong sexual attraction, and an emotional bond. There are some business and personal reasons keeping this from being a sexual relationship. If those were not there, the situation would be much the same as Mrs. JCs situation. As with Mrs. JC, he is not "in love", but cares very much for this individual. I guess this puts us in that fringe category. So.....a poly forum would be interesting to us. We'd love hearing others thoughts and insights on alternative relationships.

[good times]

I agree their is enough overlap and the questions come up often enough about it that it might be a good idea to have a forum for it.