Polyamory

[couplewanting50]

Are there any people here involved in polyamory?

If so, is that what brought you to swinging, or was it the other way around?

[EvilMJ]

Very interesting question.

Friends of mine were into Polyamory but when it came down to it I think what they really wanted to do was go into swinging.

[NakedInSeattle]

Tried it once. Liked him - loved her. They said it was gonna be a true triad palyamory and it was fine for a while. But then I realized I was just a 3rd wheel (on a bicycle, no less). When it came to sharing expenses, I was an equal partner. But for almost everything else I would never have equal rights - in everything that came up, it was "remember he IS the husband and you're not." "You don't have the right to do this or that."

If you're thinking of doing this, think again.

Believe me, that was more than my 2 cents worth. It cost me a lot more than that - emotionally and financially..

[Pepper & Drew]

Typically, the swingers here are not very pro-polyamory, but there are a few posters who are involved in a poly relationships. I find it amusing that people are open enough to swing, yet, when it comes to something that they wouldn't particularly want to participate in, they caution everyone from it. I think there are some poly sites, but most of the time, one does not lead to the other....at least from most folks on this site.

Pepper

[WesternSwing]

Although Mrs. WS and I would not clasify ourselves as polyamorous, we do lean a little more toward it then maybe some other swingers. We are pro-polyamory or poly-friendly if you may, and therefore have been accepted into the poly community in our area. We have made many friends in the poly community, we are invited to the poly potluck dinners and movie nights, etc. We also tend to make good friends of many of the people we swing with.

It would seem to us that many couples in the poly community swing occasionally when not involved in a poly relationship. We also see allot of these relationships as transient since there is the primary relationship and the additional person. My ex-sister-in-law and her husband was in a poly relationship with a lesbian gal, but finally she had to end it. This gal lived with them, slept in the same bed, had sex with my sister-in-law, BUT, her husband was pretty much left out of it. He wasn't getting anything out of the relationship situation and I think some jealousy was starting develop. We've seen similar situations in other's poly relationships, also.

Mrs. WS had what I would consider an poly relationship with a single male last Fall. We would all play together and she saw him solo also. She definitely had a crush on him. It was kinda' cute, acutally. But, he fell for the wife of another couple that are friends of ours and they have been involved in a poly relationship since last November, and it has worked well for them so far. Now the heartbreak comes because they are moving for a new job and he has his life here and is staying. It's gonna be bad for him for awhile. But, who knows how long it would have lasted if they had stayed. Maybe it's better to end this way then badly down the road?

I agree with Pepper about wondering how some who are so open to swinging can be so closed-minded about poly relationships. I think this relates to their personal fears, though.

I personally feel, if it works for you... good.

Mr. WS

[intuition897]

WesternSwing brings up many interesting points. To be honest, Mr. intuition and I haven't discussed how we feel currently about polyamorous relationships, but we have in the past. We decided then that it wasn't something that we're interested in; the potential for stress, drama, and fallout were much higher than the perceived benefits. Swinging fit the bill rather nicely though.

However, we had both said that if either of us was interested in starting up another LTR with someone else, we were both okay with that. It just isn't something that either of us has the interest in pursuing. So, I guess, like WS we are poly-friendly.

EDIT>> Oh yeah, I meant to mention... I think the only reason we would avoid playmate(s) who were poly was if we felt they were unable to understand how swingers operate. If they were unable to separate love from sex, and they began having emotional expectations of us that we simply don't have the capacity to meet, then that would be a definite problem. It would only work if they fully understood that we do NOT feel the need to deeply love our sex partners.

[Menage_a_Trois]

We are a polyamorous triad, consisting of a married couple and a live in girlfriend. All of us were involved in the swinging lifestyle before our poly relationship started. We are all still currently active in the lifestyle, sometimes as a triad, sometimes as just a couple, due to work/life obligations.

We (the three (3) of us) view this relationship as a three (3) way marriage, all equal and all united. There has never been a time that I ( the other Mrs. Ménage) have felt like I was a third wheel unless I made myself feel that way or allowed outside influences to make me feel that way early in the relationship. Mr. and Mrs. Ménage have always gone above and beyond to ensure that I have been an equal part and never an after thought. Like any marriage or long term committed relationship, we have found what works for us financially. I have never felt like I was obligated, expected or required to do anything other than the right thing or my share financially. For us this IS a marriage between the three (3) of us. It is truly amazing to us, that in a lifestyle based on open mindedness and acceptance for things outside the “norm”, how little acceptance and understanding our relationship receives. We will be the first ones to admit that a poly relationship is not for everyone, just as swinging isn’t for everyone.

But what amazes us is how many people we know in the lifestyle, who tell/ask us on a regular basis some of the following…. “I/we just don’t get it”, “is this really what you want?”, “are you sure this is for you?”, “are you sure Mrs. Ménage is ok with this?”, “are you sure The Other Mrs. Ménage is ok with this?”, “when we see just two of you together it seems kind like you are having an affair”. And our all time favorite and the question we get most is “who sleeps where?” or “who decides who sleeps where?” No matter how many times the three (3) of us tell people we are all ok with everything, we all are on the same page with this, they just don’t get it.

Frankly, we feel the reason most people don’t get or understand our relationship is because they are afraid of what it could mean if they thought that they or their SO could love another equally. It seems most are very uncomfortable with that due to insecurity. Again we are not saying that this type of a relationship is for everyone, it is NOT.

Other than people not getting our relationship, our biggest frustration is the number of people in the lifestyle that consider me (The Other Mrs. Ménage) to be a single woman. I find it not only disrespectful to all of us, but insulting to me that I would leave my life partners out of a play situation. I am not a single female, I am their wife. Despite popular belief this isn’t only a sexual relationship (YES the sex is beyond awesome facelick ) but this is a much deeper relationship than just a physical one. But for us it has been nothing but natural.

And for those who do wonder about the sleeping arrangements, we have a nice little building out back for Mr. Ménage we have affectionately named “Chateau Bow Wow” (a.k.a. the dog house :slam")…….LOL…..seriously it has never been an issue, sometimes all three of us sleep in a big king-size bed, other times one of us just wants to crash out and wants to sleep alone, other times we take turns, it just works out. We are more than happy to talk about our relationship in depth – just email us and ask us – we didn’t mean to go on and on soapbox, but wanted to get you some clear information on what our relationship is for us. As far as the lifestyle goes, we are having an awesome time with it and hope it never ends………..

The Other Mrs. Ménage ……

[catalina8591]

We were involved with polyamoury for awhile but what we found wasn't about relationships, it was about organics. My SO and I are "OH MY GAWD" meateaters, my So is also a feminist redneck who is a builder of million $$ houses... To be accepted in the poly community here you must be Kumbaya organic vegetarian anti-construction welfare recipient who lives off grid in a shack.... We totally got the cold shoulder because we didnt fit

I got pretty bitter about it - duh can u tell? I found swingers to be more honest about sexual wants and didnt care if we ate a steak. MY SO was pretty much of the opinion that he just wanted to be able to F*** and then go home with me and get some sleep.... LOL....... He didnt want to have to have a ton of conversations about issues and boundaries when he was working 60 hours a week. Did I also mention that he gets up about 5 Am and is off to work - the organics were gettign up at 9-10 Am and had no concept of him needing sleep.

Thats my take on it!

[DiverDwnNC]

Know what you mean about the endless boundary discussions.

We tend to be more straightforward too. Let's have a few drinks together, fuck if the chemistry's right, maybe go hiking or diving or out on a boat together to flesh out the experience, but why dissect things over and over and over again?

And we've had this conversation many times - swingers are much more relaxed about things. It's a big world, and there's room for everybody, but this seems to be a much better place for us...

[catalina8591]

Thats it exactly!!

-Cat