Warning: Potentially Dangerous Topic!

[RNDNV]

Originally Posted by xxoticangel

We are not as cold as we were in the begining. Our first few single male partners were jokingly refered to as "dildo with a pulse".

Even a dildo with a pulse has feelings, which we should expect from existing as a human being. Empy, I wish to acknowledge and support your feelings, and I think your instincts are not only sensitive, but mature as well. I suspect that there isn't one single man in the lifestyle who wouldn't relish being in a working, lifestyle oriented relationship, and being single in the lifestyle is just one of many mechanisms available to find the genuine and special human connection that only sex with another person involves. Frankly, "getting it" is a very real human need, and some need it more than others, and unfortuately, a lot of the single guys in the lifestyle are truly on the outside looking (longingly) in.

For any person, male or female, to share their body in a loving and nuturing way is a gift. I firmly believe that we, as humans, are not designed to be sexually monogamous, however, we are also designed to seek what I would call "primary pair bonding." We all want that "one person" who we can share our lives with, raise children with, grow old with. One person who knows all our inner demons and secrets, and who loves us unconditionally regardless of the same. I don't think it is a biological accident that almost to a tee (+49% men, -51% women, approximately) human birth rates run almost equal.

A new science called "evolutionary biology" (along with recent discoveries in traditional anthropology) continue to show that humans are "biologically designed," and therefore "driven" to seek primary pair bonding, all the while being "driven" to seek sexual partners beyond their primary pair partner. This is not a paradox, its how we are built!

Those of us who live and breath the Lifestyle feel so at home and comfortable with what is going on and what we are doing, yet we know that we are "swimming against the current" of the traditional mores of society in general (the vanilla world). The paradox isn't that us swingers are doing some thing "wrong," the paradox is that the "straight world" is all screwed up.

Continuing to love you all,
Yours truly, Mr. RNDNV (your resident swing guru)

[montresor]

I'm asking if we don't think we "love" our regular swinging partners in ways we probably never thought we would have when we first started this.


Well, we've had some interesting experiences along these lines ourselves. My SO, with whom I swing and with whom I also have a "trad" open relationship (if there's anything trad about that at all) have found that different things can happen. We meet regularly with a single guy, about whom she has no major feelings except "Wow, he sure can do it long and strong!" She completely loses herself in the pure physicality of the moment, but there's almost no emotional residue beyond casual friendship. She did meet a guy, however, with whom she had a 2-year affair and her emotions got so involved it was like her mind was a blender. Very damaging to our relationship but not because she was in love but because he was a "problem guy" -- ardent and distant at the same time, hot sexy dates with him declaring undying love and lust (and catering to her submissive SMBD side) and then weeks of silence, with vague intermittent contacts along the lines of "And you are...?" Got her right in her addictive/obsessive mode.

She's since had other loving relationships which don't feature that and are perfectly healthy and fine and seem to nourish our own relationship, so it can either be good or bad.

I have a playmate with whom I've been intimate 1-on-1 for 6 or 7 years, and we have never been "in love," but we're perfectly comfortable with expressions of love such as you might find between a man and woman who have been sexually intimate and know how to pleasure each other so well. Once she said, "Uh-oh, I feel the L word coming on." I told her go ahead, and it was fine. Like Inuit's range of words for "snow," there are all kinds of love, most of them salutary.

[JimWActg]

I firmly beleive that you can love more than one person at the same time, so this is a very possible sitiuation to me.

More so as my previous wife and I had a relationship with a women, who was a long time friend of hers, before we met, that progressed from friends, to best buds, to a threesome to her moving in with us for a couple of years.

That couple of years were a fantastic time of warmth and security for all three of us. It ended becasue the other womans children thought she needed a man of her own.

But what impressed me most from this experience is what a fantastic set of circumstances were involved in making this work for the three of us.

Think of all the complexities of a relationship between two and then mutliply them by three of four. Whew!

I think that this is more of something that you luck into, luck finding your mate, than a something to plan toward.