What's Love got to do with it?!?!

[4sum]

Two questions:

(1) How many couples out there swing exclusively with one other couple? And if so;

(2) Does the realtionship ever cross the infamous Love line?

Here's the deal. We've been pretty much an exclusive 4sum for about 2 1/2 years. Fairly early on we decided that we were willing to make an emotional commitment to each other as well as just having a good time physically. We're intelligent professional people as far from new agey granola chewers as you can get, and haven't been seeking to "replace" our spouses. It seems to work pretty well, and hasn't been an incredible imposition on our relationships with our spouses since we keep it all in perspective. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar situation.

[ciscosv]

My wife and I do not really put forth the effort to seek out other couples or swinging partners so I cant be of much help to you. There just dont seem to be enough hours in the week.

I will say that your 4sum relationship sounds FANTASTIC!

[JustAskJulie]

Sounds like your relationship is crossing over into the polyamory stage and out of the general swinging stage.

While they are closely related they are seperate species and I think that most people do try to seperate them.

I know that for us, love is something only between the two of us and if feelings like that came up for someone else it would definately be a problem.

[4sum]

While they are closely related they are seperate species and I think that most people do try to seperate them.

Actually having done some lurking over on some poly boards, I'd have to say that's a bit of a generality. Certainly, there are flavors of poly that are separate species, but there's a significant segment of the poly community that swings too, as there's also a segment of the poly community that have "open marriage" arrangements too, and some segments that are a-sexual in whole or part.

I think we're just trying to get an idea how common or uncommon our arrangement is because it doesn't really fit into the realm of the most common poly arrangements.

I know that for us, love is something only between the two of us and if feelings like that came up for someone else it would definately be a problem.

Hmmmm... I think that's true for most couples. But I also think that there's more to our relationship with our spouses than just love. There's respect, compatibility, and a whole network of little agreements and understandings and history that make up a relationship which basically can't be replaced unless we decide to replace it.

I think not risking to make that depth of connection with others is a choice we make as well. Certainly there are advantages to keeping relationships outside the marriage at some distance, but there are also advantages to not keeping that distance. In the end each relationship is unique in it's depth and duration. Just trying to get a handle on what other people's experiences have been.

[ciscosv]

swinging? polyamory? species??? Is there a new phylum for this?

[sportync]

I've not read too much concerning the polyamory thing but as far as sharing our relationship with others is concerned, my wife and I probably reflect some of the major differences commonly found between the sexes- and, yes, I'm generalizing here, so I hope I don't offend anyone. Generally speaking, MOST men can get a hard-on for nearly any sexy, good looking, curvy female and if the opportunity presents itself, dive right in with both feet. The ladies, on the other hand, seem to need something more than dashing good looks and a charming smile before they are ready to open themselves up to sexual activity. After all, it's their body that is going to be penetrated and most women have been taught from birth that "good girls DON'T do that sort of thing" unless there are deep feelings envolved. Therefore, my wife needs to feel very comfortable with the other guy and interestingly enough, she needs to feel that the other woman desires me as much as I desire her before she feels comfortable with the situation(did that make any sense?). Due to the safety concerns, she also wants to limit our activities to a select few that also limit their activities to a select few. She was never one to screw around a lot, and hasn't had a lot of sexual partners(she was pretty young when we met), and although I could happily jump into a room full of naked, wreathing bodies and screw to my heart's content, I'm quite happy to limit our play to one or two couples that we really click with. Sportync