Monogamous Swinging

[wildwife1010]

We are going to step out of the mold and tread new and unexplored territory so to speak. We have decided to enter into a monogomus swinging relationship with a friend of our. What we mean is that we will only play with him and he will only play with us. We hope this will help to ensure the safety of all of us and make for a enjoyable relationship.

[good times]

That sounds a lot more like a polymory relationship than swinging to me. It works for some people, others it doesn't, so my guess is it really depends on you and the 3rd person.

[Vespertine]

Dito to good times.


For me, a relationship like this wouldn't work. I would be too worried about emotional attachments forming. Just make sure ya'll keep good, open communication. good Luck!

[ALilOEverything]

I've seen it work. One of my good friends growing up had parents who lived in a triad so it was her mom and dad and her mom's boyfriend all living together. They lived like that for years. She even had a child by the boyfriend and they all raised him. For as far as I know they will still be together and that would make about a 17 year relationship like that. They do have the emotional attachment, and that's what makes the difference between polyamory and and swinging.

If it works it will depend on how well you all communicate and work together. I do believe it can be a positive thing that could work out. I might not be for me but I think it's a good option for those who prefer it. All you can do is try and see where it goes. Good luck!

[couplefromma]

We have been in relationships like this with another couple. We would only swing with them and they with us. They didnt live with us and this led to threesomes and foursomes and some very interesting swapping ideas because the trust level was very high we were willing to go further then a normal swing.

The only attachment that happened is we became great friends and even after we stopped the sex ( the other wife decided she didnt want to be part of the lifestyle anymore) we are still close in other ways.

[talltxlady]

This is a definitely interesting thread. My hubby (hytril) and I haven't started swinging yet, just very interested. Our original plan was for monogamous swinging with a couple that we trusted. Does this kind of thing NOT happen as the norm?
As total newbies, and just trying to get into the lifestyle, I'm just wondering. Does swinging mean trying new partners / couples all the time, or about developing relationships with another couple, swinging, being friends, and then staying friends if moving on to swinging with someone else?
Or is swinging what you want it to be? If you are looking for the great friendship with wonderful extras , that's what you seek. And if you are wanting to just party hardy with a different set each party you attend, you go for that???

Still trying to figure this out.
talltxlady

[wildwife1010]

The big for for is is friendship and trust. We have been trying very hard to find someone or a couple that fitts this mold. We feel like being good friends is a essential ingrediant to swinging.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by talltxlady

As total newbies, and just trying to get into the lifestyle, I'm just wondering. Does swinging mean trying new partners / couples all the time, or about developing relationships with another couple, swinging, being friends, and then staying friends if moving on to swinging with someone else?
Or is swinging what you want it to be? If you are looking for the great friendship with wonderful extras , that's what you seek. And if you are wanting to just party hardy with a different set each party you attend, you go for that???

Still trying to figure this out.
talltxlady

Swinging for You is what You are comfortable with and what works for YOU! Nothing more and nothing less.

What Laura and I do does not work for many and I know for a fact that what many here do would never work for us. That does not make us wrong and them right, just means that swinging is what makes you happy and works for you. We are all different and doing what others do or say is not the way to do it.

Follow your heart, use common sense and enjoy your life to the fullest in your own way.

[wildwife1010]

I am so sorry about the major typo. I ment to say that the big thing for us is friendship and trust, Im sorry

[vacplis4lovers]

Frankly speaking, I think you will not succeed. It appears to me that either one or the other is having preferences that go beyond just the desire to swing. In that case, there is a relationship in the budding and eventually will cause either one or the other to have reasons for jealousy. The real value of swinging is in the detachment of feelings that can surface when familiarity breeds other intentions.

[EvilMJ]

I am not sure I totally agree wtih vacplis4lovers I have swung exclusively with one couple before (I know that is not the same as a single guy) and we never worried about emotional attachments other than friendships as we loved our spouses.

I can't say how it would be with a single guy, but if you love and trust your spouse then who knows...swinging is like eating a peanut butter cup...everyone has their own way of doing it that works for them

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Follow your heart, use common sense and enjoy your life to the fullest in your own way.

Could not have said it any better than this.

I am sort of surprised that the poll is running neck and neck. If the people involved are comfortable with and enjoying the arrangement, I can't imagine why it wouldn't work. Monogamy period works for some couples. Certainly more sexually "wild" - a monogamous swinging relationship could work just fine.

I would point out that there is a difference between a poly relationship and an exclusive arrangement. Poly involves deeper feelings, where as typical swinging (even exclusive arrangements) would involve up to friendship. There is certainly a higher risk in an exclusive relationship that emotions might become involved, but that doesn't say that it is inevitable.

It isn't for us - we like the flirting and chasing part of life. But if that is a "set up" that you enjoy - then go for it!

Spoomonkey

[hytril]

I think it can work. Provided that everyone is on the same page and nothing is assumed. I can not control who I fall in love with, only what my actions are. I have feelings for many people, on many levels. Now that does not mean I want to have sex with every one of them. (or can/would for that matter ). With my relationship with my wife it is becoming where we are basicly 2 faces on the same coin. I can't and don't want to imagine my life without her. Swinging is a only a way to fufill some fantasies and make friends. We have already discussed a lot of things cocerning swinging and high on the list is if anything is not comfortable for both of us it stops, we discuss it and move forward. Forward might mean anything from wild orgies to no more swinging. In the end its our choice made together. I think the biggest problem in swinging comes when people assume stuff or fear what might happen to thier relationship if someone says no to something. I feel that any arrangement can work as long as everyone involved is open, honest, accepts, communicates and follows what they have agreeded to. Not saying over time things can and won't change. I might be totally wrong but life did not come with a manuel. and with that I will step off my soapbox . Thank you for attending.

[akamgaxoxo]

Wildwife-Yes, I really do believe it could work for you. My husband and I decided to do this with our male friend. For a number of reasons..and of course yours may be different all together. We chose to do this because our schedule is very packed, and to try to "fit" in others and make it work all around we thought would be kinda stressful, also we pretty much know and trust his sexual background and by keeping it monogamous we are hoping that and other contact with STD's will be kept to a minimum. However, from what I have read here, our relationship differs in the fact that we do find him to be a fairly close friend....we keep in contact regularly. And you may or may not wish to do this. I know that he enjoys both my hubby's company and mine sooo..that's not been a problem so far. HOWEVER, I will tell you from time to time, jealousy has come up on the third person's part. This is a biggggg no no for my hubby and I as we have never ever worked on jealousy in our relationship. I discussed this with my friend, and I understand all his view points, but since I have my heart with my hubby solely...his jealousy is really unfounded. Keeping an open and honest communciations with all will prevent things like this. And just remember if at any time it becomes to much for you, you can certainly end the friendship or give yourselves space by maybe including others in your play.

Best of luck!

[couplefromma]

Like we said in our first post this has worked for us and we have been successful at it. Many couples who want to get into the lifestyle want to feel comfortable having sex with someone other then their SO. We feel this gives us the ability to trust the fact that they are disease free since the only other people they are having sex with is us and their SO.

We have seen this work for alot of couples looking to expand their sexual horizons for the first time who want to make the leap but are scared too for alot of reasons. All the couples we have spoken to in the past few months have actually asked if a monogomous relationship with another couple works.

It also lends to more fantasies being fulfilled. Both husbands giving the wives their own 3some or swapping houses or going away on a trip together. It has created a sense that when one of us needs sex with someone else we can just call or stop by and something could happen.

It last two years for us with one couple. We were monogomous with them and the sex was every other weekend or so. We played together in the same room and in different rooms because the trust was there. And the 3somes were fun and would happen all the time when one of us was over the other house helping do something like install air conditioners or move a dryer.

I think we all get what we want out of this lifestyle. To say it wont work is unfair. There is no correct way to swing. Swinging is a method to expand your sexuality and sharing it with your SO. Its where everyone has enjoyed the sexual moment and the trust can build for even more enjoyment.

And we made some very good friends out of this. Which is what we wanted also.