Monogamous Swinging

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Could not have said it any better than this.

I am sort of surprised that the poll is running neck and neck. If the people involved are comfortable with and enjoying the arrangement, I can't imagine why it wouldn't work. Monogamy period works for some couples. Certainly more sexually "wild" - a monogamous swinging relationship could work just fine.

I think the reason the poll is neck and neck is because of that big "if" that has to be applied to a yes answer. The more optimistic among us will answer yes because of the possibility that it will work and the more pessimistic will answer no because of the possibility that it won't.

[talltxlady]

Thank you couplefromma. It sounds like you have what my hubby and I are searching for. While definitely looking to expand our horizons, we've been trying to learn our way. One of these days (hopefully soon), we'll start finding couples that think like we do and find one that is a "good fit" so to speak. Who knows where our fun will take us. I am SOOOOOO glad we found this website for an open, honest place to find some answers and advice.

talltxlady

[WesternSwing]

The problem I see with monogamous swinging is that it is closer to polyamory than swinging. There is a huge chance of emotions outside those typical of swinging developing, and unless this is okay with both parties, jealousy and other issues will follow.

I also imagine that this friend is single? So what's in it for him other than a piece of ass? Eventually he is going to want to see other women, or expect more from you to fulfill his emotional needs as well. Is it fair to him to tie him down to just you? You have your spouse, he has nobody but you, and you aren't available except for sex.

So in my opinion, unless your ready to go toward polyamory I'd stay away from it.

Mr. WS

[Alura]

We've only had monogamous relationships with two other couples. Both were ongoing for years. There were no problems with the relationship and polyamory was never involved. Both friendships ended because of issues the other couple had that were not related to swinging.

It's interesting to me, however, that we were not too distressed, mainly because the sex had become rather "old hat." One time when we were driving home after a play date, I asked Mrs. Alura, "How was the sex this evening?"

"Just like 'old married folks'," she replied. I think an exclusive relationship with another couple can result in boredom like many married couples can. In this case, though, I think the boredom was more related to the other lady's desire to play in separate rooms most of the time. We won't be allowing that to happen in the future.

We've never played with single men and doubt we ever will, because we think emotional involvement (on the part of the playmate) in such a case might be more likely. Polyamory is not for us.

Mr. Alura

[hytril]

I think a lot of it depends on what you want to get out of swinging. some just want to live out their fantasies. Some want a close personal relationship. Some want it all the time, others dont. I would hazard a guess it all boils down to as long as everyone in the swinging group is ok with what is going on then its ok. And if not it needs to change before blowups happen. Its not like once you agree to whatever that you are locked into a contract like a cell phone. It just take people honestly expressing what they want and desire.

[viper31631]

works great for me

[munk33kitt3r]

There's no right or wrong comment i can give you, just that only you guys can make it work out and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

[akamgaxoxo]

So how's this working out for you, it's been a couple weeks and I was just curious??! Not to be nosey, but since we are doing the same kind of thing ourselves, I would love to compare notes with you.
I have a few questions for you....Have you encountered any other issues? Do you also go solo with this guy from time to time? And if so, does this make the feelings hot between you and your hubby later on? facelick When you got into this "monogamous relationship" did you also determine whether you might be giving your friend emotional support too? Or also how often you would like to see your friend for playtime and otherwise?

I will tell you our experiences so far, and this may help you....would LOVE to hear yours!

As you already know, the jealousy thing did come up with our friend, we nipped that in the bud right away....don't do the jealousy thing at all! My hubby and I did decide that every once in a while I might go solo with my friend. My hubby is very interested in hearing all my dirty details! hehe <EG>
As far as emotional support/attatchment....I was wayyy more comfortable giving this to my friend, and he gave the same to me. This was something I had to talk and talk with my hubby about. At first he didn't feel willing to share me in that respect with our friend...but he saw how much I really wanted that part of the relationship, and he knows very well that my emotional involvement will not affect our loving marriage that we have built together. Also to end this little novella...lol we decided for ourselves that maybe seeing our friend once or twice a month is sufficient...I would love to say more, but I have a life, a life with my hubby, my child and my very good vanilla friends and the rest of my family. It is very important to us that we still make time for those things as we do not want to lose touch with each other!

Please feel free to share with us!

[HotMoCpl]

We would rather the relationship be monogamoous for just that reason..safety. That is our goal.
Cheers.

I'v been a bad, bad, bad wittle boy. -Elmer Fud

[Alura]

Our reasons have been the same, HotMoCpl. We've never played with more than one couple at a time. We would be amenable to adding a third couple in such a scenario, but have never found one. As long as the six didn't play outside the group, the safety would be just as secure.

Alura

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I also imagine that this friend is single? So what's in it for him other than a piece of ass? Eventually he is going to want to see other women, or expect more from you to fulfill his emotional needs as well. Mr. WS

An excellent point! And when he does become involved with those other women, how do you expect him to explain to them the role you and your husband play in his sex life? Sooner or later he's going to have to lie to somebody...and you're assuming it will be them.

"Monogamous swinging relationship" is an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

You're asking this guy to devote 100% of his sex life to you, in exchange for about 5% of yours. It might work for a month or so, until he gets bored or lonely. Then he's gonna realiize he's the one getting the short end in all this, and move on.

[invisibletouch]

As a polyamorous married couple I say it can work! It's working quite well for us! Our parters are single so the success isn't based on it being only because we're with another couple. It does take work, understanding and a whole lot of communication to make it successful.

Here's a link to some FAQ on polyamory in it's many forms.

Hope it helps you better understand that just as in swinging there's different degrees of polyamory.

http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/FAQ.html

[newmajor00]

Nope, the Monogamous Swinging course of action wouldn't work for us. We met a very nice couple once that wanted to form an exclusive relationship for various reasons. We had to decline. We have too many close couples we enjoy having sex with to limit it to just one.

[graygo98]

Would it work for you? Sure, if you follow VegasLee's wise words.

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Follow your heart, use common sense and enjoy your life to the fullest in your own way.

For us, though, Mr. Spoo said it best. (Wish I knew how to put two quotes into the same post). We enjoy the flirting, the thrill of the chase, new adventures. Why limit ourselves to one other couple? And, wouldn't there be the risk of bruised egos and unmet expectations? I mean, if you even danced or flirted with another couple at a club would there be hurt feelings or drama? Don't need that. Life is complex enough.

BTW VegasLee, we've really enjoyed your in-depth interview. Thanks for sharing.