What are your rules?

[JustAskJulie]

Hopefully, everyone has rules set before they jump into the lifestyle. So what are YOUR rules for swinging?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Stratecpl]

Julie,

We really don't have many rules, and those we DO have are very simple. First and foremost, we do everything together as a team. If one isn't in agreement, neither does anything. We do same room since we enjoy watching each other perform.... and that presence often heightens our partner's levels of excitement and pleasure. We communicate our ideas and thoughts, and any decision made is one in which we're both in agreement of. NO JEALOUSY allowed, either!!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 08-11-2001).]

[JustAskJulie]

Any rules regarding safe sex?

[Stratecpl]

Julie,

Safe sex is automatically understood in our household. It's a "WILL-DO" or "NOT AT ALL" deal.

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

BTW --

Our rules for swinging? The usual, no means no, we swing together and ONLY together, condoms for intercourse with others (non negotiable), J doesn't allow another man to unload in her mouth, she doesn't allow internal penetration by another man's fingers (unusual, but the result of an injury caused by an insensitive male shithead our first time out), we both have to want to with another couple rather than just one of us, no excessive boozing during encounters (we don't find either vomit or beer breath stimulating), we never swing on first meeting, no anal...

The list may seem long, but I suspect the majority of swingers share at least some of them. The most important factor for us is an acceptable comfort level, where we both feel we can open up sexually with the other couple. Case in point, we met with a couple last week, and while we have some reservations, we're willing to explore the possibilities further. They say they are as well, so time will tell. BTW, this is the couple where she's only 4'8", but she did wear heels when we met.

Dan

[Flori_DAMAN]

Having attended hundreds of swinging parties, and had sex (unprotected) with well over a hundred women I have never had a problem with any STD.

My current wife and I have never done a full swap with another couple and when we do I am sure that we will use common sense and trust our instincts and will certainly not use rubbers, oral dams or a space suit.

Now, if you are a hard core swinger and you fuck people you never met you are a fool if you do not use protection. So call me a fool. If my wife said ok, then Id do it again in a heartbeat, but she is a victim of the chicken little syndrome just like half of the posters in this forum.

But the risk factor can be put in a realistic perspective. The odds of contracting an STD are pretty slim if you consider all decisions of your activities.

Some of my best friends have been hard core swingers and I am not judging them, but I am not worried about them either. They are much more likely to get sick from smoking, drinking, and driving than having sex.

Driving your car puts you at a hugely higher proportional risk than having unprotected sex. That means that all you rubber users and oral dam users should never drive your car except from to and from work. Don't drive it to the movie theatre, to family get togethers or any other activity that is not necessary. Do not take baths because more people are injured seriously in the bath tub proportionally more than having lifestyle STD's caused by recreational sex. If you truly beleive that you do not take unnecessary risks then don't climb on a ladder, go water skiing, hunting,swimming, jogging, bicycle riding, or rock climbing. Avoid food that is prepared by anyone else because they may not take the proper precautions (especially at an outdoor barbecue).

If you do get a STD then take antibiotics or whatever the doctor recommends and get rid of it, for crying out loud, how many people have ever contracted aids from swinging? There is ONE documented case and that was documented after a thorough study. It happened in Minneapolis with a gay man that had anal sex with a female at a swing club.

A friends daughter (17) came home with a case of chalydmia...spelled wrong im sure. She took some pills and is fine now.

The rules that apply to swinging should be first of all that you go at the slowest persons pace. In my case it is Tam, she is REAL SLOW lol....but thats ok. We have a great sex life anyhow and she is talking about going further at some point.

She is afraid that if I have sex with another female the other female will enjoy it too much. I take that as a compliment and do not push the issue. She is very strong on friendship and it is difficult to get her to trust you. I find that to be a strength and respect it. Sooner or later she will find a female that she feels comfy with and then we can experiment more. We have had soft swing with other couples but it kind of turned her off. So be it.

We have two guys that we do threesomes with, one we use rubbers and the other one we dont. That is because one comes in her vagina and the other prefers her mouth.

Some people will blast this common logic with scare tactics that make me yawn. The sky is not falling and people are not dropping dead from unprotected sex.

Statistics are so misleading. Millions of people have aids ok ok ok...Millions of people have cerebral palsy too, and millions of people have multiple schlerosis, cancer and liver disease.

I am sure we will have occasional sex with other couples but im also sure i will never use a rubber, cuz i cant feel what is going on when I use one. So I am willing to take that risk. I won't buy a lottery ticket because the odds are so damn slim for me to win it isnt realistic. Millions of people have won the lottery though. Do you know any? Millions, thousands,hundreds...zillions: these are stupid and misleading numbers. Look around and ask people if they know anyone that has ever gotten aids from swinging.

As the song goes "call me irresponsible", but don't try to convince me that unprotected sex under careful circumstances is a big risk.

Aids statistics have dropped dramatically, do you read that in the headlines daily? No, you read how it is increasing...but they dont tell you that it is in the third world where people have every immune deficiency you can think of and rampant malnutrition plus untreated syphylis, ghonorrea and open sores all over there bodies! It isnt newsworthy. If aids were a factor in the lifestyle then youd better beleive it would be on top of every newspaper in the country. The do-gooders and naysayers, bible thumpers and chicken littles are frustrated as hell because of that fact too. To hell with them anyhow.

This post is way too wordy but I have been reading so much crap that I had to say all of it. Go ahead and attack my blatant ignorance if you like but if in doubt then wear a freakin rubber if you can stand it, then there is no problem.

OH WAIT...rubbers arent fail safe....lmao. Better wear two of them.

Here come the stories about rubbers breaking...just like the stories about how seat belts kill people...how many times have you heard that one...people say..."if i had a seat belt on i would have been killed in that accident". Hogwash, most of them are making it up anyhow or they just think that they would have been killed. Seat belts do in fact save lives (mine included), rubbers are a nuisance.

Rules for couples concerning safe sex as well as other concerns should always be designed for the partner that has the most worries about that particular subject, be it disease, jealosy, or the type of sex one feels comfortable with.

Happy times, John

We do threesomes with two men currently. One we use protection with and the other one we don't. The one we don't loves to come in tams mouth and we feel no need to use rubbers for that. The other one likes to come in her pussy so we do use rubbers there.

We would like to find a couple that is compatable with us. Very compatable. And that is just plain hard to find. We do not spend much time looking however and are sure that it will come along one of these days, or years.

I have known dozens of people that have been in the lifestyle and had oral, vaginal, anal and every other type of sex and never contracted a STD.

I have known three couples that have had terrible car accidents however. Including myself by the way.

I smoke also. And I drink booze. Sometimes I drive my car too fast still.

I know of no one that has ever contracted aids. I mean personally. The true statistics are that intravenous drug users get aids, and pass it on by having anal sex with others.

It is not hard to figure out if someone is irresponsible if you really get to know them.

To go to a club and have sex with people you don't even know (or meet them on the net or in a bar etc.) is risky behavior and you better use protection in that case.

[lycioos]

I guess I get around a bit more. I know 3 people who have HIV. One is a gay man who likes to party and was a swinger. One, contracted it in his teens from drug use, which he quit after he married, then found out his faite, so he doesn't count as far as swingers go. The third was a 17 year old boy I met from a friend. It was her son. My Mom (who also has MS) and Uncle have herpes. (My mom is a swinger - my uncle got drunk one night and hooked up with the wrong girl.
I think some people can get away with being risk takers, while others wind up being a statistic.

[LostInFlorida]

Some people also forget that you can also get aids, herpes and who knows what else from blood transfusions. That will be one thing i will ask a person about.
They have found that people who give blood at that time show no signs of any STD's. It lays dormant for awhile , then it can kick in.
here in Florida, there are so many older people coming up with Aids, a lot from transfusions. they love giving them here , more money in it for them i guess.
how does anyone know if they are carrying anything ? even from years back.
you can never be too safe.
It is a gamble. you hope the other person is truthful enough to tell you.
I quiz them on several things, and first we want to be friends so we know them some , enough to maybe make a decision.

Mike's wife Donna

michigancouple,

Fuckin A! (Means I agree)
I have said nearly these same things in other posts on this board and I also get tired of hearing all the alarmist zombies but I just really did not feel like typing all that out. Good job.

I understand that you are saying everyone should take precautions, but don't freak and get insane about it.

CyberHusband

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 08-13-2001).]

[lycioos]

michigancouple, you said "the other one likes to come in her pussy so we do use rubbors for there." (refering to one of the men you have threesomes with.) That my friend is a form of safe sex.

Originally posted by michigancouple:
.....Here come the stories about rubbers breaking...just like the stories about how seat belts kill people...how many times have you heard that one...people say..."if i had a seat belt on i would have been killed in that accident". Hogwash, most of them are making it up anyhow or they just think that they would have been killed. Seat belts do in fact save lives (mine included), rubbers are a nuisance.

.....To go to a club and have sex with people you don't even know (or meet them on the net or in a bar etc.) is risky behavior and you better use protection in that case.

Regarding your "seat belt" comment...My relative was SAVED by NOT wearing his seat belt in a car accident that he was in! The other 3 passengers that were wearing their seat belts, DID DIE in that crash. He was the ONLY survivor. It happens...And I hate "statistics" too!

As for meeting others on the net...ALL couples we've met so far (over 30), were from on the net! Hubby & I met on the net. Is it "risky behavior"? It's a risk that we take, like everything else that you've mentioned here too.

As for all of us, who continue to search for that "perfect" couple or singles that have common interests, it all depends on how much patience you have in getting to know one another BEFORE deciding on taking that "risk" or not. If they're a risk factor, then WE decide not to take those risks, and we plainly won't have ANY sexual relationships with those in question. To me, that's also another form of "responsible safe sex".

It's OUR choice and we live by it!


CyberWife

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by michigancouple:

If you do get a STD then take antibiotics or whatever the doctor recommends and get rid of it, for crying out loud, how many people have ever contracted aids from swinging? There is ONE documented case and that was documented after a thorough study. It happened in Minneapolis with a gay man that had anal sex with a female at a swing club.

Nice in theory.. but since not all STD's can be cured with antibiotics (take Herpes for example, and STD that 1 in 4 American's have or will contract), it doesn't really hold water.

And even if you could just take antibiotics to get rid of whatever you have.. who would want to say 'don't worry if I get something I'll just take drugs and get rid of it? To me that ranks up there with people who say, oh we'll just get married now and if it doesn't work we can always divorce? Or who cares if we get pregnant we can always have abortion. Just because there is a way to fix a problem.. doesn't mean you should take on that problem just because there's a way to fix it.

Also you have to consider the number of STD's that while they may show no symptoms on YOU, you can carry them (Herpes again is one of these) and give them to others. While many of these may not be all that harmful to the person who has it, maybe annoying or irritating at most, if a woman contracts it and is having any sort of outbreak with it during pregnancy or labor it can cause MAJOR complications for the child.

I won't condem anyone for their choice not to use condoms (obviously you and your wife practice safe sex to extent based on your statement that the one guy who comes in her pussy wears a condom), but I won't swing with you. That's just my choice.

Like I've said before everyone makes their choice on what risks they are willing to take and everyone draws the lines at different places. No one should judge anyone based on their choices or where they draw their lines. But they do have every right to set their own boundaries and rules and stick by them.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[LIZA]

MANY rules here.............


No intercourse or anal with others, no oral to completing (swallowing) if I have a cut or have bitten my tongue the we dont play.........Also I avoid any form of latex (condoms, vibrators, etc) becaue allergy leaves me really raw so I imagine suseptable(?) to "invasion"

[This message has been edited by LIZA (edited 08-13-2001).]

[Stratecpl]

Oral dams and space suits??? I can just imagine me, choking to death on a damn oral dam!! No way, man! If it's too bad to eat without this oral dam, then it's too bad for me to be playing with!!

Space suits?? LOL That sounds kinky!! How about a French Maid outfit for her and a Chippendale's outfit for him??

OK, enough humor for now, let the wars commence!! lol

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by LIZA:

No intercourse or anal with others, no oral to completing (swallowing) if I have a cut or have bitten my tongue the we dont play.........Also I avoid any form of latex (condoms, vibrators, etc) becaue allergy leaves me really raw so I imagine suseptable(?) to "invasion"

You do actually finish the (blow) job.. you just don't swallow right? As in you pull him out when he's about to cum (or he pulls out whichever). You don't just leave these guys hanging do you?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com