What are your rules?

[findtime]

Our rules are few but strictly adhered to by both of us.

No kissing.
Same room only.
Condom for intercourse.
I'm going to add for the sake of clarity (I had always considered it a "given" but apparently it's not) no bodily functions, pain or child/animal oriented anything.

The rest is all good, baby. facelick

[HotMoCpl]

We're still getting our "stuff" together, but have come up with a few.

NO mean NO.
Comdons/protection ALWAYS.
Always same room.
Married couples only.

Other then these.....SHE's the boss. Surrender

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by new2uu

I am very new to this but I found it extremly uncomfortable when I asked my husband about our rules to play he was very slow and unsure of any! At that moment I was sure if we played again in the heat of the moment he surely would not remember.

You may want to hold off on playing until the two of you have a little better communication and decide what kind of rules you want. The best thing to do would be to browse around the board here and get ideas (this thread) for what other couples do and establish. Rules and boundaries are for your protection from STD's (always use condomns) and for your relationship as a couple (i.e. same room).

Just some suggestions, the main thing in this lifestyle is COMMUNICATION between you and your spouse. You both need to feel safe and secure when you are in a play situation.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[midnight hour]

We are new but the rules are not that long. Not as long as some peoples I know of.

Protection
No anal except with Mr. Midnight
No pain or icky stuff..water sports etc., not our thang...
I will be treated with respect...i.e. not be called nasty names or treated like a ronco pocket pussy.

We allow kissing, oral, I swallow..etc...so these are not taboo with us. Pentration is allowed...
We both must be in the mood, and click..we both have veto power...no questions asked as to why someone vetos someone.

I am sure if something happened we were not comfortable with out of the blue we would discuss it asap.

Midnight Hour

[RNDNV]

Ditto to almost all of the above, and to add one: not sure if its a "rule" as much as a preference, we like to start and warm-up with each other before we transition into swap.

[adventureUS2]

Our rules seem to change all the time. The more comfertable we become with this life style the less rules we seem to have. We will stick to the obviouse condoms, no pain, unless requested, ect. But as far as same room, diffrent rooms, together, alone all of this evolves as we become more experienced.

I guess I did leave off a few that I thought were a given as well:
No children or animals (We stick to over 21 yrs old)
No pain unless I ask for it!
No body functions (Do I look like a toilet?)

[tweedle]

Back when my first wife and I swung...

1) Absolute veto power without question either way (like Home Depot's no-haggle policy)...

2) Same room only (leaves no areas for speculative jealousy)...

We did OK.

Uncle Sam separated us long-term, which led to marital demise.

[24play]

Here's ours:

1. Same room only
2. No pain
3. Condoms if we do a full swop
4. I rule - but if one of us aren't happy, then it's a no go
5. Don't arrange for dinner on the first date. - coffee or drinks

Simple and effictive.

<EG>

[DBL D]

Rules change all the time. It's whatever you are both becoming comfy with. We never talked about whether we'd swing with a couple who were'nt married..but we have. They are fun and committed to each other and we'll probably see them again.

Try to give each other some latitude to do what you feel is ok as long as it isn't a cardinal rule.

Male D

[Purple]

Question to those that have said only married couples... do you mean "legaly" married, or just in a longterm commited relationship type married??

I have several friends that have been together nearly 10 years, but are not "married"...
if you knew swingers like this, would that put them on your "no" list, or are you meaning no b/f & g/f couples??

I'm quite surprized to see howmany people save anal for their spouse. It makes me more comfortable to be able to tell people that is one of my rules.

[24play]

Long term relationship is fine.

[ready2play]

Thanks! We fixed this. this board helped alot we picked the ones we knew would work for us.Not too many.
same room
condoms
afterglow petting is reserved for each other
We talked in depth about NO and also things that can be discussed at the time.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by Purple

Question to those that have said only married couples... do you mean "legaly" married, or just in a longterm commited relationship type married??

I have several friends that have been together nearly 10 years, but are not "married"...
if you knew swingers like this, would that put them on your "no" list, or are you meaning no b/f & g/f couples??

In a couple on couple situation we're happy to play with couples who are in a stable relationship - the length of time that relationship has been going on is less important for us than its stability.

At the club it's a bit different, not surprisingly. There rarely seems to be the time to go into the background in quite so much detail!

CB

[MrSnozzberryBlu]

Good question!

My wife and I have pondered this particular point for quite a while.

The most important thing is to make sure that no matter what your profile says, that before play everyone knows what to expect and respect.

Our profile had so many rules that at one point it was almost pointless. I guess you could say that it became intimidating to anyone who might want to view it. That is not good.

By all means set rules that are most important to you and your spouse. Things that are minor or turn offs can be discussed prior to meeting or playing. By doing this you will get more responses and more opportunities to meet possible partners. You don't want to scare anyone off who may feel that the possibilities are too slim that they meet your criteria.

Also, what you may feel should be a rule because you don't know these people, may not be an issue after you meet. There have been several couples that my wife and I have felt less restrictive about after meeting them. Pictures do not always capture the person. Personality, connection, comfortableness, and trust may override rules before they even come to mind. It is really something special to be able to lay your rule list down after meeting a couple and feeling so comfortable that they no longer apply.