Swinging with Kids in the House

[EternallySingle]

Wouldn't even think about it. If I knew kids were at home I'd leave. This has actually been a problem in "straight" dating as well. I have a hard time bringing myself to have sex with a woman if her kids are home, especially if I haven't met them. The thought of a seven or eight year old waking up from a nightmare to find me in bed with his or her mother is almost stomach turning to me.

I won't lie and say I haven't done it, but several times I've woken up the next morning and some kid's at the end of the bed saying "Who are you?" or "You're taller than mommy's last boyfriend". Thats not a good feeling to have and I can just imagine what would be going through a kid's mind if they caught two or more people with mommy and daddy. Try keeping them from talking about that at school, or keeping child protective services from deciding the parents were unfit.

[J&T Indiana]

Originally posted by Trish
I think its actually sort of a turn-on to do it while the kids are asleep, the risk of being caught makes it so naughty,lol.....

The only time we've done it while the kids (who are 2 and 7) were awake was the time we did an impromptu 3some with the lawn guy, which is a loooooong story,lol.

Ok, I'm sorry but that's just SICK. If you are turned on by the fact that a CHILD could be HEARING or SEEING you in a sexual encounter, then you need to see counseling and FAST. Especially if it's with someone other than your spouse!

As for us, we never swing in ANYONE'S home, only at the clubs. But if we did swing at home, NEVER EVER EVER with kids around.

Plus if there's kids sleeping or in the other room, you can let go and have FUN. Based on the loudness coming from the rooms at our club, contantly, all night, I can't see how you CAN'T wake the kids up.

I know my wife and I have a hard time keeping quiet on our own!

[bccpl77]

We would rather not have any kids around. We've always arranged for an overnight sitter for our daughter. Once we had an encounter at a couples house with their kids there because they were only able to get a sitter for the evening and not overnight. We went out for drinks until the kids were in bed then we played in the basement. It still felt wrong and nevermind the fact that we couldn't let loose and make noise. We felt like we had to be sooo quiet. Needless to say, dates off if no sitter. It's not worth it if you can't just enjoy yourself.

[WesternSwing]

No way would we play with kids in the house. And we don't play at our house anyway. But then again, we always have kids there so it isn't even an option.

For us, part of swinging is getting away from the kids and everyday life to be with adults for fantasy fun for just a little while.

But most of all I'd be terrified that a kid would get up for a drink of water or something and BAM! there we are in all our naked glory, mommy and daddy (in either couple) not with mommy and daddy...

Mr. WS

[omneesx]

Our personal experience has been quite the opposite of what's been described here so far. The couple we knew that have kids first of all introduced us to them before we went out for our first dinner together. The kids were 2 and 4 at the time. They left them with a sitter. Afterwards, the kids were asleep when we returned from the restaurant, the sitter was escorted home and we had a wonderful sexy evening from our end not acutely aware that the kids were in another room. When we asked, the couple assured us that the kids tend to resist bedtime but ended up sleeping soundly and whatever noise we made behind a closed door would not bother them. These two toddlers never made surprise exits from their room after bedtime or gave us cause to wonder if they could hear. Something else we should point out is that our relationship with this family was enjoyed on other levels aside from swinging. We saw no ill effects on the children or on any of our return visits and were suprised to find that the kids enjoyed our company and would ask their parents when our next visit was.

To address the fantasy aspect of swinging, this has never been one of our goals. Rather the focus has been to enjoy really nice, open-minded, sensual people without the limitation of monogamy. For us swinging is not an escape from anything.

Our biggest concern is that most people feel that with or without "getting caught" by children, the activity in their presence is wrong. Is this a projection of the idea that at one time, their parents were swinging in the other room without their knowledge or that swinging will somehow damage the children, or more simply, they themselves feel swinging is bad?

We do not feel that swinging or the sight of sex in itself damages children. The damage comes from a misrepresentation of sex by their caregiver. Children do not develop sexual dysfunction, it must be taught to them somehow. Through inaction, lack of information, over-reaction, wrong information or any combination of these.

We'd like anyone who feels differently to explain.

A & L

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by omneesx

Our biggest concern is that most people feel that with or without "getting caught" by children, the activity in their presence is wrong. Is this a projection of the idea that at one time, their parents were swinging in the other room without their knowledge or that swinging will somehow damage the children, or more simply, they themselves feel swinging is bad?

We do not feel that swinging or the sight of sex in itself damages children. The damage comes from a misrepresentation of sex by their caregiver. Children do not develop sexual dysfunction, it must be taught to them somehow. Through inaction, lack of information, over-reaction, wrong information or any combination of these.

We'd like anyone who feels differently to explain.

A & L

My wife and I have never really been concerned about getting caught together by the kids. Of course we lock our bedroom door to prevent it, but our two oldest are old enough to know what is going on (we have a early teen, a pre-teen, and a toddler, all girls) and that we have sex and it is enjoyable for us. We are very affectionate around them, always kissing and touching. We share long drawn-out kisses in front of them. The oldest tells us to "get a room".

We've had "the talk" with the oldest which included that there is nothing dirty about sex, but she should wait until SHE is ready, and preferably out of high school, and ALWAYS use protection. We don't expect she will wait until after high school (neither of us made it to our senior year as virgins), but we hope she will.

Even the pre-teen has known for years the mechanics of how babies get here. Our kids know that they can ask us ANYTHING and we won't lie to them.

A toddler won't understand, or even remember tomorrow, if they saw mommy and daddy, so it's not a big deal. But older kids do. It's one thing for a 10-year old to tell their friends they saw mommy and daddy doing it, BUT quite another to be telling the neighborhood about mommy and daddy doing it with other people, if you get my drift. In fact our pre-teen's best friend's parents recently separated and she walked in on mom with another man just last week. IT IS all over the neighborhood. And although my wife and I don't care, there are those that do. Society dictates that some activities are better kept under the radar.

Mr. WS

[HotCoupleGnS]

Well we have played with our kids in the house before. Of course they were asleep & the people we played with were also friends. Our kids are 1 & 3 now, but they were even younger then. So, they were both in cribs. I didn't see much of a problem with that b/c there is no way to get caught then. We would even play now with our kids in the house with someone we knew & were comfortable with. The 3 yr old is a regular bed, but when he finally passes out around 10, there is no way to wake him up until like 9 in the morning!

But as soon as our kids are old enough to know what is going on, we would never do it!

[NewTemptations]

Never ever with kids in the house...ours or someone elses, sleeping or otherwise!

The only time we have ever made an exception to this rule...we have friends that host an occasional party. They have an 18 month old baby. The party starts well after the baby has gone to sleep, and they get a friend to stay in the room with the sleeping baby. All baby supplies, bottles, diapers etc are in that room so that should the child wake up all is handled. During the course of the evening no one ever sees the baby or the person there to care for the baby. I would imagine that this plan will not continue to work for them once the child gets older and they will start making alternative plans for child care at that time.

Laura

[2neophytes]

Originally Posted by omneesx

We do not feel that swinging or the sight of sex in itself damages children. The damage comes from a misrepresentation of sex by their caregiver. Children do not develop sexual dysfunction, it must be taught to them somehow. Through inaction, lack of information, over-reaction, wrong information or any combination of these.

A & L

Well said!

[2neophytes]

Now that I've finished reading this thread, I can say something more!

Obviously no one wants their kids to catch them in the act. But what I wonder is what's the difference between being caught together (you and your spouse) and being caught with another person or couple?

I guess things on the West coast are different. There are many polyamourous families, in which parents openly share affection with others outside the primary relationship. I have friends who have grown up in environments such as these, and sex, swinging, or any alternative sexualities are non-issues. Sex is a fundamental drive, like eating, sleeping, and using the restroom. If the drive is repressed within a society, that society will face problems.

I would much rather my kids watch a graphic love scene than some of the prime time violence. Our kids watched Rocky Horror with us the other day. But then issues of gender and sexuality are non-issues.

I don't know if any of you guys have ever read Kurt Vonnegut, but there is a scene in one of his books (I think it's Cat's Cradle) at the porn house. What's funny is that at the porn house, the film was a close up of someone easting an apple! Eating fresh fruit was pornographic!

So as far as swinging with the kids around, we've done it, and we don't like the idea just because we're usually in the living room. It's hard to focus when you know you're out in the open. But we're the same way when it's just us. Sometimes we get a wild hair and my partner wants to eat me on the kitchen table, and the kids will be next door playing. They could come in any minute. So it's no different than that for us, really. I just don't like feeling vunerable. I mean, I don't like the kids bothering me when I'm using the bathroom either, so I close the door.

Well that's my 2 cents. I'm sure I'll think of something else after I've logged off.

2N

[Alura]

One evening Mrs. Alura and I were in our bedroom. She was a bit tense after a hard day and I was giving her a full massage, as I often do. I started with a face massage, which she really enjoys, sitting a-straddle of her body. Of course, both of us were nude. Dimmed lights were on.

Twelve walked into the room and abruptly asked, "Oh, Oh! Did I come in at a bad time?"

"No, not at all, Twelve. I'm just giving Mom a face massage. What do you need?" I asked him.

"I left my book in here earlier. Is it okay to get it?"

"Sure," I said, continuing to massage Mrs. Alura's face.

The book, of course, was on the bedside table, about two feet from Mrs. Alura's head. Twelve picked it up, turned and left saying, "Thanks, Mom & Dad. Sorry to interrupt."

"No problem, Son. Anytime!

We continued with the massage. Now, if he'd come in later...

Mr. Alura

[519Couple]

I guess I'm the first person to post here who has been on the other end - when I was a child, I remember one Saturday afternoon when my parents locked themselves in their bedroom with a porn movie and the parents of a school mate of mine. I don't remember what they told me they were doing (although I'm sure the explaination wasn't that they were swinging), but I recall feeling pretty yucky about it.

Based on that experience, swinging while our son is at home (or our partner's children are home) is *way* off-limits for us.

[miacpl30]

We will have a couple over for drinks/dinner, but we just don't feel right having any real fun with small kids in the house, even though they may be sleeping.

[xxoticangel]

We have, but it has only happened a couple of times and always with the same couple. We were friends with them long before we started swinging with them and the kids were used to seeing us all sprawled out on the livingroom floor or the parents super king bed.

I guess I'm the first person to post here who has been on the other end - when I was a child, I remember one Saturday afternoon when my parents locked themselves in their bedroom with a porn movie and the parents of a school mate of mine. I don't remember what they told me they were doing (although I'm sure the explaination wasn't that they were swinging), but I recall feeling pretty yucky about it

My $0.02 here. I grew up with swinging parents, I had an "Uncle Bill" that would visit on a regular basis to "help" with things, sometimes my father was there sometimes not he would sleep in my parents bed just like any friend. We vacationed with people and the kids had one room while the adults had another. This continued until I was 15 or so and I never caught on. There were lots of clues that I recognize now that I'm an adult but I'm just glad my parents had a healthy sexual attitude and I am able to enjoy a lot of things that a lot of people grew up thinking are "bad".

[schafergroup]

As a couple with three boys, 15, 10, 6 and a small house, I can definetely agree with many of the posts here. We are very open with our boys and they can ask us anything and we will always be straight with them and let them find their way in the world with guidance. Since we are so new to this we have never had any experiences that we have had to be concerned about, but for the wife and I, we would never ever do something that would make us nervous about having children in the house at the same time. best to do it at a club or an offsite location if you have children.