Is this your first marriage?

daindenver · 01-16-2004, 12:18 AM

I was married for 17 years to the wrong woman for the wrong reason! Looking back I had no idea what I wanted in a woman back when I was 23 but felt I "needed" to be married. Once I discovered changing the woman was not going to work (damn I was nieve) we had a daughter and I felt compelled to stay for my one true love - my daughter. Unhappy in life I decided to make a change and asked for a divorce. Ironically my daughter told me she wished we had divorced sooner so we all could have been happy. KIDS! Anyway I am now enjoying life as I had dreamed and living the swinging lifestyle is one of those dreams! That is another topic for discussion - dreams we have and those which come true.

Thanks for this forum - I am new here and am anxious to meet you all!

**TNT** · 01-16-2004, 09:32 AM

Hmmm, just realized that I hadn't posted to this thread.

First marriage for both of us, been married 22 years in March, together as a couple for 24 years and have been friends our whole lives...since we were both in diapers, lol.

I do tend to agree with those that said that having been through a divorce helps you understand what went wrong with the marriage and helps you to not make the same mistakes in the next one.

Virtually everyone that Ted and I know, friends and immediate family, have been through a divorce. Having watched these divorces from the outside and discussing extensively with each other what we felt/knew was wrong with the marriage gave us a better understanding of what NOT to do in ours.

Teresa

flyer757 · 01-18-2004, 01:45 AM

Have known each other for 16 years. Married for 10 years (first marriage for both of us). Have had ups and downs along the way....! Time has proved that the love for each other is still growing...

sexypairca · 01-26-2004, 05:06 PM

I'm only doing this once so he's stuck with me for the good, the bad and all the uglies

. First marriage for both of us, eight years and counting, together for about 11 now.

Annette

MattMann · 01-28-2004, 05:58 PM

19 years, but the last 5 or so have been iffy, so divorce could be just around the corner...

wrnakedru · 01-28-2004, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MattMann 19 years, but the last 5 or so have been iffy, so divorce could be just around the corner...

Sorry to hear that, MattMann. Regardless the reasons, and even when it develops to be the best thing for both in the long run, to acknowledge the end of something both have put so many years, effort and energy into is a sad thing indeed.

MattMann · 01-29-2004, 09:29 AM

Very true, thanks for the words of support.

WesternSwing · 06-26-2004, 01:28 PM

Both my bride and I are on our second marriages. We've been together 6 years and married for 4 of them. She was married the first time for about 2 years, and I 11 years.

We both brought some ex-baggage into our relationship (how can you not) in one way or another, but we both know what didn't work in our previous marriages and try to avoid the same stuff. And we've worked through the old bad stuff together.

I really think you do get a better perspective of what to avoid after a failed marriage. Or at least some do. If it were truely the case than the rate for second marriages failing would be much less, not 10% more, than the rate of first marriages failing. This may simply be that many of the second marriages started from the failing of the first (such as in affairs, the case with my ex-wife who is now divorced from the guy she left me for).

But if you enter into a second marriage with allot of self reflection and introspection the next marriage can be much healthier. I know my marriage to Mrs. WS is. Has it made it easier to swing? I think yes. There is an open line of communication in our relationship that was never there in our first marriages.

Mr. WS

easygoin · 06-26-2004, 01:54 PM

this is my first and wifes first marriage...we have been together since we were in jr high...

..we have a great marriage...we have done alot and have been adventurerous(spelling?) anyways...im lucky to have her...

xsurfgrlx · 06-26-2004, 02:04 PM

You know...people should have a license for marriage, not just to get married. It's the same with having children. They don't come with instructions...lol.

Perhaps if we did, we would have far less "practice marriages" and fewer poorly raised or neglected children...

Surf

midnight hour · 06-26-2004, 08:58 PM

Mr.Midnight and I will be married 20 years on July 7th. He was 19 when we got married, I was 24.

Midnight Hour

couplefromma · 09-13-2004, 01:56 PM

Married once. 18 years and going strong.

misterbates · 09-13-2004, 02:21 PM

Married 15...together 20.....first for me 2nd for her....

cumply21 · 09-13-2004, 02:25 PM

We've both been married once, and have been married for over 11 years.

EvilMJ · 09-13-2004, 03:30 PM

First for me and second for Hubby. His first was for 6 years, and we have been married for over five now and completely happy

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View Poll Results: What Marriage are you on?
Never been married/ Single	44	3.41%
Never married but living together/ LTR	44	3.41%
1st Marriage	711	55.16%
2nd Marriage	274	21.26%
3rd Marriage or beyond	80	6.21%
Married once and currently divorced	68	5.28%
Married twice and currently divorced	46	3.57%
Married 3 or more times and currently divorced.	15	1.16%
Widowed, never divorced.	7	0.54%
Voters: 1289. You may not vote on this poll

01-16-2004, 12:18 AM	#31 (permalink)
daindenver Registered Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 6 Location: Denver Status: Single Male	If only I new what I do now! I was married for 17 years to the wrong woman for the wrong reason! Looking back I had no idea what I wanted in a woman back when I was 23 but felt I "needed" to be married. Once I discovered changing the woman was not going to work (damn I was nieve) we had a daughter and I felt compelled to stay for my one true love - my daughter. Unhappy in life I decided to make a change and asked for a divorce. Ironically my daughter told me she wished we had divorced sooner so we all could have been happy. KIDS! Anyway I am now enjoying life as I had dreamed and living the swinging lifestyle is one of those dreams! That is another topic for discussion - dreams we have and those which come true. Thanks for this forum - I am new here and am anxious to meet you all!

01-16-2004, 09:32 AM	#32 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,187 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 31	Hmmm, just realized that I hadn't posted to this thread. First marriage for both of us, been married 22 years in March, together as a couple for 24 years and have been friends our whole lives...since we were both in diapers, lol. I do tend to agree with those that said that having been through a divorce helps you understand what went wrong with the marriage and helps you to not make the same mistakes in the next one. Virtually everyone that Ted and I know, friends and immediate family, have been through a divorce. Having watched these divorces from the outside and discussing extensively with each other what we felt/knew was wrong with the marriage gave us a better understanding of what NOT to do in ours. Teresa __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

01-26-2004, 05:06 PM	#34 (permalink)
sexypairca Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 670 Location: Windsor, Ontario Status: married couple SLS Name:sexypairca	I'm only doing this once so he's stuck with me for the good, the bad and all the uglies . First marriage for both of us, eight years and counting, together for about 11 now. Annette __________________ I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

01-18-2004, 01:45 AM	#33 (permalink)
flyer757 Here to Stay Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 14 Location: asia Status: couple	Have known each other for 16 years. Married for 10 years (first marriage for both of us). Have had ups and downs along the way....! Time has proved that the love for each other is still growing...

01-28-2004, 05:58 PM	#35 (permalink)
MattMann Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 185 Location: NC Status: Married Man	19 years, but the last 5 or so have been iffy, so divorce could be just around the corner...

01-29-2004, 09:29 AM	#37 (permalink)
MattMann Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 185 Location: NC Status: Married Man	Very true, thanks for the words of support.

06-26-2004, 01:28 PM	#38 (permalink)
WesternSwing South of disorder Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 2,824 Location: Utah Status: Male half of married couple	Re: Marriage/ Divorce Both my bride and I are on our second marriages. We've been together 6 years and married for 4 of them. She was married the first time for about 2 years, and I 11 years. We both brought some ex-baggage into our relationship (how can you not) in one way or another, but we both know what didn't work in our previous marriages and try to avoid the same stuff. And we've worked through the old bad stuff together. I really think you do get a better perspective of what to avoid after a failed marriage. Or at least some do. If it were truely the case than the rate for second marriages failing would be much less, not 10% more, than the rate of first marriages failing. This may simply be that many of the second marriages started from the failing of the first (such as in affairs, the case with my ex-wife who is now divorced from the guy she left me for). But if you enter into a second marriage with allot of self reflection and introspection the next marriage can be much healthier. I know my marriage to Mrs. WS is. Has it made it easier to swing? I think yes. There is an open line of communication in our relationship that was never there in our first marriages. Mr. WS

06-26-2004, 01:54 PM	#39 (permalink)
easygoin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 202 Location: TX Status: M.male	Re: Marriage/ Divorce this is my first and wifes first marriage...we have been together since we were in jr high.....we have a great marriage...we have done alot and have been adventurerous(spelling?) anyways...im lucky to have her...

06-26-2004, 02:04 PM	#40 (permalink)
xsurfgrlx Active Member Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 12 Location: Columbia, S.C. Status: Couple	Re: Marriage/ Divorce You know...people should have a license for marriage, not just to get married. It's the same with having children. They don't come with instructions...lol. Perhaps if we did, we would have far less "practice marriages" and fewer poorly raised or neglected children... Surf

06-26-2004, 08:58 PM	#41 (permalink)
midnight hour Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 154 Location: va Status: couple	Re: Marriage/ Divorce Mr.Midnight and I will be married 20 years on July 7th. He was 19 when we got married, I was 24. Midnight Hour __________________ "Your mind is your only box, and only you hold the key to the locks."

09-13-2004, 01:56 PM	#42 (permalink)
couplefromma Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 61 Location: Franklin, MA	Re: Marriage/ Divorce Married once. 18 years and going strong.

09-13-2004, 02:21 PM	#43 (permalink)
misterbates Here to Stay Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 87 Location: State of Confusion Status: M/Couple	Re: Marriage/ Divorce Married 15...together 20.....first for me 2nd for her....

09-13-2004, 02:25 PM	#44 (permalink)
cumply21 Active Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 37 Location: Colorado Springs, CO Status: Couple SLS Name:cumply21	Re: Marriage/ Divorce We've both been married once, and have been married for over 11 years. __________________ Aimee __________________ Want to come play? ;)

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09-13-2004, 03:30 PM	#45 (permalink)
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