What intimate acts do you reserve just for you and your partner?

[twoferfun69]

We are the same as "Happy People" in that we have no restrictions, save condoms. We reserve the bareback for just us. But to be more precise, we will behave to our playmates' requests and their personal boundaries. We won't NOT swing just because their rules say no intercourse, it's just a matter of respect.

[joenmichelle]

the words I LOVE You is reserved for my wife and i....as anything else goes... we are in it for fun i hope that makes sence

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by joenmichelle

the words I LOVE You is reserved for my wife and i....as anything else goes... we are in it for fun i hope that makes sence

I does make sense, of course... but because it makes sense anything that works for the relationship.

Anyway, this has to do with my previous question. As for me, I don't expect her to have sex with someone while imposing some sort of limitation on her feeling about him or her, and the same way, I think I wouldn't be able to enjoy sex if I were unable to express the feelings triggered by the whole situation. In fact, I wouldn't define swinging, for us, as "recreational sex" and several couples here said it is for them, insthead I preffer BLove way to put it "a way to grow togheter" with my partner.

This leads to anoter related tought. Did you see when an adult ask a kid to tell who love him/her the most, if his/her daddy or his/her mommy? Well, I believe thats one of the most cruel questions you ever can ask someone to answer, and certainly I love my wyfe too much as to ask her such a cuestion as for her to compare her love for me with her love for someone else. In the other hand, I am not going to bargain: I am with her because of what I feel about her more than my perception on what she feels about me.

[Tempest419]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

This poll also leads to another question. From the "intimacy enforcement" perspective, how does it works the limitation to perform some acts while other acts are forbiden?...

I have to admit we're very peculiar about our particular contract and swinging. We had a threesome with another woman that turned into a deeph in love relation among the three of us, where we were confident enough as to let any of us to be alone with her, sleep with her alone, well, no restrictions at all. Even when the sexual aspects faded out, by now the love remains and she's our best fried and still we share a lot of time and activities with her. I know something like this is way off limits for a lot of swingers, but I don't know precicelly why.

Perhaps this is an off topic deserving another thread, if so, I appologize in advance.

sereneiders

Hi there...

I think I can see the difference here in what you are asking, and the responses you're getting... you are, or were just previously involved with, a polyamorous relationship. This is the intimacy of which you are curious... this is more similar to what my husband and I are participating in. This is more of a "swingers" board and most of the topics here center around particulars and mechanics of sex and the lifestyle.

I don't think you are by any means odd man out, however... our partner is also my best friend. We are not quite as advanced as you are, as in, they don't have relations w/o me however I am not opposed to the idea under the right circumstances at some point soon. If I were to be the last one working, for instance, in the near future and we have a "date" night planned then I would not mind if they got started... as I will be joining in soon anyway. She is beginning to date again anyway so she feels no need to establish an "intimate" relationship with him exclusive of me. Quite frankly I am uncomfortable with a full blown intimate relationship with them, i.e., I would friggin' torture him if he were to buy her roses on his own. So there ya go... buying 'em roses would be too intimate for MANY people's tastes on this board

Hope that answers more of your question about intimacy...

As for sex, with her we are able to go bareback. However, our rules are

1) No coming in her (he doesn't come in me while I'm off the pill)
2) No anal sex (which suits her fine as she's not into it)

That's all I can think of right now, can't imagine not kissing someone I'm having sex with!

~Tempest

[Tempest419]

PS... the Husband does get sucked off in lieu of coming inside... so he is not left unsatisfied!

facelick

~Tempest

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Tempest419

... you are, or were just previously involved with, a polyamorous relationship. This is the intimacy of which you are curious... this is more similar to what my husband and I are participating in. This is more of a "swingers" board and most of the topics here center around particulars and mechanics of sex and the lifestyle.

Thanks Tempest.

Yep, I've reading recent posts where the term polyamorous bring up, and I agree that is what happend to us, and of course, it seems to be clear the difference between that and swinging. As for us, we're swingers because we're not looking for polyamorous relationships, but we're open for that to happen if the relation evolve that way. And even when in the middle of that relation, there was an explicit agreenment about swinging: with ot without her we were swinging with other people (it was a matter of availability and taste), and she was free to do the same without us, so in some sense, the only that defined the relation as "polyamorous" was the lack of limitation for our feelings among the three of us, and not a commitment between the three of us resembling the one we have as a couple.

So the question that I pointed out was related to how these limits works, wahtever they were, as a possible example: "We don't want another guy to cum inside her BECAUSE Mr. feels her womb is sacred and preserved to him, so if Mrs. get pregnant, it woildn't be a doubt of who the father would be".

The limit alone doesn't speak for who we are, and for me, swinging have a lot to do with who we are, to get connected with other people as deepth as it's confortable for everyone involved (and yep, that's a limit based on respect for each other).

sereneiders

[Tempest419]

So you're asking about the "whys" behind the limits, not the limits themselves.
Well there are several reasons why, and yes many people here probably set limits due to emotions; you seem to be asking why we can't fully emotionally explore others?

As for why do we have those two limits, the particulars of our relationship, they are both emotional and practical reasons, and I'm sure most people here would basically agree with them. (Although there are some open polyamorous folks here, and that's cool too).... as I mentioned I am not comfortable with there being a full-blown polyamorous relationship between the two of them for emotional reasons; quite frankly, we are busy people with a family and dividing up love and intense romantic interest to that extent (on either of our parts) with another person, when it's already limited for us, would make things unpleasant for everyone involved. That is my emotional limit, and his as well. She is in our life for vanilla functions as well, we all make a conscious effort to spend some time together, usually 2-3 days a week with her spending the night here (with or w/o sex) that we both enjoy, and we love her very much... but we also spend time apart. While she is very close to us and our marriage due to the intimacy right now, ultimately, she understands we have a marriage and family, and ultimately, she wants one of "her own" one day and has begun to date again, although I should say she is not interested in dating someone who is not open minded about swinging with the two of us eventually :-).

As for why I don't want him to come in her... some of it is a) he doesn't come in me right now except for certain occasions b/c I am not on the pill. And yes... out of jealousy probably, I don't want him having that fun with her all the time b/c she is still on the pill!

As for no anal, we are probably most like everyone else in that first of all, it's a delicate situation and you want to make sure you can trust the person... it is also indeed an emotional limit, in that we want to keep that one thing "sacred" to the two of us, i.e., sharing it only with each other.

Now... there are a whole bevy of practical issues in fully emotionally exploring a multi-relationshiop, and yes... one of them is practical, and that's the possibility of pregnancy. We had a small scare last month where my bf was a little late on getting her monthly moon, and she had been taking antibiotics for a sinus infection previously... yikes! She was sweating it out and sweet thing she is, didn't worry me with it til she actually got her period and heaved a sigh of relief. Point being... of course I have considered the possibility (there's ALWAYS a possibility of pregnancy with any sex) that it could happen and how I would react, and it's not where I choose to go so I set boundaries and we negotiate. Worst case scenario--while I believe I would deal in stride with such an outcome, b/c children are innocent and these are both people I love, and I went into it with my eyes open--I don't first choose to be a poly household and want all the ramifications of that. Telling the family, and the neighbors, and work... sheesh, no thanks--not my first choice right now.

OTOH, I am more "poly" than a typical swinger b/c I don't keep mulitple partners or swing with strangers very often--I love my bf and my husband, we have known each other years and years, and we have very fond and loving feelings as well as a "commitment" to stick with her only for female sexual encounters.... Make sense???

Funny you are in Buenos Aires, my girfriend is a first born US child of immigrants from Argentina... she just visited family there last January. And is quite the latin beauty :-)

~Tempest

[swingsperience]

Originally Posted by Chris&Amelia

I don't. For some, kissing is considered a very romantic and intimate act. Amelia has no problems if I have sex with a another woman, or even go down on her, but I better not kiss her while I'm doing it!

Same here, I do agree with my girlfriend that french kissing is more intimate than being between someone's legs. I respect that, but personally I wouldn't have problems doing it. However, as in any relationship, it's giving and taking and I find it pretty damn cool that we're into the swinging thing anyway!!!

[sexcatgirl]

i think that i would say that anal is only for my hubby becusse its not for me but he likes it and i only do it for him every thing else pretty much goes but always safe

[NandTfromCA]

I can completely understand the no kissing rule for people. Everyone swings a different way.

I'd like to hear from more of the 110+ respondants that said that's a rule for them. It couldbe that most of them have not had any swinging experience and that is the line they are drawing for now???

For N and I, anything goes accept sex without a condom. And of course the "L" word- we don't say that unless we mean it so if that got said to someone we swing with, we wouldhave bigger problems than an actual word.

To us, we just gotta kiss (we won't impose our views on anyone...we just don't play if it's someone else's rule)...we LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE kissing (oops, did I just say the "L" word?).

T (Mr)

[sexyshelby]

Dito to sexcatgirl. Anal is reserved for my boyfriend. It's not that I don't enjoy it sometimes, but I dont trust anyone else.
Also bareback is only with my boyfriend too. Other than that, it's all fun and games.

~SS

[Better Half]

Safe sex first and foremost. Other than that, the only limits are related to what makes us and the other couple feel good and what does not.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

I'd like to hear from more of the 110+ respondants that said that's a rule for them. It couldbe that most of them have not had any swinging experience and that is the line they are drawing for now???

You may be on to something. When we started, one of our first rules was "no kissing"... It didn't last past our early flirting stage, but we had it. By the time we had evolved to full swap, the "no kissing" rule was long gone.

On the other hand, we do know a couple who have this rule and keep it.

110 voting that way does seem abnormally high. Nothing wrong with having that rule at all, it just doesn't match our experiences in the lifestyle.

Spoomonkey

[Thrax]

Kissing? Although it is very intimate -- since it is face-to-face -- I think it's difficult to separate it from basic sexual activity. After all, it usually is a prime component of foreplay. And usually the most intriguing, satisfying, initially arousing part of foreplay. Not that I am in love with the woman I'm having intercourse with -- the target of my affection -- but I am interested, excited, and looking forward to exploring more with her.

And during face-to-face intercourse, kissing is the secondary sexual link. Some sex therapists say that the most exciting thing for a woman is that when a man realizes how close she is orgasm, he kisses her...the combination of vaginal/clitoral stimulation and kissing is apparently a real turn-on for a lot of women.

I think the intimacy problem might arise particularly with regard to "after" play. Once the screwing is done, during the cool-down period, how much kissing is acceptable? A little tongue-dueling as a finishing gesture and then that's it? A couple of minutes of kissing? What?

Just curious.

Thrax

[keysync]

We have had sex without condoms but only with a couple we've known for 2o years. and both men are fixed. So we even finish inside. However french kissing would not be cool.

Strange rules huh? You can cum inside my pussy but don't kiss me.

I think that's where we take the act into levels. Love making, Sex, and Fucking.
Sex is what we do with friends. Just sex nothing more.