reasons for NOT using condoms

[pairbond]

Originally Posted by Mr. Sparks

I'm curious if anyone here has tried condoms made of alternative materials, such as polyurethane or Tactylon.

I have a playmate with a latex allergy, so we use polyurethane condoms, and they have been just great! I really believe I get at least as much, if not more, sensation with those than with latex.

pairbond

[frenzb4sex]

Originally Posted by eroticsensation

So what? ever heard of getting HIV through drugs.

What does that have to do with anything????? Betty was just citing something that stated that your "rhetoric" was not all that it was cracked up to be just by simply making a statement!!!

Originally Posted by eroticsensation

This is not college, this is a swingers board. Where people talk about blow jobs, anal sex, gay sex, bi-sexual sex, gang bangs etc etc. far form a college.

Yes, because if this was a college you'd have red marks all through your typos, punctuation mistakes, and run-on sentences. Seriously--again--In my view, Betty was not out to make this a "college", but merely making a parallel statement or something that you could see from a different perspective. And actually, your statement is not all that correct. If you would read the areas of the forum, you will see that we talk about many other things OTHER than sex, from where you got your name to what it looks like outside your window to word association games to Reality TV discussions. This board is a just a wee bit more than just "Hey, do you take it up the ass?" To speak in a manner which implies that we don't know what this place is about is disrespectful, to say the least. I don't think you tried to imply that, but I can't be 100% sure, just like condoms can't be 100% safe.

Originally Posted by eroticsensation

Well it depends on the person opinion now doesnt it. I have heard many people say that it makes them sick to think people over 45 actually have sex let alone swing. I am 31 and have spoken about swingers to many a friend and a lot of people actually say that most swigners are over age fat blimps.
now wouldnt you say that comment is stupid? now what does that comment have to do with what paul said? a lot. it can touch home. it can be offensive. why not??? it was to me purely and simply because I know myself if I had used a condom I would have NOT contracted an STD.

Ummmm.......You have heard many people say that it makes them sick....you have spoken about swingers and people actually say that most swingers are over age fat blimps.

1) Now, here is the point--if someone were to say these things to you, hopefully you would say "Why do you say that?" or "Wow, that's a pretty bold statement, how did you get to that point?" In this forum, you came out and just said PaulKing's comments were "amazingly stupid". You offered no input as to why it was stupid, or even the "amazingly" part of it, which puts an exclamation point onto it. One of the greatest things this board offers is a diverse look into people's minds, to be more open and less judgemental about things, to give different perspectives. The very foundation of this is to give these opinions with merit. You have not done so in any fashion.

2) Yes, those comments would be stupid, because just like anything else, they are generalizations and small-minded ideologies that hold no weight whatsoever. It harkens back to racial stereotypes or bigotry that lacks any intelligence in the smallest form.

3) And just because someone says something like that, does that make it right for you to be able to do the same?

4) As for your last statement "if I had used a condom I would have NOT contracted an STD."--Again, you are making an absolute statement. You don't know that if by using a condom you would not get an STD. There's just no way, and that's what Paul and others have tried to discuss openly--that there is no "sure thing". It goes to personal preference, when it comes down to it, and how much risk YOU are willing to take.

Originally Posted by eroticsensation

If someone says something stupid then I see no problem in pointing that out without having to deliver a college thesis on your reasons. I mean we are adults arent we? I know there are some very sensitive people out there but hey we are not in primary school.

Now, erotic, come on, let's be a little more realistic here. Your idea of what may be stupid is totally different from what anybody else may think. And even if you think it's the most off the wall statement, there's a level of courtesy and respect that should be followed at all times. Without this, the board does not function at all. Without courtesy and respect, the LIFESTYLE would not be what it is, period. You mention that we are all adults, but your comments are not what mature adults banter back and forth. In fact, if my six-year old called someone amazingly stupid, he would find his little self in his room for a while!!!

I understand your strong opinion about the condom/STD issue. Everyone here, on many subjects, has strong ideas and some people are not willing to budge on their stances. And that's fine--as long as things are handled in a manner which best suits the board's intent. What you have done is come in here and alienated yourself off the bat for being hypercritical--and at the same time not offering up any ideas other than name-calling!!! I agree that you don't need a college thesis every time you write something about how you feel, but at least back it up with some things that can help us understand why you feel the way you do! We love to hear people's thoughts, no matter how far flung they can be!

Hearty discussion and respect for one another here IS an absolute. So many other groups or discussion boards have fallen to the wayside because of name-calling and disrespect for others that no one either goes to them any longer or the mods just cancel them because of all the heartaches. I ask of you, erotic, please take these thing into consideration. You will find that all of us are willing to listen!!! If you don't, I have a feeling you are going to have a hard time discussing anything with anyone here.

Tim

[wrnakedru]

WOW!

Kudos, Tim, for a well-written, incisive and non-inflammatory post stating your point of view.

WR

[BettyAnnMBSC]

"HIV is a bloodborne pathogen and not an STD (Centers for Disease Control, Bloodborne Pathogens, 1994). Since it enjoys a method of transmission in addition to and exclusive of sexual intercourse, wearing a condom is not an assurance against transmission. There are many many people in the USA who are HIV+ and who did not receive the infection via sexual interaction (CDC)."

So what? ever heard of getting HIV through drugs.

Then by your own process of thought, I should now state that you are stupid? You see, what I wrote in that paragraph says that people get HIV many ways -- for example by using drugs.

I can assume that I did not communicate that statement very well and will therefor will not say that you are stupid for not interpreting my paragraph as I intended it. But if I did say you were stupid, might that hurt your feelings or possibly cause you to not post here anymore?

You see, my point in chiming in at all is to point out that saying "that is stupid" is not very nice. And when you're not very nice, people are not nice back.

I am 31 and have spoken about swingers to many a friend and a lot of people actually say that most swigners are over age fat blimps.
now wouldnt you say that comment is stupid?

misinformed maybe. highly opinionated maybe. an overgeneralization, probably. stupid - nope! I'd ask, "what exactly is an overage fat blimp"? and what do you base that observation on? Then I might explore whether there is any truth in that person's observation.

If "a lot of people say" then it is something that must withstand some scrutiny. Why do a lot of people say? Who are these "a lot of people"? Are they involved in the lifestyle or outside observers.

So, I did explore that statement and found that "a lot of swingers are in fact over 31 years old and many are in fact overweight" at least based upon my cursory review of Swinglifestyle personals. Therefor, if 31 is the mark you want to use for "overage" and "fat blimp" means exceeds recommended height and weight standards then your friends who say this are, at least in part, correct. I didn't count to the exactness to determine whether "most" are involved or just "many". I confine my conclusion to many and contend that your friends are correct.

Then, who's stupid - the person who observes this fact or the one that refuses to acknowledge the somewhat empirical evidence of truth? I contend that facts remain facts whether we like them or not. That just leaves us with the interpretation of facts which lead to opinion. I like opinions -- they help me evaluate facts.

[frenzb4sex]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

WOW!

Kudos, Tim, for a well-written, incisive and non-inflammatory post stating your point of view.

WR

Wow, WR, You mean I actually opened my mouth this time, and didn't do it just to insert my other foot?????

Thanks, chica! Been away for a few days, you know I gotta do SOMETHING!!! :rollseyes


Tim

[JustAskJulie]

eroticsensation,

The problem people are having here with you is not that you have expressed a difference of opinion but in how you have expressed it. Unlike many forums this is one that encourages differing opinions but at the same time we discourage disresepct and encourage courtesy.

It is possible to disagree with someone without calling them names and being disrespectful. Please refrain from such comments in the future as they are not welcome here.

[Avantgarden38]

For some reason the Saturday Night Live quote; "Jane, you ignorant slut. . . " just popped into my head.

Anyway. . . . reasons we don't use condoms.

Lack of sensation. Also being a man of 40, I sometimes have erection issues. Stopping to install a condom can cause enough delay to lose and sometimes even keep an erection. We also only swing with one couple at a time (that we go bareback with) but use condoms for the others if the situation should arise (no pun intended). We have a special bond with the condom-less couple and use that as an indicator of something special with them.

The wife has a latex sensitivity, we use polyurethane condoms if needed.

We know unprotected sex is a risk, but so is driving a car to the store for ice cream. Would you not drive to the parlor for your favorite dip of rocky road for fear of a car wreck? We believe in minimizing our risk, but still try to have as much fun as possible.

[xxoticangel]

Do we always use condoms? No. 90% of the time we use them during intercourse but never use them for oral (yuck!). There have been times that in the heat of the moment we didn't say anything and neither did they. From what we have read the odds of catching HIV from hetro intercourse are pretty small so we take the risk during oral. There is risk in everything in life and if you live in fear you ain't living. I wear a seatbelt when driving, a helmet on the motorcycle and a vest when serving warrants but accept that everytime I drive, ride, or go through a door something can go wrong.

[lcjtsd]

This issue is so interesting! My wife and I prefer not to use condoms as we feel that sloppy seconds are part of the whole experience. Also, she would never do oral on a guy with a condom on. She can't stand the thought of that rubber taste. Everyone knows how difficult it can be to find two couples who are all compatible. Try finding another couple you are compatible with who is not afraid of cum!!!

Enough of that. The point I would like to bring up is this; From what I have read on this Message Board, many (if not most) couples/singles prefer not to use condoms or plastic wrap when giving/receiving oral but insist on condoms for intercourse. Some have stated their reason is a pregnancy issue while others have said they feel this is an intimate thing left for just themselves. OK.

My question is for the others. Why? Why do you have unprotected sex for oral but insist on condoms for intercourse? Please don't flamethrow me here. I would really like to know. If the other couple has anything you're afraid of catching, guess what, you've got it now too!

Now, we're fairly new to this swinging stuff and have only played with a single guy we know very well. We feel that other swinging couples we would play with (late 30's, early 40's) would be pretty much just like us and the odds of them having anything would be pretty low.

We state on our online ads that prefer no condoms. (I guess that's why we don't receive many responses!!!) We are still waiting for our first couple/couple experience.

So, except for the pregnance and intimacy issues, why do you do oral sex unprotected and insist on protection for intercourse? I just doesn't seem to make sense to me to do oral one way and intercourse another.

Mr. LCJTSD

[Vespertine]

We hate condoms.

We don't use one with eachother but must insist when we're playing with other people.

[dc29]

I am not sure where you are getting that condoms do not stop HIV but they do. Condoms are not 100% effective, but they do reduce your chance of getting STD's especially HIV. There are a bunch of STD's that a condom will not stop, that is right, but there are alot that they do. Not useing them ever, is not a safe practice.

[eroticsensation]

Originally Posted by dc29

I am not sure where you are getting that condoms do not stop HIV but they do. Condoms are not 100% effective, but they do reduce your chance of getting STD's especially HIV. There are a bunch of STD's that a condom will not stop, that is right, but there are alot that they do. Not useing them ever, is not a safe practice.

out of curiosity what STD`s to condoms not stop?
I too believe that condoms help greatly in the prevention of contracting HIV and STD`s. But I am curios as to what STD`s they cannot stop.
anyone know?
Thanks in advance.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by eroticsensation

out of curiosity what STD`s to condoms not stop?
I too believe that condoms help greatly in the prevention of contracting HIV and STD`s. But I am curios as to what STD`s they cannot stop.
anyone know?
Thanks in advance.

HPV and Genital Herpes are two I can think of at the moment.

[2neophytes]

So what is this thread about again? Okay, I remember now!

Condoms, yes! Before my partner and I got together, condoms were a sometimes deal. It took a pregnancy and a case of trich to get me to think, oh hey, I'd better use something. That was 7 years ago!

We use condoms with other people. I am fertile myrtle, and I don't do hormones. So condoms all the way. Plus I don't like the feeling of being sneezed on, or rather, in!

My partner and I also use condoms when it's just us. Since we have HSV, if one of us is broken out, we can prevent the other from breaking out. So far, it works!

BTW, we found a great condom, Beyond 7, that doesn't cut off Elliot's sensation and doesn't rub against my skin.

2N

[Allison1973]

Call me conservative, but back when I was NOT using them with my first ever boyfriend, I got pregnant at 18--please never ask about the result. Another reason the have to be used is that NO ONE is worth dying for. The guys still have no problem coming in me with them on. And the one guy who raped back when I was at FSU did NOT use any condoms, and came in me three times. Needless to say, I spent all the next day in the hospital, and I had his ass kicked out of FSU.