Are you a Newbie?

[naughty A]

I stopped considering myself a newbie when other much newer newbies started asking me for advice. (er.. about 3 yrs in or so?)

I still consider myself somewhat of a newbie because I am sort of new to my new hometown and its club, still have to figure out how we fit into this town fully. Every town and club is a little different.

Having experienced much of what the lifestyle has to offer ... now I call my slow pace "selective" rather than new.

Naughty A.

[Brit_Pair]

Given that we've never gone for a full swap, some would undoubtedly consider us out-and-out newbies, regardless of anything else. That said, we've had a number of successful encounters, we've found a level that we're comfortable with, and we know what we're doing within the boundaries that we've set for ourselves. We still see ourselves as people who have just started out, who have room to experiment and plenty to learn. We're anything but 'hardened'. If that's the definition of 'newbie', then it fits here.

[Ashley]

I consider myself a newbie. I've only been swinging for 4 months and I've had a lot of experiences in that time but I'm still not sure of myself. I think I will stop being a newbie when I have the confidence that I can handle any situation that comes my way.
Also, when I quit being ambivalent about being in the lifestyle although that seems to become more sure each day. Still I doubt that if L and I broke up if I would continue without him, though I might look for my new relationship with someone already in the lifestyle.

[WesternSwing]

We've only been in the lifestyle about a year, but we don't consider ourselves newbies anymore. In fact we feel like the mentor to a couple of couples we know. LOL We are still trying figure that out.

Mr. WS

[curiousagain]

Been doing this a little over a year, I wouldn't call myself a newbie, but I am not sure what stage I am at.

[SnozzberryBlu]

Thanks for bumping this up, Julie... this is a cool thread!

To me, the word experienced does not necessarily mean "EXPERT".. lol... we ARE experienced. As newbies we weren't sure how to even get our clothes off! Now, we throw them... As newbies, we were unsure if the lack of jealousy in other areas of our lives would carry over when we saw each other with someone else... now we watch our partner and get off on it.

We can tell another couple we are experienced in that we know what we are doing, we have done it, and the stage fright is gone. Couples we would meet now would have that as an assurance that, provided there was chemistry, we could jump in without second guessing.

Now experts we are not. Educated, yes to a large degree (and mostly due to this board, thank you!). Prepared? For the most part, I think yes. But an expert? To me an expert must have these two talents:

*They would be someone who has learned their brain is the best sex organ, so that on the first night together they can, within a reasonable amount of time, find all your hot spots and drive you wild.. simply because they know exactly what they are doing.
*They would be someone who has a good understanding of people (generally) and all the major dynamics within the swinging experience... providing them both with security in their own boundaries as well as being able to put out small fires before they become infernos.

Are we there yet? No way! Are we going to be? You bet.. because two of our main goals is to accomplish both of the above. I don't know WHEN we will get to that point, but as long as we are steady searching for "enlightenment" and open to learning from others it should not take us eons to graduate from here. Least I hope not!

[ALilOEverything]

I feel like we are still newbies to a certain degree, we do have a few experiences but we've only played once, maybe twice a month and not since November since May so it still feels much like the first time every time.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

As I read this thread and the different things people wrote I was thinking yeah that's us, then I'd read another and think no that's when it happened?? I asked Mr Spoo and he had yet another thing that might have been what made us not feel like newbies

I can't come up with one thing. But I did come up with several . . .

- EternallySingle said it well - the number of horror stories I had were equal to the number of great experiences.

- When other couples or singles ask your opinion or advice.

- When you go to the club and you feel at home instead of like a visitor.

- When you loose that feeling (like a kid with a new toy) that you have to play with someone everytime you go to the club and you learn to watch the red flags and that just being there with friends (play or not) is a fantastic evening.

- And this one is the culmination of all for me. The first couple we got involved with contacted us recently after about a year and we agreed to meet for dinner/drinks. Quick back ground - they've been in the lifestyle for 12 + years, they were our first and we were close friends with them and their kids for about 10-11 mths until there was a misunderstanding over an incorrectly sent email (that's a whole other story). Anyway, going to meet them before and after Mr Spoo and I realized that though we have not been in the lifestyle nearly as long as them (only about 2 yrs) we had a much better understanding of the lifestyle and had grown so much in the year away from them. It is kind of a sad relization but one that tells me I'm not really a newbie anymore, but also that in this lifestyle no matter how long your in it there will always be new things to learn.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Spoo's thread just begs the question.

In your personal view, what is the point that marks someone from being a newbie to that point where they are no longer?

What was your milestone (if you've had it yet)? If you haven't had it yet, what do you feel like will mark that point for you?

I can't think of what my own would have been. I can remember my first swinging experience, I can remember my first swap, I can even remember my first swinger party. But I could not tell at what point I stopped considering myself a newbie - if I ever did...lol.

[KenRachel]

I think I'll consider us to not be newbies when 2 things happen:

1 - We find a couple or woman with whom Ken is comfortable with doing her.

2 - When Ken asks another guy to do me.

Rachel

[ALilOEverything]

I still feel relatively new, certainly not seasoned by any stretch of the imagination. But I started to feel like not so much of a newbie when my heart no longer raced when meeting someone knew and it was just another fun night out. In the beginning I used to feel so anxious that part of me almost felt like I could turn around and go back home, scared to death of making it a reality. I think by the forth couple I was fairly laid back and talked about more than "What if they don't like us. What if I babble like an idiot. What if I have something stuck in my teeth and don't know it".

I don't know what it's going to take for me to feel seasoned. I'm not sure I even want to feel like that. I like a tiny bit of anxiety, keeps me on my toes.

[two4youinswva]

[quote=ALilOEverything]I still feel relatively new, certainly not seasoned by any stretch of the imagination. But I started to feel like not so much of a newbie when my heart no longer raced when meeting someone knew and it was just another fun night out. [quote]
Dito for us. We've been active for about 1 1/2 years now, and while we're comfortable, we still have that "new car smell"

We've learned a lot, and have helped other couples new to the scene, but we realize that in the swinging kennel, we're still puppies.

[bear_and_babe]

We have been in the Lifestyle for 2 years. We started right off the bat with full swap, had been in a exclusive relationship for a few months and we go to a swinger club almost every week. We have done 3somes, 4somes, and moresomes, I (Babe) have done the bi thing and with all of that, sometimes we STILL feel like Newbies!

For us, I hope we continue to feel like Newbies. Feeling like Newbies makes it still feel new to us, and we kind of like that little butterfly nervous feeling we get meeting new people.

[Sweet_Candy]

Do we have to stop being newbies? We consider the journey down the lifestyle path as a continuation of our journey together.

[Chicup]

This is really a great question and I'm not 100% sure of the answer.

We don't think of ourselves as newbies, even if we have not had as many encounters as some, considering how long we have been doing this. We were never 'slow' our soft swap to full swap turn around was 7 days, and we play first date so we can't use that kind of event as a signal.

I guess we were no longer newbies the first time we met a couple for the initial, yes they look like their pictures moment, went back to there place, played and went home without the newbish 'Oh that was so awsome!' talk but instead talked more about what our plans were later that week, what a nice couple they were, and how it would be nice to live in that area, much like we had a good game of scrabble going.

Perhaps being a newbie is more fun