Is there anything in the lifestyle that worries or scares you?

[K&JIntimates]

Our #1-Being outed
#2-Discretetion
#3-STD's

[Lovers4U]

Being outed! My wife's profession is very sensitive to living outside the norm. she can discuss it with patients but no reveal that she and I live poly.

[JustMrJ]

1. STDs
2. Parents finding out
3. Someone getting rough with my wife while I'm off playing in a different room.
(If this ever does happen, I'll probably be arrested for assault, battery and attempted murder)
4. Not having enough fun...

[Malachista]

Falling in love with a playpartner who is not free or free but not willing to get comited.
Pregnancy
Meeting outside of a club and the guy turns out to be psycho

[SnowwwWhite]

I'm worried about people who are in the lifestyle and not in control of their emotions... and fall in love with someone who is attached to someone else. I worry about someone who knows they're vulnerable to falling in love easily but they play in the lifestyle carelessly anyway. That's not swinging, that's HUNTING.

I believe you can control who you fall in love with and can choose to open your heart to a person or leave it closed to them. For instance, I'm very compatible with my best friend's boyfriend and we have an intriguing chemistry. But the minute I met him I "closed the door" on any possible feelings for him. He never was and never will be a romantic option for me. Yeah, I could probably fall in love with him if I let it happen, but I'm a responsible, decent person who respects other people's relationships. Unfortunately I think there are too many people out there who let themselves feel whatever they want for whoever they want, consequences be damned.

This behavior doesn't just worry me. I find it reprehensible. Especially in the lifestyle where it's based on not just the sharing of sex but the sharing of trust. As a woman I wouldn't want to share my SO with someone who isn't honestly there for sexual pleasure, but is really there to find an emotional connection. Am I the only one who would find that disturbing?

To think there are people out there who are "hunting for love" or "letting their emotional chips fall where they may" in the swinging world (under the pretense of just wanting casual sex) scares the hell out of me.

[JustMrJ]

Bravo SnowwwWhite!!! Well said!

*HUGS* (Purely platonic hugs of course... )

[SnowwwWhite]

Originally Posted by JustMrJ

Bravo SnowwwWhite!!! Well said!

*HUGS* (Purely platonic hugs of course... )

Thanks Mr. J I was a little worried it might come across that I have a cold heart because I don't believe in "letting things happen" or that I don't believe in the excuse line: "the heart wants what it wants."

Just really glad to see that someone appreciates my point of view.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by SnowwwWhite

Just really glad to see that someone appreciates my point of view.

Your point of view is appreciated by many here... Including us

[Tia Vampire]

STD's hands down. I've only had crabs back in my teenage years that I believe I picked up in a club that I only attended three or four times. I do not want to get something that I can't get rid of, don't want to deal with the embarrassment, or get anything that will kill me.

[herpob]

Originally Posted by SnowwwWhite

Thanks Mr. J I was a little worried it might come across that I have a cold heart because I don't believe in "letting things happen" or that I don't believe in the excuse line: "the heart wants what it wants."

Just really glad to see that someone appreciates my point of view.

Yes mam - gj! I am a firm believe of "sure your heart might want something (usually it's the selfish head)" but ghezzz we are supposed to be grown ups and have some discipline in our lifes. Everyone should be able to control themselves and behave appropriately for the given situation. I've seen it in action in room of sexually charged people each with different criteria everyone respected everyone elses boundaries even with so many different desires. The funny part was moving around naked with the big collar tags that had your preferences listed. I felt like a dog - lol.

[JustAskJulie]

I went back through this thread and took the top answers that were given and created a poll to go along with the thread.

[SweetandSalty1]

My biggest worry is that jealous feelings could develop and/or that one of us or both could fall for someone and have deep feelings for them. As a complete newbie to the lifestyle there are a lot of conflicting feelings. I suspect as time goes on we will learn the ropes and feel more confident in what to expect.

[cupl4fun]

my biggest right now is being outed and someone being indiscreet because I would definitely lose my job. Then probably someone becoming obsessed with both or one of us. Then STD's. But honestly all of them scare me except losing my spouse I just don't see it as possible.

[MN hotdish]

OK, so I'm taking this in a little less seroius direction, but it is a fear none the less...
We are newbies. We've experienced a couple of FMF 3somes in the past, but have now met & clicked with a couple who we genuinely like as people. We've all four discussed our wants, comfort levels, even self image issues.
The only thing not decided in concrete yet, is the exact when.
So here's my new fear...Sex is messy. It can be sweaty & dirty & all kinds of fun things. Sometimes things happen that can be embarrassing. The only man that I've been with in 8 years is my love. When 'embarrassing" things happen during sex, we both laugh & that's it, but it takes time to get that comfortable with someone.
my BIGGEST fear now is, what if I fart or some equally embarrassing thing!?! Sad but true.

[BigGuy34]

I worry about my marriage. We had some good friends who swung big time, and now they are getting divorced. She kept cheating, he got jealous, it just made no sense. If you swing....why cheat and sneak around? Anyhow, it destroyed their lives. Then again we have seen waaaaay more happy couples instrong marriages who swing.


-M