Is there anything in the lifestyle that worries or scares you?

[NorCal Nites]

STDs, Pregnancy of others (cuz I'm fixed, but not broken), and Psycho Stalkers (we've had our overly fair share already... not interested in a third stalker).

[LYTD]

The usual, STDs, preganancy and whatnot naturally apply.

But what I fear the most is someone getting completely out of line with my wife. As someone mentioned previously, some guys get very aggressive and pushy when they've had a bit to drink, some can get rude, angry and downright violent.

This ties in to my fear of being taken advantage of by a large, hairy man in a jail cell......which is where I'd likely be after addressing the issue with the guy.

Picking someone for these kind of activities seems a lot like the scene from Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, where Indiana Jones is trying to pick the right cup that is the Holy Grail. As the knight said, "choose wisely." A poor decision in either case can prove to be costly.

[ga_cpl_frknit]

Originally posted by biblonde
becoming friends and playmates with someone who turns out to be possesive and obsessive of one or both of us....and yup that happened!!!

didn't like being told when and how often we were to see them (which in their opinion was to be every free moment we had!) and who we could and couldnt "date"!

those type of people are sooooo hard to get rid of...we are very careful now on who we talk to and meet..

my 2 cents

Oh yes, we've had to break off all contact with a "friend" who became very possesive and obsessive with us. It's not a fun thing to go through!!

Lesson learned...we are going to be so much more conscientious (sp?) about who we select as friends/playmates.

~Tracy~

[Firemaster]

Other then STD's, which in the fields that my wife and I are, we have to think about everyday. I work in the emergency medical (Fire/Ems) and she works in hospital. But how many of the ladies here use birth control since that is a worry. Also since some man have said that they worry about getting someone else preg. Would you consider using the new male birth control pill. I am of course asking those who are not tring to have a baby in their home life.

Thanks
Firemaster

[MIbbwcpl]

STD's and our kids or family finding out. Our kids are too young to 'get it' now..but one day they will 'get it' and I don't want them to be traumatised. I also don't want family knowing b/c it's really none of their business and I don't wish to be judged for it.

[Brit_Pair]

1. STDs

2. Being 'outted' by accident or vindicitve design.

3. Finding out that Mr and Mrs Nigel Smith are actually Mr and Mrs Norman Bates.

4. Being considered too...(fill in the blank) to be worthwhile playmates.

[yawanna]

What scares me about being in the lifestyle...by Yawanna

Becoming involved with people be they singles or couples who we later find don't respect primary relationships or boundaries or reasons for participating.

The predators aka bednotchers, the controllers, the ones who use you to further their swinger social circle, the people who don't take a 'no thanks' too well, the people who aren't solid with their relationship. We've learned to be more careful and ask more questions, and listen to our instincts.

That I need my husband to always be near me to check that the man is using a condom.

That my husband must know where I am at any given time be it a club or a house party so that some man doesn't get sexual with me without my permission.

I've already been outted to family and friends. We've managed
but I'd like to not have to go through that again.

In a perfect world, yadda yadda yadda.

Oh.. and rejection. I now know how hard it must be for men to make the first move. I'm a ballsy 'out there' kind of gal and when it comes to making a 'move'....I STILL go into a fetal position and act like a 5 year old being pushed to 'make friends'.

[leftcoastcouple]

OK, this will sound like a horribly naive, newbie-like question, but I'll ask it since I've wanted to anyway and this thread provides an opportunity to do so:

Anyone here willing to admit they've contracted an STD through swinging? Or know someone who has? Or...?

Yeah, it's a blunt question, but I ask it not to be nosey but because my wife and I, like just about everyone else who's responded to this thread, consider STDs our number one concern. I'm doubtful whether anyone will even respond, but we turn to this board for experiential advice on every aspect of swinging--part of what makes it such an invaluable resource--so why not ask about this one, I figure.

We genuinely wonder how prevalent STDs are in the lifestyle and would value (and place greater trust in) any information we'd receive here over that from books, etc., with a self-interest in promoting swinging.

Perhaps an anonymous poll would be more practical--and telling--if there's sufficient interest.

[Alura]

We haven't gotten anything, but we're not good examples. We've only played with five couples in twenty years and all of them except one, were inexperienced. The other couple had been with only one couple other than us in well over twenty years.

Not much exposure there...

Mr. Alura

[yawanna]

No.

My husband and I have never in our lives contracted an STD...and...we get checked every year as part of our physicals..and I mean for EVERYTHING, including Hep B.

No.

We don't know or have heard of anyone who has contracted an STD from swinging. We've seen occasional posts of so and so knows a so and so who got an STD from swinging.... very reliable

I think it's a scare tactic used at times, and I think it's a general fear in this day and age amongst many people, not just swingers.

Here's another myth - just for an example comparison. It is generally believed that prostitutes have a higher rate of STD's than the general population. In fact, they have a LOWER rate of STD's than the general population. Why? Because they practice safe sex. Sure there are the fringe groups who'll take more $ from a customer to not use a condom. There are those who prostitute for drug $ and therefore aren't generally too concerned with their health, wellbeing or even their longevity. If they inject..they probably don't care who last used that needle.

I know this from my work and research with this particular community.

I don't think there is anything wrong or scaredy cat about folks considering the risks of STD's, or other concerns like protecting your primary relationship from damage by participating, for example.

The absolute best anyone can do to ensure no STD contraction is to have full and complete trust in your relationship being monogamous, or abstain from sex entirely. And hope that you don't get a blood transfusion from HIV infected donations. (Our last mayor has Hep C from a blood transfusion 10 years ago. He's pretty sick these days.)

Or.... practice safe sex. If you are still worried about getting an STD, then maybe rethink swinging.

one person's opinion.

[passion8]

As there are some std's which don't have any symptons, IMHO I would suggest that any poll should also be linked in to how often / when were you last tested.

[Elusive BiFem]

As a single, I think I would have to say the scariest thing for me would be the weirdos out there. To a great extent, I can protect myself from STD's (note: I said to a great extent - not full extent). However, you can meet people and think you really know them when suddenly they go bonkers on you.

Weirdos...that is what has always scared me the very most.

- EBF

[Paul&Audrey]

For us, the scariest thought would be having to go through cutting 'unwanted attached strings" from a single Bifemale again. We went through this once with a woman that had illusionsof "seducing me away" from Baremama....those were her exact words to Baremama at one point! She was someone we dropped VERY quickly! She truly crossed the line the instant she uttered those words....
She NEVER had a chance!

~~bare~~ & Baremama

[Lotolaffs]

Two things come to mind:

Nice couples who you finally meet in person , then turn out to be Amway salesmen.

Having your first sexual experience with a couple, then finding ear wax, in places ear wax isn't supposed to be.

Otherwise, we're pretty fearless.

[CoyoteCouple]

Besides the number one STD's, there is always the fear of an obsessed single man. The wife loves threesomes with single men, but there have been several that have pretty much streered us clear of them. I know this is very unfair to alot of the single men...but a few bad apples.......